Chapter 51
It felt like all the life drained out of me.
I was just—stuck. Suspended in this state of disbelief, unable to grasp the fact that she would do me like that. After everything…
I get she wanted to protect me, but she had to have known that doing this to me would hurt worse than any physical pain ever would. I felt like I was bleeding internally.
My heart…my heart literally hurt.
I couldn't work. I let my managers take over. Let them know I needed a few days because I didn’t have it in me to pretend. Not this time. I just wanted to talk to her. Get her to see reason and understand that I loved her too much to let her go that easily.
But blocking me was so fucking final.
She really was done.
She didn't love me.
She didn't love my son either if she could let us love her this much and then take it away.
I never imagined Gianna would be cruel, but I guess I didn't know her at all. She got what she needed and left.
Maybe this was all about the money after all and I was just another lick. But even thinking that shit made me sick because deep down I didn’t fully believe it. Not when I remembered the way she looked at Melo. The way she cried in my arms. The way she shook while telling me goodbye.
I just wanted to know why?
I sat in the dark living room staring at my phone like a fucking addict. Half hoping she'd unblock me. Half wanting to throw the phone through the wall. My pride was wounded. My heart was shattered.
And worst of all I still wanted her.
Still loved her.
Still craved her in a way that made me want to crawl out of my skin.
Melo's voice pulled me out my thoughts. "Daddy?"
I looked up quickly to see him standing in the hallway in dinosaur pajamas rubbing one eye sleepily.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
That almost broke me all over again. I quickly sat forward forcing a smile onto my face. "Yeah, buddy. What you doing up?"
He shrugged, little face sad. "I miss GG."
I swallowed hard looking away for a second before opening my arms. "C'mere."
He climbed into my lap curling against my chest. I held him tight, pressing my lips against the top of his head while pain ripped through me so hard I could barely breathe through it.
"You think GG still love us?" he asked quietly.
Fuck.
My eyes instantly burned. I hugged him tighter trying to keep myself together for him. "Yeah, buddy," I whispered hoarsely. "I think she do."
"You think she'll come back?" he asked sadly.
"I hope so, son." I rubbed his back. "But hey—look at me?"
He lifted his head.
I cupped his chin in my hand forcing a smile. "In the meantime, Daddy is here. It'll just be me and you like old times. The boys." I held out my fist.
Melo gave me a soft smile and pressed his little fist to mine.
"C'mon. Let's watch some TV until you go to sleep. I'll let you stay home tomorrow and we can have a boy's day. Sound good?"
He nodded quickly dimples sinking in. I turned on Disney and we fell asleep watching Iron Man. I woke up to the sound of my door opening and the sun streaming in the windows. Cracking my eyes open, I saw my parents and my sister strolling in quietly. A Tupperware container was in my Mama's hand.
"Good morning," she whispered as they took off their shoes approaching.
"Morning," I replied peering down at my son who was still curled up on my chest. "Let me go lay him down." I rose carefully and carried Melo to his room, tucking him in and tiptoeing out.
Angel came into my arms when I rounded the corner hugging me around my waist tight. "How are you?" She looked up at me.
I opened my mouth to lie but shook my head. "Not good," I confessed.
Her face fell and she gave me another hug.
Pops was next, wrapping me in his strong embrace, his calloused hands pressed firmly against my back. "We're here, son. We're not letting you do this alone."
"Thanks, Pop." I spoke into his shoulder before we let go.
Mama pulled me down into her arms, smelling like home and comfort. I felt my throat tighten as I buried my face in her neck fighting back tears.
"My sweet, baby boy," she murmured rubbing my back swaying me in her arms like she used to do when I was kid.
I couldn't hold it in anymore. My grip tightened around her as I allowed myself to softly cry into her shoulder. I felt Pops hand resting on the top of my back. When I finally pulled back my face was wet with tears. "Why she leave me, Ma?" I asked brokenly.
Tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm sure she had her reasons, baby. Maybe she just wanted to protect you."
"No." I pulled away wiping my face. "I don’t need protection. I'm a man. We talked about that already. The way she looked at me—" Her face flashed in my head and tightness gripped my chest. "She didn’t want to leave. She was just scared. I shouldn't have let her go." I wiped my nose.
"Did she say anything else?" Pops asked.
I shrugged helplessly. "She was just worried something would happen to me. Said she was sorry." My voice faded off. "She kissed me before she left. Why would she do that if it was really over?" I asked in confusion.
"The way she talked about you in our living room…" Pops rubbed his beard. "She sounded like she was all in. I could see it in her eyes."
"Yeah…me too," Angel chimed in holding on to my arm. "She almost had stars in her eyes when she talked about you and Melo at the restaurant. It's what made me like her instantly."
"I gotta try again." I sniffled nodding my head decisively. "I can't give up on her. Not this easy. She needs me," I continued with conviction.
"Remy…maybe this is for the best," Mama spoke up.
My face turned at her words. "No, Ma. This ain't for the best for me or her. I love that woman. I wanna marry her. Build a family with her."
"Oh God, Remel—" she rubbed her forehead beginning to pace.
"Honey, what's wrong?" Pops asked in concern reaching out to stop her movements.
She exhaled heavily, looking off shaking her head slowly. "I thought I was doing what was for the best."
My brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"
Mama looked at me. Tears instantly filled her eyes. "I talked to Gianna." Her voice cracked softly.
Silence. The room went completely still. Angel's grip tightened around my arm while Pops face slowly hardened in realization.
I stared at my mother trying to process what she just said. "When?" I asked quietly.
"Monday." She wiped quickly underneath her eyes. "I just…wanted to protect you, baby."
My stomach dropped. "You told her leave me?" I whispered.
"No—no not exactly," she rushed out emotionally. "I just… I told her how worried I was. About you. About Melo. I just wanted her to understand how much this was impacting your life."
"You talked to her…" I repeated numbly.
And suddenly everything started making sense. The crying and guilt. The panic in her eyes.
I dragged both hands over my face turning away from everybody because anger and heartbreak hit me so hard at once, I thought I might actually lose my mind.
"Remel—" Mama reached for me.
"No." I stepped back.
Her face crumbled. "Let me explain," she whispered.
"You had no right." My voice shook. "No fucking right."
Pops stepped forward carefully. "Son—"
"No, Pop." I shook my head sharply tears burning my eyes again. "She didn't leave because she stopped loving me. She left because you guilt tripped her."
Mama burst into tears. "I was scared!" she cried. "You came home bruised up! Melo was crying! I couldn't lose you too!"
"But you already did!" I shouted back, voice breaking. "You already fucking did!"
The second those words left my mouth Mama physically flinched. And that instantly made me feel horrible. But I was hurting too bad to take it back.
"I finally found somebody that made me happy again," I said brokenly. "Do you know what that took for me after Kendrix?" My chest heaved hard. "Do you know how hard it was for me to love somebody again?"
Mama covered her mouth sobbing. "I wasn't trying to hurt you, baby."
"But you did." My voice dropped. "And you hurt her too."
Mama slowly sank down onto the couch, tears falling quietly "I just got you back happy again," she whispered voice quivering. "I didn't wanna lose my son."
My anger softened instantly hearing that. Pops gave me that look, thick brows lifting. I nodded. Exhaling slowly, I stepped around the couch crouching down in front of her. I took both her hands into mine. "The reason I'm happy again is because of her, Ma," I said softly.
Fresh tears welled in her eyes. "I can see that now," she admitted quietly. "I just thought I was doing the right thing for you and Melo."
"I know." I squeezed her hands gently. "And I appreciate you for that more than you know." My voice softened further. "But you can't keep me from my heart, Ma. I love her. I'm not giving up on her."
"That's what makes you so special, baby." She smiled sadly through her tears. "Your heart is so pure."
A small smile pulled at my lips. "Y'all raised me right."
"That we did." She squeezed my fingers tightly. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay." I lifted her hand kissing the top softly. "You were just trying to protect me like she was." I shook my head slightly. "And I shouldn't have yelled at you either."
She reached up touching the side of my face gently.
"Oh baby…" her voice cracked. "I understand why you did.
I will say this," Mama sniffled wiping underneath her eyes.
"Despite my fears… I truly am happy you found somebody else to love.
" A small smile crossed her face. "She really is a lovely young woman. "
"She is," I said softly. "That's why I gotta bring her back to us."
Pops walked over then, resting his heavy hand on my shoulder. "What can we do to help, son?"
I straightened slowly, determination settling into me for the first time in two days.
"I'ma call Boog. See if I can get him to give me her best friend's number so I can talk to her."
"I can talk to her too if you need me to," Mama offered quickly. "Apologize for meddling."
I smiled faintly shaking my head. "It's all good, Ma. I got it."
Angel walked over and linked her arm through mine. "Go get your girl then, big bro," she smiled warmly.