Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHASE
I wake to find Noah already awake and on a phone call in the other room. So I use this moment to get up and spend some time writing in my journal, noting everything from last night.
Noah killed someone for the Kozlov organization, I write. His first official task. And he did it so effortlessly, zero hesitation, no remorse, no emotional interference. It suited him.
When we got home he showed me the photographs of all of his kills from past to present.
I was shocked as it was not something I expected.
Serial killers are known to keep something from the crime as a memento, but Noah didn’t do it for that reason.
He did it to capture the beauty, and I’m unsure how to go forward with that.
Is this due to his psychopath diagnosis?
Is it a hobby that is tainted by the darkness?
The worst thing of the evening was how aroused I was when watching him work.
I'm not a sadist, but it was something about the way he did it, because of me.
To actually see what he is capable of because someone looked in my direction gives me a thrill that should not exist. I pause, staring at what I've written.
I should be horrified, but instead I'm sitting here writing about it like it's a case study. Like I'm witnessing a psychological phenomenon rather than my own passive involvement in murder.
The truth is, I don't want to stop it, what he does. I want to watch it unfold. I want to see Noah in his element without any constraint.
My phone buzzes. A text from Ty.
Ty: Lunch today? Just you and me?
I hesitate, and ignore the message as my mind isn’t in the right space after last night. I go back to journaling, deciding to end the entry on a positive note.
More exciting news is that we will be moving into our new home soon.
I’m so excited to finally have a place that’s ours.
No more hotels. It’s been so long since I’ve had a routine and a proper home, that I cannot wait.
I’ve already picked out everything we need.
This is the next step for us and I feel complete.