29. Dani
Throwing my empty cup into the trash, I follow Noah outside. He’s pacing back and forth.
“Noah, stop.”
He’s not listening to me, so I stop in front of him and place my hands below his shoulders.
He doesn’t make eye contact with me. Instead, he’s staring at the ground.
“Look at me.” I tilt his face up, so his eyes can meet mine. “Look. At. My. Face.”
Once his eyes land on mine, it’s game over. They’re glued on me.
He doesn’t say anything, and neither do I. We’re just staring at each other, speaking with our facial expressions.
I’m trying so hard not to cry in front of him because it hurts me to see him like this. I’ve never seen Noah so vulnerable and in so much pain.
“Please talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. We told each other that we’d tell each other anything. Remember?”
He sucks his lips in, closing his eyes for a brief moment before opening them. “What if my sister doesn’t wake up? What if she’s going to be hooked up to a machine for the rest of her life? What if she’s in a coma for several more months? Possibly even years. Goddammit, I should’ve been the one in that fucking car.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Mom sent Dad out to the grocery store to pick up some things. I came home for the summer to spend time with them. Lizzie volunteered to spend some quality time with him after I wanted to go with him. I let her go because she doesn’t see him as often as I do. My dad is gone because of me. My sister is unconscious because of me. This is all my fault.”
Helping Noah sit on one of the benches next to the creamery, I sit down next to him. His chest is heaving and his breathing is offbeat.
“Hey. Don’t blame yourself for this. None of this is your fault. When my dad passed away, I blamed myself. There’s this chemical in our brains that tries to convince us when something tragic happens, it’s our fault. The irony is, it isn’t. It took me a long damn time to accept that.” I take a deep breath. “Do you remember what I told you in the hospital? The day of the accident?”
He nods, his eyes blazing their way into my bones.
“I really hated it when people told me it takes time to grieve and move on when you experience a tragedy. But, it’s the truth. There’s something Marina said to us I can’t stop thinking about. I’ve been replaying it in my head. ‘The people who say that time heals all are a bunch of liars because it’s not the whole truth. It doesn’t take time to heal an open wound, all it takes is you believing in yourself.’ She’s right on the money. You just need to believe in yourself that you can get through this, because you can. And you’re not alone. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“I forgot how wise Marina is,” he says.
Giggling with my mouth closed, I smile and slightly squint my eyes. “You wouldn’t believe the amount of advice that woman has given me over the years. She came to my dad’s funeral and sat down next to me. She held my hand the entire time. She’s a fucking superhero. I wouldn’t have made it through that day without her. Without Bella and Sage. Without my mom. Without your parents and Lizzie.” I cup his face. “Lizzie’s going to wake up. She’s one of the strongest people I know. She’s hurt herself more times than I can count on both of my hands. She’s resilient as hell.”
I place the palm of my hand on his bicep which is pure muscle.
Damn, is there a part of his body that isn’t muscular?
His eyes are glassy. “I know she is. It’s just…my mind goes straight to the negatives, so my anxiety can take over. So, it can win.”
“Tell your anxiety to back the hell off. Your sister is going to wake up. I just know it.”
He pulls me in for a hug which catches me a bit off guard.
My head lands where his broad chest is.
We sink into each other, his pain transferring over to me and making me shed a few tears.
Closing my eyes, I don’t want to let him go, and I don’t want him to let me go either.
Everything is going to be fine.
At least, I hope so.