Chapter 18
Archie lingers in the entryway, his eyes tracing over the details of the apartment again, as if he never quite saw it the first time we were here. ‘What’s with the birds?’ His eyes are drawn to two little blue lovebirds painted on the beams.
‘I don’t know. Guess the old owner was a fan,’ I shrug.
He sniffs. ‘Bit odd, isn’t it?’ He catches me frowning in his direction.
‘Sorry,’ he adds. ‘I don’t know why I’m being so…
weird,’ he says quietly. I go straight for the cupboard to retrieve one of the surviving bottles from the deer hit and run, doing everything in my power not to think of Florian.
‘You’ve not been weird.’ I try to play it off but he shoots me a look that lets me know I’m a shit actor.
‘Okay maybe, but this whole thing is weird, you out here with me. It’s not a two o’clock “you up” text after the pub.
’ I uncork the wine and pour us two large glasses, hoping that by the time he finishes this one he might be acting slightly more himself.
‘I’m glad it’s not that. Glad that this is more than that now.’ He falls back into the sofa with a sigh, taking a large gulp of the wine. ‘I guess it just feels a bit odd, me being here, in this place, with him…’
‘Who?’ I take a large gulp myself. ‘Ettie?’
He cringes at his name; I know he doesn’t want to bring this up now, but something is compelling him, his conscience perhaps, something I clearly don’t have.
‘Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I know that if he was still here then you and me wouldn’t even be a thing, I’m aware of that.
It’s just odd, isn’t it? Like normally you date girls who’ve been cheated on or broken up with, not girls who have had this dream relationship with this perfect guy. ’
‘He wasn’t perfect.’ I sit next to him on the sofa rubbing a point in my head where a persistent little ache was beginning to form.
I hadn’t expected to get into this so quickly; I wanted sex and I wanted to drink and be normal.
I didn’t want deep, meaningful conversations about my dead husband, especially when the last one led to me practically snogging his brother.
‘Yeah, but he was perfect for you. If he hadn’t…’
‘Died.’ I fill in the gaps for him.
He looks at me, his eyes wide with alarm at the word and then they soften when my hand reaches out and strokes his cheek. ‘Yes.’
I move closer to him, his arm weaves its way around my neck. ‘But he’s not here any more, Archie.’
‘No.’
‘And you are.’ My hand finds its way to his knee.
‘Yes, I am.’ He turns to me, the gap between us diminishing by the second.
I reach my hands around his shoulders and swing my legs around so that I’m straddling him.
He sighs with relief, happy that we have returned to the territory we are comfortable with.
He flexes his hips, moving me closer to him, his thumbs hooking themselves into the back pockets of my jeans.
‘And I like you, Archie,’ I say as I loosen the top button on his shirt. ‘But this doesn’t work if we overthink things. If we spend too long questioning what this is then we kill it.’
‘But it’s… this is more than sex, isn’t it, Ava?
’ It comes out as a long groan, as if he doesn’t really want to say it but knows he doesn’t have a choice.
I feel an unpleasant heat start to spread around my body, crawl its way up my back.
I can’t have this conversation now, at least not when I’m sitting on his lap.
‘It is. Now do you want to watch a film… or sign some sort of pact or… exchange a blood vow?’ I pretend to leave but his hands secure me against moving, pulling my hips deeper into his. I let out an involuntary little groan.
‘No.’ He shakes his head emphatically. ‘No, I do not want to do anything else than this, right now.’ He kisses me. It’s gentle at first, soft and sweet, but as I start to move against him, sinking into his lap, the kiss grows harder, faster, more desperate.
He reaches underneath my top and tugs at my shirt until I pull away and he strips me of it.
He clumsily works at my bra, he always struggles with this bit; after tugging at the clasp for a while he grows frustrated but when I go to attempt it, he shakes his head and yanks at the fabric. I hear the material tear.
‘Did you just break my bra?’ I push myself off him a little. He isn’t the sensible Archie any more; he is a sweating, panting stranger below me.
‘Oh shut up,’ he chuckles, taking my breasts in his palms and rocking me forward so I’m back where he wants me, back where I want him, with only our jeans between us.
‘I’ll buy you five more.’ He peppers my neck with short, sharp kisses stretching from my ear to my collarbone, his thumb brushing my nipple, and I groan, louder this time.
I start to unbutton his jeans and when I reach the last one, see his white boxers, I try to slip my hand underneath the fabric but he stops me.
‘Not here.’ He shakes his head.
‘Oh come on…’ I object, gesture to the perfectly good sofa that would serve any purpose we would require, but his face isn’t budging. ‘Seriously?’
‘Seriously,’ he echoes.
‘Square.’ I roll my eyes but get to my feet anyway.
I don’t want to argue, I just want to keep this going.
This is what Archie and I do best, the safe ground that both of us know.
If we lose momentum he might stop again, decide that he isn’t doing this unless I wear a promise ring.
I pull him to his feet and lead him through the door to the bedroom.
He winds me back into him; he’s only slightly taller so it isn’t any effort to kiss him and we do.
We take our time, trying to recapture what we had on the sofa, that immediate urge to be everything to each other, but it’s different in here, things slow down.
His kisses are long, slow. I let him undress me, peeling off my jeans until I’m standing there in my knickers, the good pair.
His hands trace down every inch of my body until he’s pressing me down onto the bed, my arms thrown up around his shoulders.
He takes his own jeans off, tugging at them until they get slightly stuck around his ankles and he has to kick them off.
He looks at me slightly apologetically for the disruption of the mood but I take his face in my hands, kiss him long and hard, until I realise that he has managed to manoeuvre my knickers off of my body.
He takes one last look at me, his head cocked to one side.
I manage a smile, a nod of my head and then my hands reach for him.