Chapter 49
I was sick.
Physically.
Emotionally.
Spiritually.
Mentally.
My body felt like it was weighed down by ten-ton weights. My eyes were so swollen from crying that it hurt to crack them open.
God…I missed my man.
I missed my little handsome.
The first few hours after I broke up with Remy, he called nonstop. Text after text. Voicemails full of confusion, heartbreak and love that made my heart ache and my throat close. I listened to every single one then cried harder afterward.
He had sacrificed so much for me already, and all I had done in return was break his heart. I had never felt guilt like this before. It sat on my chest every waking second. Even the money he wired me made me cry. I wanted to send it back, but knowing Remy, he probably would've just sent it again.
The pull to him was so strong it scared me. Multiple times I caught myself grabbing my keys ready to drive to him before I stopped myself. Eventually it got so bad that Ronnie took my keys and hid them from me.
Finally…
I just blocked him.
And the next day we switched hotels completely because every time my phone buzzed, my heart would leap into my throat thinking he was letting me know he was outside.
I hated this.
Hated it so fucking much.
I felt like a hostage in my own life.
Constantly looking over my shoulder.
Jumping at noises.
Sleeping with my gun under my pillow because I wasn't sure if that crazy nigga Boss would burst in at night. I felt like I was losing my mind.
Ronnie plopped down next to me, rubbing my body that was buried under the thick comforter. "I hate leaving you like this, sis," she said softly.
"It's fine," I mumbled. "Go. Make your money. I wanna be alone anyway," I grumbled burrowing my face further in the blanket.
"GG—"
"Please, Ronnie—" I croaked. "Just go."
I heard her exhale heavily. "Okay, boo. I'll be back tonight." She peeled the blanket off my face and placed a soft kiss to my temple. "I love you, sis. I'll check in on you in bit." She gently turned my face towards her. "Please—don't do anything crazy while I'm gone, alright?"
I nodded slowly. With another heavy breath, she got up reluctantly and walked out. Then there was nothing but silence and the racing thoughts in my head
I stared at the ceiling for what felt like forever.
Thinking.
Overthinking.
Replaying every moment with Remy over and over.
His smile.
His laugh.
The way he looked at me.
Melo calling me GG. Those big dimples and brown eyes
Sunday breakfasts.
Late nights on the balcony.
The warmth of sleeping beside him.
I couldn't to this…
A sob crawled up my throat. I rolled onto my side quickly grabbing my pillow and holding it against my chest tightly wishing it was him.
I missed him so bad.