2. Dani
Have you ever felt like your entire world is falling apart?
That moment when the world somersaults and here you are, trying to figure out which way is up while your lungs are constricted in an unexpected state of panic.
Yeah, that’s me right now.
My hands are shaking.
Everything is a blur.
All of this brings back the memories I wanted to store away forever, but they always seem to rise above the surface no matter how deep I shove them down.
When I was fourteen years old, my mom called my school to pick me up early. She told me that my dad got into a car accident on the way to work and passed away due to the impact.
I remember how I couldn’t move or speak the entire drive home. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball in my bedroom and never come out. I couldn’t go to school for a month. I couldn’t get out of bed. I could barely form cohesive thoughts.
Goddammit.
I can”t help but think about Ben and Lizzie.
They”re my found family, the kind you piece together like a puzzle and fits perfectly together.
Ben did everything he could to make sure I had a father figure in my life after my dad passed away.
He’d congratulate me when I got a good grade on a test.
He’d give me constant motivation to continue writing my book.
He’d always be there if I ever needed someone to talk to.
It seems like normal things to do, but the smallest gestures that he did meant the world to me.
Ben’s relationship with Lizzie has always reminded me of the relationship I had with my father. He’d always take care of her when she got sick or hurt. He’d always be there for her if something bad happened at school. He’d protect her as if his life depended on it.
I didn’t just have Ben as my protector.
I had Lizzie too.
Growing up, Lizzie was like an older sister to me.
We were inseparable when we were younger, despite her being five years older than me. If I wasn’t hanging out with Bella, I’d be with Lizzie. We were two peas in a pod.
I loved it so much when she’d team up with me to take down her younger brother, Noah, when he was being a prick to me.
No matter what happened, I knew I”d always have a home to go to.
Them.
And now, it feels like my home is shattering like broken glass.
I hear snippets of Bella’s voice from time to time.
All I can concentrate on is how heavy my body feels. The weight of it crushing me and all that I am.
Bella sits on the floor next to me, wrapping her arm around me. “Dani, I talked to your mom. She told me to remind you to breathe.” She scoots in front of me. “But I think we should head to the hospital.”
When anxiety takes over my mind and body, I forget how to function like a normal human being. Bella knows how I get when I have a panic attack.
I can’t focus on my surroundings. My hands shake. My lips get dry. My mind loves to focus on the bad instead of the good.
I’m grateful she’s always there for me when this happens. She knows how to calm me down by permeating her warmth through me.
I violently shake my head. “I c-can’t.”
“There is no can’t, only can.”
“You sound like Yoda,” I breathe out.
This isn’t the time for jokes.
“Shut up and start packing,” she insists.
She helps me up off the floor as we both assess the damage I caused.
I frown. “What about the mess I made?”
“I’ll clean it up while you pack.”
“I love you.” I hug her tightly for a brief moment before releasing her.
She looks at me and smiles. “I know.”
Rushing into my bedroom, I grab some clothes, shoes, and a few books, basically anything I can put in my suitcase. I’m stuffing everything in there at supersonic speed. I have no idea how long I’m going to be staying.
I put on a teal tank top that flares at the bottom and cotton gray shorts followed by a pair of Skechers because comfort is vital.
Once Bella is done cleaning up my mess, I see her walk into her bedroom through the crack of my door.
Like The Flash, she comes out of her room with her phone in her hand and her purse over her shoulder.
She’s wearing a pink tank top with denim shorts that have small rips on the right side and her high-top white Converse.
I wish I could rock the color pink, but I’ll settle with Bella rocking it for me.
Dragging out my giant suitcase, I roll it into the living room area of our apartment and take a deep breath.
It’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. It has to be. It needs to be.
My body doesn’t feel as heavy as it was, and I don’t hear my heart beating as loud as it was before.
“Are you ready to go?” Bella asks as she walks towards me.
“I just need to get my bag.” Grabbing it from one of the nearby chairs, I sling it over my chest.
I do a mental checklist.
Phone. Check. Chargers. Check. Wireless earbuds. Check. Wallet. Keys. Suitcase. Check. Check. Check.
I meet Bella’s gaze. “Okay, let’s go.”
She nods her head up and down, snatching my car keys out of my hand.
“Hey! What the hell?” My anger starts building.
“You didn’t think you were driving, were you? Do you not recall what happened in the last half an hour?” She makes me relive the sadness and agony all over again.
I lug my suitcase out the door with Bella following me.
I stop suddenly. “Wait, why didn’t you pack a suitcase?”
“I have everything I need at home. I just want you to be okay. You’re all I care about right now.” The sincerity in Bella’s voice nearly takes me out. “Do you want me to tell Sage what’s going on or do you want to do it?” She looks at the door to the apartment, twisting the knob to double-check that it’s locked.
“I don’t have the energy if I’m being honest. If you want to tell her, be my guest.”
Bella gives me two thumbs up, signaling she understands me.
I drag my suitcase to our favorite place.
The staircase of hell.
Hightower, our off-campus apartment complex, is notorious for not having elevators. Unfortunately, our only option is to go up and down these stairs.
Bella and I both look at each other, rolling our eyes and groaning at the same time.
I feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead by the time we reach the first floor.
Bella grabs my suitcase, booking it for my Honda CRV.
I try to keep up with her, despite how out of breath I am.
When it’s summer in Florida, it doesn’t matter if I lift weights or not. The mix of sweltering heat and humidity makes for a deadly combination.
I reach the car, taking a deep breath. Climbing in, I put my purse by my feet and lean my head back onto the headrest.
Bella gets in, throwing her purse in the back behind the driver’s seat. “I put your suitcase in the h—are you okay?” She tilts her head, a smile forming on her sweet face.
Fuck, I’m such a mess.
“Just breathe,” she adds. “You’re going to be okay. You hear me?”
I nod as a silent response because I’m not in the mood to talk right now.
All I can think about is how Laura’s feeling.
Scared.
Sad.
Angry.
Confused.
Everything in between.
This is how I felt when my dad passed away.
This is different though.
This is her husband and daughter.
I can feel the tears swelling up in my eyes again.
Get your shit together, Dani.
She opens Spotify on the car dashboard and hits play. The angelic voice of Gracie Abrams blasts through the speakers.
On a normal day, I’d keep the music on, but I’m not in the mood to listen to anything right now—I turn the volume all the way down.
Backing up slowly, she shifts the gear into drive.
As we hit the road, all I can see are an infinite amount of giant billboards that advertise injury attorneys and endless patches of dying grass.
“Moo!” Bella shouts as she sees a small herd of cows ahead of us to the left.
Ignoring her, I stare out the window.
All I can think about is getting to the hospital, and the thought is making my stomach do flips.
Eventually, we exit I-95. While we’re waiting for the traffic light to turn green, I feel Bella’s gaze burning a hole through my head.
I know that she’s mentally assessing if I’m okay.
No, I’m not okay.
Sunset Cove Hospital comes into view.
I can’t wait to get out of this car.
Bella turns into the hospital lot and finds a parking spot. She pulls into a spot closer to the front entrance.
Getting out of the car, I sling my bag across my chest while Bella slides the window down. “I’m going to drop your suitcase off at your house. And then, I’m going home. Dani, you’re one of the strongest people I know. You’re going to get through this. I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”
“Thank you,” I tell her, my voice cracks like flames in a fire.
“For what?” Her eyebrows sink lower on her face, and a grin appears on her face.
“For being you,” I say.
She smiles at me, gesturing to back away from the car and head inside. The window rolls up and she drives off.
Speed-walking over to the sliding doors, I make it through security without any hassle.
I place my visitor sticker on my chest as I walk over to the front desk.
“How can I help you today?” A younger woman seated behind a computer asks.
“I’m looking for two people who were admitted here. Their names are Benjamin and Elizabeth Kaplan. I need to know where they are. Please,” I beg.
My heart is pounding as my throat grows tight to the point where I’m starting to lose my breath.
“Breathe, honey. Let me look at my computer here.”
My foot starts to tap rapidly against the laminated flooring. My patience isn’t wearing thin because it doesn’t even exist right now.
Rubbing my eyes with my hands, I let out a deep exhale.
What feels like an eternity is actually two minutes before I’m given any information.
“They’re in room 409.”
“Thank you,” I say.
Once I make my way over to the elevators, the doors open. I step inside and press the number four button.
As I make my way down the hallway, I see my mother standing in front of Ben and Lizzie’s room.
Laura’s nowhere to be found.
I take a moment to study Mom.
Her dark brunette hair is tied up in a high ponytail. She looks tired with dark circles underneath her eyes and she can barely keep them open.
“Mom,” I say.
She turns around and runs towards me, pulling me in for a hug. “I’m so happy you’re here, Sweet Girl.”
My mom and I have always been close. We grew even closer after my dad passed away.
I’ll never outgrow her hugs. They’re comforting in a way that’s difficult to describe. They make me feel safe. She makes me feel safe.
“How could I not come?” I can taste the salty tears streaming down my face.
“Laura has been pacing up and down the hallway for what feels like forever. I don’t know what to do.”
Right as Mom says this, Laura appears frantic and exhausted at the same time.
My heart.
When she sees me, it looks like she’s going to have a heart attack. She runs over to me. “Dani Girl. You’re here.” she pulls me in for a tight, extended hug.
I’m starting to lose feeling everywhere, but it’s okay.
I’m just happy to be here for her.
“God, I’m so sorry, Laura. I don’t?—”
She cuts me off before I can say anything else. “Thank you. I don’t know how this happened. I’m living a nightmare. I’m happy you’re both here.” She releases me from her grasp, gesturing to my mom.
Mom guides Laura to a chair that’s in front of Ben and Lizzie’s hospital room while I’m standing in front of the row of chairs.
I turn and face the window straight ahead.
“God, I wish I got here sooner,” I mumble to myself.
“I wish you weren’t here at all,” a deep and raspy voice says.
Turning around, I see a tall, muscular guy with a full head of wavy dirty blonde hair and ocean blue eyes you could get completely lost in standing in front of me.
I guess it makes it easier for me to not lose my breath around him, knowing he has a shitty personality.
He looks different, and somehow also the same.
I guess that could be because I haven’t seen him in five years.