14. Tessa
Chapter fourteen
Tessa
I’ve changed my outfit at least six times, and I’m still not sure if I like what I’m wearing.
A nervous energy has been swirling in my stomach since I agreed to a date with Logan, and the feeling has only gotten stronger with each passing day.
He’s been in the diner as much as his schedule has allowed this week, and the couple of days he didn’t make it in, he sent “good morning” texts instead.
It’s crazy how the simplest thing stirs up a swarm of butterflies in my stomach, something that seems to happen every time I see him.
When I asked Liv if she would come over and spend the day with Jake, she responded by telling me to “get some” and said she would happily steal my kid.
She’s always been my best friend, and she’s an amazing aunt to him.
Knowing her, she’ll take him to the park to burn off some energy before they come back to the house to watch movies and play a few board games.
“Tell me you’re ready to go and not changing for the millionth time,” she calls as she walks into my bedroom and throws herself down on the bed.
Each time Logan came by the diner this week, he asked about my favorite things—flowers, food, and drinks.
He probably thinks he’s being sly, but I know what he’s up to.
That man is determined to plan the perfect first date, but if our immediate chemistry from the night we met is anything to go by, there’s no way it will be anything less.
I’ve been so focused on how I look in what I’m wearing, I didn’t stop to consider whether or not it’ll work for whatever it is we’re doing. This is why it would be helpful to at least know some of the details, but he’s been firm in his decision not to give anything away.
Hopefully, the outfit I chose works.
Most days, I keep it simple and wear jeans and a T-shirt.
But if he’s going through the trouble of planning something special, the least I can do is put in a little effort too.
I can’t begin to describe how good it feels to be dressing up for a change, even though I told him I wanted to keep our date casual.
When I started going through my closet, I realized how little I actually have for a date, even a casual one.
Liv helped me shop and pick out something new to wear.
It’s nothing fancy, but it’s definitely a step above casual.
The light purple dress is made of a soft, stretchy material and hits mid-thigh.
The skirt is just flowy enough that it sways a little when I walk without being so lightweight that a breeze will send it flying up, and the sweetheart neckline shows a hint of cleavage without making me feel like my breasts are going to fall out if I bend over too far.
Plus, I feel confident with the way it hides my lower stomach instead of clinging to every curve and roll.
I know my body is nothing to be ashamed of, and he has already seen me completely naked and exposed, but the last thing I want is to spend the entire date worried about the way I look.
I’m wearing a pair of plain white shoes, just in case we do something that involves a bunch of walking.
My hair, which I typically keep up in a messy ponytail or bun, falls in loose waves over my shoulders the same way it did the night we met.
I’ve never been the type to wear a full face of makeup, but for this, I put on a few coats of mascara and some neutral eye shadow, just enough to make my eyes stand out a bit more.
“That’s it. You’re not allowed to change. I knew that dress would be perfect,” Liv declares. “He’s going to lose his shit when he sees you.”
“You don’t think it’s too much?” I turn around slowly, giving her the full view of the dress.
“Absolutely not. When’s he supposed to be here?”
At first, I was hesitant about him picking me up, but Liv pointed out that he has already met Jake, which was the only reason for my hesitation.
However, I did ask him to text me when he’s here instead of coming to the door, so I have a chance to slip out without answering too many questions from my son about where I’m going or why I’m dressed up.
“He should be here any minute,” I tell her. “You’re sure I look okay?”
“I promise, you look amazing. I wouldn’t lie to you. As long as you’re not wearing basic cotton underneath that, you’ll be fine.”
I scoff, planting my hands on my hips. “I might be new at this whole dating thing, but I’m not stupid.
” I should probably talk to Logan when he gets here about setting some boundaries, but the thought seems absurd when we’ve already had sex.
There’s a part of me that wants to sleep with him again and enjoy everything he has to offer, but another part—the more rational side—thinks we should back up a few steps and take things slow.
Still, just in case… “I may have splurged and treated myself to some new lingerie.”
Liv pushes herself up and shifts until her legs are folded beneath her, sitting cross-legged on my bed. “For Logan?”
“I mean, yes. But also for myself. I need every boost of confidence I can get,” I say, fighting back the nervous laugh attempting to burst free.
“I don’t know what to expect, but even if the date ends with nothing more than a kiss, I’ll feel better about myself knowing what I’ve got on underneath the dress. ”
“I know you’re nervous about this being your first date since losing Ryan, but you deserve this, Tess.”
My gaze shifts to the wooden dresser that used to hold all of Ryan’s clothing and settles on one of the framed photographs displayed on top.
It’s a photo from our wedding day but not one of the professional ones taken by the hired photographer.
In it, we’re sitting in the front seat of his truck, smiling as we lean in toward each other and hold up our left hands to show off our wedding rings.
I remember him being the one to hold his phone out in front of him and insist we capture the moment and the smell of his cologne as he whispered promises of forever in my ear.
Neither of us could have anticipated that forever wouldn’t last nearly long enough.
Staring at the photo, I say, “Sometimes I swear I can still hear his laughter when I’m watching one of his favorite movies, or I’ll walk into the room after a long day and smell his cologne. I know that sounds crazy, but—”
“It’s not crazy,” Liv says. “You might always have those moments, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make room for new memories with someone else.”
My phone chimes from where I left it on top of my dresser, and I spin around to grab it, smiling when I see his name.
Logan: I’m here. Can’t wait to see you.
Heat spreads through my chest and rises to my cheeks. “He’s here,” I murmur, turning to face Liv.
She follows me to the living room and plops down on the floor next to Jake, who’s currently building a LEGO tower on the coffee table. “Hey, buddy, Momma is going to go out with a friend for a bit, and you’re going to hang out with Auntie Liv, okay?”
He slowly tears his eyes away from the colorful tower, looking between Liv and me. “With who?” he asks, confusion painting his face. Besides my parents, she’s the only person I spend much time with.
“A new friend. I won’t be gone too long, okay? I’ll be back before bedtime.”
He nods and gets to his feet, running toward me as I crouch down to meet him for a hug.
“I love you, buddy,” I say, and he pops a kiss on my cheek as I ruffle his hair. Liv is digging through his bucket of LEGO, and he runs back to join her at the coffee table, excited to play.
I watch them for a moment as the swirling in my stomach settles.
I've spent the last six years doing everything in my power to make sure my little boy knows he's loved, to make sure he never feels the pain of loss.
I had finally reached a point in my life where I'd made peace with being a single mom and the love I have for my son becoming the greatest love of my life.
Now, I realize there's room in my heart and in my life for something new. Something more.