Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mia
“Oh, Dr. Angel. How far you have fallen.” Lana scoffs, shaking her head on the screen of my phone.
I sniffle, rubbing away the tears on my wet cheeks.
In the last hour, I’ve caught Lana up to speed on every aspect of my life. The notes from Nate, the fake-turned real relationship, the fact that I’m a doctor, and now that I’m single again in a house that apparently belongs to me.
I’ve kept the curtains drawn and the lights off.
I’m not ready to speak to Alfie, or anyone else, despite the number of calls and messages I’ve received.
My mom even told me he called her to check I was okay.
But it’s been four days and I haven’t felt the urge to talk to him yet.
I don’t need another explanation as to how I’m a terrible influence on him and I’ll be the ruin of his career and life.
I am grateful he messaged me to say that Helen was at home and doing well.
I had a lot to think about. Lottie’s offer of a job and basically a mentorship would be amazing. Honestly, people would kill for this kind of opportunity. But she’s Alfie’s best friend, could I really face a lifetime of seeing him again?
Would I still keep in contact with the Dinner Club?
Would I attend? No, of course not.
“I think you should go for it,” Lana says, reading my thoughts. “Don’t let a man take this opportunity away from you.”
Psychologically, I agree. If Lana were in my position now, I’d be screaming at her to fuck this guy off, but on her big girl pants and take this opportunity.
But my heart is aching; it feels wilted, like it’s lost all its structure and it's started to drip down my body. There’s a gaping hole that used to hold it up. I rub my chest instinctively.
“I think I’m going to do it.”
“Atta girl. Besides, when my six months in Puerto Rico are finished, I need some contacts. You’re my only one right now.” She winks playfully.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll find someone to fake date you until they break your heart, then we can be twins.”
“Dios mio, the drama.” She fans her face. “You could have come here and done this placement with me, avoided it all.”
My heart lurches at the thought. Even though it’s awful, and my heart is broken, I’m still glad I put myself out there to be loved.
I took a chance again, and I haven’t done that since Carter.
Not that Carter counts because he was predatory, and frankly, the whole situation is beyond creepy and exploitative.
But I’m not going to let that define me anymore.
And my relationship with Alfie, although it ended badly, was a good relationship.
I loved him, and I genuinely believed he loved me too.
He just couldn’t get out of his own way.
And despite the messages he’s been sending me now, and the voicemails which I haven’t listened to, I’m not willing to be with someone that isn't all in.
I deserve someone to give me their all. Someone to love me regardless of what their job is and their other obligations are.
I may not find it anytime soon, but I will find it at some point.
I feel stronger than I have in a long time.
I’m not afraid to face the consequences of a relationship that hasn’t worked out.
I feel like I can take on anything. Things have changed so much in the last few weeks, and with my best friend being away, there hasn’t been anyone to remind me that I’m Mia Sinclair.
Someone who rebuilt their life from nothing after being exploited at seventeen.
Someone who got their Ph-fucking-D. Someone who loves people and is strong enough to walk away when that love isn’t enough.
I’m also someone who can forgive. I don’t think I could ever forgive Carter for what he did to me.
But Alfie? After all he’s been through, all the hurt he’s endured and the pressure from his father?
Yeah, I can forgive him for not getting it right the first time something went wrong.
I finish my call with Lana and call Lottie before I lose my nerve.
“Mia, hi.”
“Hey, Lottie. Sorry it’s been a few days. I’ve had a lot to think about.”
“Hey, no worries. How are you?”
“I’m good. I just needed some time to think everything through, especially with how close you are with Alfie.”
“I totally get it, but let me be clear, the job has nothing to do with him. Completely separate, and if never hearing his name again is what you want, I’ll never mention the utter butthole of a man again.”
I laugh for the first time in days. “I can’t imagine anyone ever calling Alfie a butthole.”
“Well, he’s being one,” she snips. “He’s an idiot and utterly stupid for pushing you away.”
A feeling of guilt seeps through me, my shoulders hunching. “I understand why he did, though. I wish he had taken a moment to process before saying what he did.”
“I know. And even though he is a foolish meat-for-brains, he is my friend, and I will say this once, and one time only…he is devastated, Mia. Utterly beside himself that it was his actions that pushed you away. He knows he doesn’t deserve a second chance, but if you were ever to give him one, and I’m not saying you should, but if you did, he would be an excellent groveler. I’m sure of it.”
I smile again, yeah, Alfie gives off that vibe.
“Anyway! Enough talking about men who don’t know their ass from their elbow when it comes to romantic relationships. Did you decide whether you want the job?”
I almost don’t want to stop talking about Alfie. I have so many questions. Is he okay? What has he been doing? Who’s taking care of the office whilst I’m at home? But I say nothing. This is my time to shine, and I’m going to prioritize myself for once.
“Yeah, I have. Can we meet up to discuss it? I can come to you in about an hour?”
“Perfect. And Mia…were you planning on talking to Alfie? Just out of interest, of course.”
“No, I haven’t. I wanted to talk to you first.”
“Okay, no problem. I’ll see you at my place in an hour.”
“See you then.”
◆◆◆
The cool bite of early spring nips at my skin as I lock up the house. Another bouquet sat on the step, this time my favorite, peonies. I don’t know where Alfie got them from at this time of year, but acknowledging his persistence warms me.
I unlock the door again, placing the bouquet on the side table. I’ll put them in water later so I’m not late to meet with Lottie.
I’m going to take Lana’s advice and accept the job.
I know in my heart that working under Lottie’s mentorship would be life-changing.
And despite Alfie needing to sort his shit out, I have a strong feeling that that’s going to work out too.
How do you tell a therapist that they should maybe speak to a therapist?
Either way, I’m not running anymore. My life is here; I want to be here.
Back in Texas, when everything went down in high school, I knew I had to leave.
The scandal nearly broke me and my family.
But I should never have been the focus of the scandal. A teacher took advantage of me, groomed me, and then, when it all blew up, ran off to let me deal with the fallout. I was seventeen. This never should have happened.
I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Despite the speed bumps along the way, I’ve made a name for myself, literally, Dr. Sinclair.
It still hasn’t really sunk in yet that everything I set out to do has come true.
And now I’m going to have the best start to my career by working with one of the best psychologists in the country.
Locking up for a second time, I skip down the step, a renewed sense of vitality seeping through my aching bones.
I feel lighter now. The last few days of moping were necessary, but now I’m itching to move again.
The urge to hit the rink tomorrow morning is overwhelming.
Would Alfie mind if I joined him? He’s been begging to meet me, so I think it will be fine.
Pulling out my phone, I send him a quick text.
Mia: Thank you for the flowers. Are you free to meet at the rink tomorrow morning? Usual time.
I see the three dots bubbling. My pulse quickens that he’s replying so quickly. This is a good sign. He’s keen, eager.
Alfie: Absolutely. I can drive us?
I think about my response. Close quarters with him might be too much. I want to hear what he has to say, but ultimately if it’s just an apology and we’re still broken up, I want my own escape route.
Mia: I’ll meet you there.
The dots appear again as I make my way to the driver-side door.
It’s darker now, the evening light dwindling with the setting sun.
I press the button to unlock my car, but something feels off.
The hairs on my neck stand on end, and I get the sense that I’m not the only one out on this quiet street.
I swipe my head from side to side, but I can’t see anyone.
There’s just the Ford F-150 with the Dallas Cowboys bumper sticker that’s been around for a few months now.
The thought of it comforts me. Like a little piece of home keeping an eye on me.
My phone vibrates, but before I can read the message, I hear the sound of hot, heavy breaths behind me. I spin on my heel, but before I can make out anything other than a tall, looming figure, everything goes black.