Chapter Twelve
Mia
Curtains drawn, door closed, my childhood teddy acts as a second pillow as I scroll aimlessly through my phone.
I’ve gone past the doom-scrolling stage.
I’m now at the annihilation station. My eyes jump from image to image, fake smiles, fake teeth, fake eyebrows in between ads for fertility treatment and gym memberships.
I’m twenty eight and I should already own my own home, a business, and an investment property.
I should have a rich husband, at least one kid already because my ovaries are close to shriveling up, and once they’re the size of a raisin, what is my purpose in life?
See what I mean? Annihilation station. And I took the train all the way here.
That’s on me. I sigh, rolling over onto my back as my shoulder starts to go numb.
My room is exactly as I left it ten years ago.
My Orlando Bloom poster staring down at me from the ceiling which I tacked up when I was going through my Legolas phase.
Oh sweet, naive Mia. Blond’s are never the one.
You’ve got to remember that. Although right now, glasses wearing, academic vibe-check, dark-haired guys are definitely not the one either.
Maybe I should just revert back to sixteen.
Innocent and completely oblivious to the power that men had over my life.
The memory of the TV show hits me again and it’s like a big, fat bug crawling around my body.
I push my shoulders back, straightening my spine but it brings no relief.
Even Legolas is just staring at me, pitying the shameful lack of control in my life.
When I upped and left the café outside the studio, I ran.
Alfie had left it until Monday before he started calling.
By which point, I was already in the small town of Berry Brook, a few hours drive from Dallas.
I’ve remained in this very position since then with the exception of using the bathroom to rub some toothpaste around my mouth.
It’s a sad state of affairs that my family has just let me bed-rot.
No one’s bothered me or questioned me. They’ve let me wallow and only interrupted my self-imposed isolation to bring me food and water.
My career as a fake girlfriend lasted less than twelve hours. Although if we count the Dinner Club, it was five days. At least I gave it a good shot. To be fair to me, I have an idiot for a boss, and to be fair to Alfie, I agreed to go along with his stupidity.
What was I thinking? Just the thought of him telling me we would need to hold hands makes me want to step out of my body so I can slap myself a few times.
No.
Slap.
Physical.
Slap.
Contact.
Slap.
So yeah, it’s Friday, and I last saw Alfie on Thursday last week. I’ve ignored every call, every text, and every email. I was half expecting a carrier pigeon to make its way over here, but given that he doesn’t know where I am, that might be difficult.
At this point, I can’t even call myself his receptionist. Wow. That hurt. I’ve studied for ten years. Worked my ass off to help him build his business, all for him to call me the receptionist. Well, I hope he’s had a shit week, that’s all I can say.
Maybe I’m unemployed now. Jobless, homeless and fake-boyfriendless. Run home with my tail tucked between my legs.
I pull my blanket up to my chin. Ridiculous really, as it’s not cold. But there's something so comforting about tucking yourself away from the world. This blanket could act better than a titanium shield right now.
A small knock at the door makes me question that previous thought.
“Yeah?”
The door creaks open, and my niece Annabelle hops through, jumping like a frog.
She’s four and doesn’t understand personal space.
She approaches my bed and then proceeds to talk so close to my face, I can feel her lips on the tip of my nose.
She’s been eating cookies with milk; I can smell the sweet, sugary scent all over her.
“Annie, take a step back from Auntie Mia,” my brother says. “She hasn’t showered in five days, and I don’t want you to catch something.”
I lift my head and see his shit-eating grin.
Fucker didn’t shower for three months one year when we were around thirteen and fourteen as a bet.
It was disgusting. Eventually, our mom hosed him off in the yard with freezing cold water, throwing a bar of soap at him so hard it left a bruise on his chest that he would show anyone that would look, as if it was a badge of honor.
“Annie, why don’t you get Auntie Mia one of those cookies that Grandma made?”
“Okay, Daddy,” she says, skipping out of the room.
“How you doing?”
“Fine,” I lie.
Levi and I are closest in age, and he’s not completely useless like my other three brothers. So, it’s hard not to completely hate him. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brothers, but their unhelpfulness is borderline pathological. Our mom still treats them all like they’re babies, and they let her.
“Wanna give me a real answer?” he snips, poking around my desk as if I’ve left my secrets laid out in an open journal he could just pick up and rifle through.
“Just had a rough few days.”
“Sounds about right. You work too hard.” He clicks his tongue, moving toward the curtains.
“I have a lot I want to achieve. Please don’t open those, Levi.”
He grips the thick fabric, and I know this game. Depending on what I say will depend if I get the glaring sun burning my retinas. “You can’t do that closer to home?” he asks.
“Levi. This hasn’t been home for a long time now. My home is in Seattle.”
His fingers twitch. “I know that. I know, trust me. And I get that all of us are a lot. We rely on Mom too much, and when you’re here, it’s like we transfer it to you.”
Wow, I can’t believe he’s noticed that. Is my brother becoming self-aware?
“But what happened, it’s done. It’s over.” I turn away from him so he can’t see the sting in my eyes.
God, we haven’t spoken about this in years.
Slices of memories make their way into my psyche each day, but over the years they’ve gotten less frequent.
I’ve been too busy to think about what happened when I lived here in Texas.
The affair. If you can even call it that.
I mean, it was technically. But that would mean both parties were consenting adults.
And I was seventeen. Too young. Too na?ve.
Idolizing a man who relished in our power imbalance.
And here I am, after all the work I’ve done over the years, after everything.
I still agreed to upend my life and my future for an older man who just asked me to.
Alfie has my reputation, my work, my ability to graduate in his big dumb gorgeous hands, and I just want to scream at how stupid I’ve been.
Agreeing to everything, the stalking, the TV show, the lying.
God. What am I going to do? I need to call him.
But say what? I have no idea where to go from here. I have no idea what to say.
He wouldn’t understand. I’ve indulged him because of my feelings for him.
I like him a lot, and not just as a boss or as a friend.
Seeing him become more relaxed and carefree on these little excursions has made me see him in a new light.
And that’s dangerous right now. I can’t afford to let my emotions cloud my judgment. Not again.
“I’m going to quit.”
“Okay. I support you one-hundred percent with whatever you do, but I want it to be for the right reasons. So why exactly do you want to leave so close to your graduation?”
“Levi, please don’t ask questions. I’m not ready. I don’t even know myself. I just know I’m not happy anymore, and I don’t want to stay.”
He huffs like a horse that’s getting sick of being pulled around by its reins. It’s a warning shot.
“You gonna come back home?”
I hesitate. Where else could I go? But people hate me here. Would coming back be harder? “I don’t know. I need to finish up with school and apply for some jobs.”
“Yeah. And if you came back here, you’d be the topic of conversation for the next year given what went down when you left. I get it. It’s not ideal. But Mr. Cor—” He stops himself, flicking a bit of lint off his leg. “That man left after everything happened. Never heard of since. Kind of like you.”
I look away. I want to talk about my past even less than I wanted to talk about Alfie.
The door creaks open, and my niece walks through, holding two cookies. She hands me one and takes a bite of the other.
“Annie. That’s your third one.” My brother crosses his arms in a futile attempt to look tough. “You’re gonna be running around like a headless chicken later if you have any more sugar.”
Annie laughs, cookie crumbs spraying from her mouth. Kids are gross. “Headless chicken. There’s no such thing as a headless chicken. Silly Daddy.”
“I know, baby. Daddy is so silly, right?” he croons. “Let me finish up with Auntie Mia. Then we’re all going out for dinner later tonight.”
“I’m not up for dinner,” I say quickly, diving my head under the covers.
“Not a request. Get in the shower and, for God's sake, clean the dried-up drool on your cheek. You’re a mess, and you're a goddamn doctor.”
I peek out from my hideout.
“Not yet, I’m not.”
He waves me off before snapping open the curtains, allowing the laser sunbeams to penetrate my eyeballs.
“Argh!” I scream, causing Annie to keel over in a fit of giggles. Levi bends to pick her up, smiling.
“Semantics. You’re a genius. They should just give it to you now.”
My brother isn’t one to blow smoke up anyone's ass without reason, and I know, in this instance, the reason is that he wants me at that dinner. Despite understanding he’s manipulating me, it works.
I haul myself out of bed. My muscles aching from lying down for too long.
“Atta girl.”
“Yeah, atta girl, Auntie Mia,” my niece parrots.
“Your boots are in the closet,” he says.
And with that, I’m alone again.
Alfie