Chapter 1
Later that evening, I was surrounded by my fraternity brothers at Boogie's house. Ten in total and they were all turned up. Loud, boisterous energy, but the feeling of brotherhood was thick. The table was lined with liquor alongside a Ziploc bag full of weed and a box of Backwoods in the center.
The air was already hazy, a thin cloud of smoke hovering near the ceiling fan as it spun pushing the scent of weed and cologne through the room. Laughter bounced off the walls, overlapping conversations. It felt like college again for a moment.
I looked at the display and swallowed deep. I hadn’t smoked since my honeymoon—rarely drank hard liquor aside from a glass of wine paired with a good meal. But there was no wine on the table.
My lips turned down when I saw the bottle of Don Julio.
"These niggas on one tonight," I mumbled to myself scratching the back of my head. The bass from the Lil’ Wayne song rattled in my chest. My fingers flexed at my side. I didn’t know whether to indulge or run away. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed as hell.
Boogie came over and patted me on the back. “Don’t get nervous now, nigga. You said you was trying to have a good time.” His hand swept over the display. “And all this, is a good fucking time!”
I didn’t even have time to protest before a shot glass was shoved in my hand. The liquor sloshed slightly. I shook the liquid off my fingers and took a deep breath.
“Toast up my boys!” Boogie hollered already three shots and two blunts in.
My frat's poured shots of liquor and held up their shot glasses. I pushed down my reluctance and took a deep breath. Figured I may as well the most out of this night. With a deep sigh, I raised my glass.
“Tonight is all about brotherhood,” Boogie began, getting serious for moment. He turned to me. “Look dawg, we know you’ve been through hell these last four years. But tonight is a celebration for you. We just want you to know that your brothers are here for you and we got your back.”
I smiled humbly, patting his chest. “Appreciate you, big dawg.”
A chorus of “Yessir!” and “Let’s go!” filled the room, hands reaching in, clinking glass against glass.
We toasted loudly and tossed back the shots.
The first one burned going down, spreading heat through my chest. I winced.
Before I could even rub the burn in my chest, my boy Devon quickly poured me another, tipping the cup to my lips before I could say anything.
“Aye, relax—” I tried, but he all but shoved it down my throat. The second shot hit quicker and harder.
A blunt was passed to me right after. They weren't even trying to let me take a minute to absorb it.
I stared at it for a second, the smoke curling in my face and the smell making my nose wrinkle before accepting it.
“Fuck it. Turn up.” I shrugged with a smile taking a deep pull of the potent weed.
The smoke filled my lungs thicker than I remembered.
I coughed once, waving my hand like I was good even though my lungs felt like they were full of train smoke.
After that…hell, the weight and anxiety melted off me. A few more shots in and that old Remy was peeking out. Laughing easier. Talking louder. Dapping niggas up like no time had passed.
“Time to bounce!” Boogie announced to the group.
We all filed out and piled into three Wagoneer's.
We pulled up to Club Mystique, the line outside the club was wrapped around the corner.
I followed behind Boogie and the rest of the bro's, head low, hands in my pockets, trying to adjust to the change in energy.
I was feeling those shots and the weed heavily.
The bass hit hard as soon as we stepped in—dark lights, flashes of red, a heavy fog of perfume, weed, and sweat. The bottle girls were already lining up near our section, LED signs spelling out “WELCOME BACK REMY!” with sparklers lit.
I wasn’t even expecting all that. My eyes widened. “Y’all serious?”
Boogie clapped me on the back. “Dawg, you only get one resurrection. We celebrating proper.”
We slid into the plush U-shaped booth, already stacked with bottles—1942, Henny, Belaire, and something in a smoked glass bottle that looked dangerous and expensive.
The music switched—Future dropped, and the energy amped up. Me and the bro's rapped every word, voices loud, arms thrown over each other’s shoulders like we were back in college.
Shots were poured. Glasses clinked. Beautiful women came over, dancing and trying to entice us. My frats were all onboard, but even with the shots in my system I wasn’t a hundred percent comfortable. So…I just offered polite smiles, nothing more.
One light-skinned woman with tight curls and a tight dress, leaned over the arm of the booth, finger tracing my chest. “Damn, you always been this fine or is it the lighting?”
Her perfume hit me first, her touch followed. I chuckled shifting slightly to ease out of her reach. “Lighting must be working overtime tonight.”
She smiled like she wasn't used to resistance, her eyes glassy from liquor or amusement, I wasn't sure.
Boogie leaned over loud in my ear. “Let her rock! She bad, bruh!”
I shook my head, smiling but firm. “I’m chilling. Ain’t about that tonight.”
I could feel her eyes still on me, curiosity mixed with a challenge. I didn't wanna be rude, so I looked out over the crowd instead—bodies moving, drinks spilling, the night in full swing.
But without intending to, my mind drifted home.
Wondering how my son was doing. Thinking about my wedding photo hanging in the hallway.
To the quiet prayer I whispered hours earlier.
A heaviness settled on my chest as I sipped my drink.
The effects of the liquor and weed couldn’t quite cancel out the ache in my heart. I ran a hand down my face.
Boogie slid next to me “You aight?”
No…but I nodded anyway. Didn't want to make him feel bad after he put this whole thing together for me. “Yeah. I’m good, bro. Just taking it in.”
Boogie gave me a look like he didn't believe me. He could read me like a book. He clinked glasses with me. “Just try to relax, Rem. I know what you’re thinking, and Melo is good. You deserve to live, my guy. Dri would smack the shit out of me if I let you stop doing that.”
I smirked and nodded because she definitely would. In college the three of us were like the Three Musketeers. He was actually the one who introduced us.
A quick flash hit me—Kendrix in a crowded fraternity party, dancing and laughing while I stood there pretending I wasn’t already hooked. The way she looked at me that first night…like she already knew what we would be.
I glanced over at him. “I know, dawg. Appreciate you. For real.” I downed the shot. Maybe a little more liquor would loosen me up.
As the night continued, I adjusted to the element. I even allowed the light-skinned woman—Precious—to get me to dance. I stood with my hands around her waist as she wound and rolled her ass all over me. She was awakening a sleeping giant with her moves and my dick naturally responded.
Precious smiled sexily, pressing her back closer against my chest. She reached back, snaked her arm around my neck, and drew my head closer to her. My head dipped down to accommodate.
Her lip brushed against my ear. “I feel you, baby. Just know that you can have it if you want it,” she spoke into my ear.
I blinked, taken aback by her boldness. I forgot how forward woman could be when they wanted something.
But…she was beautiful. Maybe a night of hot, passionate sex was just what I needed.
I was pent up after all. I didn’t give her a confirmation just yet, I just smiled and squeezed her waist. “Noted, love,” I replied simply.
“Aight now," she raised her brow, smiling. "Don’t let all this good pussy pass you by tonight,”
I chuckled. Precious kissed my jawline and continued to grind against me.
Out of the corner of my eye, something—or rather someone caught my eye. A leggy, thick vison in short, black lace and stilettos. The diamonds on her wrist, neck and ears, caught the light. Her hair hung in long waves down her back. Her skin glowed.
I watched as she strutted to the middle of the dance floor holding the hand of her friend—equally as beautiful, with long platinum blonde hair and brown skin. It was like the crowd parted for them recognizing their power.
I was immediately drawn to black lace though.
Her head was thrown back as she danced with her friend, her hips rolling to a beat that was just her own.
Raw sensuality rolled off her. No man dared approach them.
No one was brave enough. Women held on to their men tighter as they danced freely—unashamed and not giving a damn who was watching.
I was struck. I had never seen someone look so free. Uninhibited. A woman who looked like she owned any room she walked in. I didn’t even realize I was staring and had stopped dancing until Precious tapped my chest. She was facing me now, her brows knitted together in a scowl.
Precious rolled her eyes. “Damn…you want me to go get her for you?”
Yes, I thought. But I shook my head. “I’m sorry about that,” I spoke into her ear. I've always been a gentleman, and although Precious wasn’t a woman I planned to pursue, I still didn’t want to disrespect her.
My apology warmed her right back up. She smiled softly and ran her hand up my chest. “It’s okay, boo. I’m all the woman you need. Trust me. Sis ain’t got shit on me.”
Debatable.
I smiled but didn’t reply. “Let me run to bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
Precious nodded and kissed my cheek in a way too familiar way before I made my way to the restroom. I used the bathroom and washed my hands staring at myself in the mirror. My eyes were slightly red. “You're good,” I muttered to myself under my breath.
I shot a quick text to my sister to check-in. As I exited with my head down, I bumped into someone. I looked up quickly to apologize and my heart skipped.
It was her. Black Lace.
I was momentarily speechless, lips slightly parted. She was even more beautiful up close. The face of an angel and her eyes were the deepest brown. Like chocolate pools you could drown in.
“I'm sorry about that," I apologized quickly. "I should've been paying attention."
She smiled softly. "No problem, handsome."
Her voice was smooth and soft.
I smiled back. "What's your name, beautiful?"
"Per hour," her blond friend responded for her, head tilted and sizing me up and down with her sharp eyes.
I frowned slightly.
Black Lace rolled her eyes with a smirk. "Don’t mind her. She's just feisty."
"And I gotta pee like a racehorse, so c'mon." Blond Hair said grabbing her hand and leading her away.
Black Lace shrugged, glancing back at me with a smile as her friend pulled her away.
"Hold on—" I called out.
“There you are, thought you got lost.” Boogie approached drawing my attention away. “You good?”
I looked back again, but she had already disappeared into the bathroom, the door swinging close behind her. I slid my phone back in my pocket, “Yeah, I’m straight. Had to check on son-son.”
“Cool.” Boogie nodded. “Let me go piss and get back to the festivities. It’s looking real menage trois’ish tonight, dawg,” he grinned.
I chuckled. “You a fool.” I looked back again, debating on whether I should wait by the door for her to come out. But at the risk of looking like a creep, I decided not too and instead made my way back to VIP where Precious was still waiting.
She slid next to me as soon as I sat down. “You wanna get outta here, sexy?” she purred in my ear.
My heartbeat quickened. I knew what that meant and what she wanted if I agreed.
But was I finally ready to give his body to another woman?
More specifically— a woman who I had no intention on seeing again.
Her voice was tempting. Her body was ready.
Everything about this night was set up for me to say yes. But my mind wasn't in it.
I looked into Precious’s low eyes. She was faded, that much I could tell. It would be nothing to just leave and go fuck her brains out. Let the liquor make the decision. Four years' worth of pent-up aggression unleashed in one night.
Unfortunately, I could no longer operate like college Remy. I needed an emotional connection. I couldn’t engage in casual sex anymore. Not after experiencing the kind of love and passion me and Kendrix had. Just getting my dick wet was no longer enough.
I cupped her face, Precious looked at me with stars in her eyes.
She wanted me and not just for tonight either.
I would never play with a woman's heart though. My thumb slowly stroked her jaw. I shook my head slowly. “As much as I would love too, I’m gonna have to decline, love,” I replied but didn’t offer any explanation.
Her face fell.
“It’s not you. You’re beautiful,” I reassured her. “I’m just not ready.”
Precious let out a slow breath. "Damn. I don’t think I've ever been rejected. Is this what it feels like?" she smiled.
I smirked. "Trust me, if the circumstances were different, I would be all over you."
"So, what's the matter then? You got a wife at home?"
That heaviness returned and the smile slowly faded off my face. I licked my lips and looked down at my ring finger—now bare. The lightened skin still there because I only stopped wearing my ring a few months ago. "Had a wife... she died four years ago."
"Oh my God," she gasped, pressing her hand to her chest. "I'm so sorry. I was just joking, I didn't know."
I looked back over at her shocked face. "It's all good. But that's the reason. Haven't been with anyone since."
She nodded like she understood, her face softening. "Say no more. I understand." She sighed, standing. "I just got out of a horrible relationship so I'm not looking for forever, but…I hope you find the woman who helps you heal."
I looked up at her. "Appreciate you, love."
She kissed my cheek gently. "Enjoy your night." With a wave she walked off.
I watched her blend into the crowd and picked up my cup. I wasn’t ready to jump in headfirst tonight, but when the right woman came along—I'd be ready.