21. Noah
“Well, that was enlightening,” I say.
“Enlightening?”
“Sorry, I don’t know what word to use.”
She laughs. “We should go to bed. It’s late.” She walks over to the entryway into the kitchen, leaning against it. “Good night, Noah.”
“Good night, Dani.”
I make my way into the guest bedroom and lay back on the bed with my hands resting underneath my head.
I’ve never talked to anyone about my feelings like that. Let alone talk to Dani like that. It was nice to have a civilized conversation with her and not constantly be yelling at each other. I never thought I’d see this day coming.
I can’t get over the way she kept staring at me.
I swear she almost put me under her spell with those goddamn brown eyes of hers.
The way she reacted to me putting the fudge all over her forehead. Her eyes grew wide and her eyebrows furrowed. Then, the disgusted expression that appeared all over her face made me think about covering her entire face in chocolate fudge and see how she’d react to that. But, I didn’t want to see that play out in reality.
The way she told me I could talk to her about anything.
The way she hugged me.
God, I didn’t want to let her go.
Grayson’s right. It’s so much more than an attraction.
Damn it, I’m so fucked.
DIPSHITS
ME
Code red. I repeat we have a code red. CODE FUCKING RED!!!
XANDER
Dude, it’s 1 in the morning
GRAYSON
What is it?
I hit the FaceTime app, turning my volume down so Dani doesn’t hear anything.
Pick up the fucking phone.
“Dude, I thought you said you were going to talk to us tomorrow,” Grayson says.
“This can’t wait.” I take a deep breath, letting it all flow out like a steady river. “Okay, you guys know I’m not a fan of talking about my emotions.”
Here goes nothing.
“I’ve never been in love before. What does it feel like?”
I look at Xander, his eyes opening wide like he thinks I’m crazy to ask him that question. “Why are you looking at me? I’ve never been in love.”
Our eyes land on Grayson who’s examining the wall behind him and pretending like he can’t hear me which I know is absolute bullshit. Clearing my throat, I successfully grab his attention.
He turns his head around. “Why are you both looking at me like that?”
“You heard me, dumbass. I’m not going to repeat it.” I stare at him.
“Well, I haven’t been in love, so I can’t answer your question. How unfortunate. We could reach out to random strangers and ask them instead,” Grayson says.
Xander and I understand this is an uncomfortable topic for Grayson to talk about, but I want to know. I need to know.
He rolls his eyes in an aggressive way. “Fine. You want to know what it feels like?” He looks down, his face getting out of frame. “What does being in love feel like? Okay, I can do this. You can do this Gray,” he whispers to himself, pacing back and forth.
“Dude!” Xander and I say in unison.
He’s scratching the back of his neck with his fingers and getting up off his bed to walk around his bedroom. “Okay, okay.” He pauses. “You want to know what being in love feels like? It’s an addiction. A drug you can’t get enough of. She consumes you. Her voice. Her laugh. Her smile. Everything reminds you of her. When you’re around her, you can’t help but smile. You’re giddy, nervous, and distracted all at once. You’re able to be your authentic self around her. One hundred percent yourself. She makes you fucking crazy. But, you don’t want to lose her. You can’t lose her. And you don’t know how to deal with that feeling. It’s both euphoric and dysphoric at the same time. It feels like you”re losing your goddamn mind.” He sits back down on his bed, zoning out into space. “It”s like you’re the only two people who exist on this planet. All you want is to be around her. There’s truly nothing like it. Nothing.” Grayson takes a moment to catch his breath, snapping out of his trance. He leans his head back, letting out a deep breath.
My mouth drops open as I take in my surroundings. Xander raises his eyebrows, puckering his lips out.
What the hell was that?
I’ve never seen Grayson so passionate before. Let alone open to sharing his emotions like that. I know that I’m not the guy who’s not fond of sharing his feelings with his friends but he’s much worse than I am. He can be very closed off which can be frustrating, but I understand why he’s like that.
“Wow. That was beautiful. Just beautiful. You should’ve majored in inspirational speech giving, bro,” Xander says with a hint of sarcastic undertones in his voice.
“Oh, shut the hell up,” Grayson says to Xander before focusing his attention on me. “Did that answer your question?”
It takes me a minute to generate an answer because my head feels like it’s spinning out of control. I think I have a headache now.
Then, it finally hits me.
I can feel the heat from the imaginary fireworks going off behind me. I pop up from the bed, bending my knees up to my chest. My arms rest on my knee. My chest rapidly rises and falls, and my mouth hangs open.
Grayson smiles like the idiot that he is.
Xander looks at him with a confused expression written all over his face. “Am I missing something here?”
“That, my friend, is the look of a man who realized he’s in love with a woman he’s known since birth. A woman who he thought was annoying as hell. Not anymore. Am I right?”
Fuck. He’s right.
I didn’t want to admit it to anybody. Most importantly, I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I don’t know why. Guess I thought it was crazy to be in love with Dani because she annoyed the shit out of me growing up.
She drove me absolutely insane. She still does, but in a different way.
There are so many words to describe Danielle Solomon. So. Many. Fucking. Words. But, I don’t think there’s enough time to do so.
“What the hell am I going to do?”
Grayson answers me immediately. “You’re going to tell her how you feel. You have to tell her.”
“I can’t tell her. Do you know how weird it’s going to be between us if I do? I know she doesn’t feel the same way about me.”
“How do you know? Have you even asked her?” Grayson asks.
“It’s not exactly an ideal conversation starter. We’re just starting to get along. I don’t want to freak her out by confessing all these feelings I have for her. Feelings I’ve probably had since we were kids.”
Xander decides to join in on the fun. “She deserves to know how you feel. You don’t know how she’s going to respond. She could reciprocate those feelings.”
“Or I make a complete ass out of myself and she doesn’t feel the same way.”
“When the time is right, you should tell her how you feel. What have you got to lose?” Xander gives me a dose of inspirational romantic advice.
He hasn’t been in a long-term relationship before, but he has always been a hopeful romantic. Yes, I said hopeful and not hopeless.
What do I have to lose?
She’s what I could lose.
I’ve lost Dani once.
I’m not losing her again.
Grayson observes me and Xander talking until he finally decides to contribute to our conversation.
He doesn’t say anything.
Are you fucking kidding me?
A breathy laugh escapes from my mouth. “You have nothing to say there, Romeo?”
He replies to me almost immediately, his dark brown eyes meeting my blue eyes. “Xander took the words right out of my mouth.”
“Well, that was constructive,” Xander says, awkwardly smiling at Grayson and me.
No shit, Sherlock.
It’s so much more than an attraction.
I’m in love with Dani Solomon and I have no idea how I’m going to tell her.