Beth
Beth
Her heart is pounding as she descends the curved staircase back down to the marble-lined entrance hall. Not just because of Maggie’s reaction, which stunned and upset her, but because of what Nick had said.
That he thought they might end up together.
Did he really think that?
She has spent the last nine years burying that notion deep inside her, and now he’s scratched at the soil heaped on top of it, so that a tiny section of it is visible to the light.
‘Oh, God, Nick,’ she whispers under her breath. She wants to cry. She has loved Nick ever since she first met him, but after the fire everything was such a mess, and he ran away… and since then there has always been something – someone – standing in their way.
Was it actually just themselves? Were they the ones in their own way?
And now, she’s at his wedding. He’s just married someone else. And she thought she was happy for him. She thought it was the right thing.
She thinks about the night at his flat, right after she left Paulo, the way they nearly kissed, and he pulled away from her. Told her it wasn’t what she wanted.
When she knew that it was. It was exactly what she wanted.
She’s just confused. Everything is in a muddle because she and Vaughan have been living apart for months, and this is Nick’s wedding, and everyone knows that weddings mess with your head.
But the more she tries to close the memories out, the more they rush in, filling her stupid confused brain with truths she can’t deny.
The feelings of euphoria as they kissed in the cold air that night nine years ago, the way she thought even then that she already loved him.
As they ran away from the Asylum – holding hands under the baggy sleeves of their hoodies – she felt as though she had completed the game called life. That she’d peaked early.
But she was a fool. An eighteen-year-old fool. The game was only just the beginning.
‘Baby!’
She looks up. Vaughan is standing opposite her, looking confused.
‘What’s the matter?’ he says, taking her arm. ‘Why are you crying?’
‘I…’ She blinks, pats her cheeks. He’s right. She is crying. Why is she crying?
‘Are you OK?’ he says. ‘You’re white as a sheet.’
‘I’m fine. I just…’
‘Where did you go? I’ve been looking all over for you.’
She shakes her head. What can she say to him? He’s looking down at her now, confused by her strange behaviour.
‘Sorry. I just…’
He smiles.
‘I think I know what this is about,’ he says, eventually. He blinks at her. ‘I’m not an idiot you know.’
‘What?’
He shifts his weight from one foot to the other.
‘Listen. Baby, I love you.’
She frowns, suddenly even more confused. What is happening today? Is it like that thing in science where you can’t bring two forces together without the whole world imploding?
‘I… love you too,’ she says, stuttering. ‘Why are you being weird?’
‘I’ve been talking to one of your friends,’ he says, but he’s smiling now. In a sympathetic way. Almost as though he pities her. ‘Rose, I think? She told me you used to have a big crush on Nick. That he was known for being a bit of a womaniser.’
Rosa.
Rosa is here ?
‘What?’ Her voice comes out louder than she intended. ‘What the…’
‘Baby, it’s OK,’ he says. ‘I’ve been around the block. I get it. When people you once liked… well, when they settle down, it’s sometimes a bit weird. Makes you look back at your life. What might have been.’
‘Vaughan,’ she begins. She wants to deny what he’s saying, but how can she?
But why would Rosa say that?
And why has Nick invited Rosa to his wedding? Nick never mentions her. She feels humiliated, stupid, as though she’s believed their relationship to be special – to have been the only one from university he’d maintained – when in fact it’s anything but.
And what about all these years she’s tried to reach out to Rosa and she’s been rejected? The whole time, she was still in touch with Nick.
‘It’s totally normal to feel a bit nostalgic. It doesn’t mean anything you know,’ he says. He begins to steer her away from the stairs, back towards the marquee.
‘I’m fine. It’s just weddings. They make everyone emotional,’ Beth mutters, sniffing.
She remembers Maggie’s words about Nick cheating on her when they first got together. It shouldn’t surprise her, but it does. She’s disappointed now. Sad.
Not the settling down type.
He’s a player.
Can’t trust him as far as you could throw him.
These were the comments that followed Nick Parker around wherever he went, for as long as she’s known him. That night all those years ago, she was almost just another in the long line of notches on his bedpost. And then when she needed him the most, he ran away.
She has to remember that.
But then why did he say, just now, that he thought they’d end up together?
She’s not nostalgic, she’s angry. He chose to tell her that on his wedding day? He’s the worst. She wishes she’d never met him. Ever since the day he offered her that lift down to visit her grandfather in hospital, all he’s done is mess with her head.
Poor Maggie.
She looks up at Vaughan, who’s smiling down at her. She feels stupid.
Look at what she has. What she has is good. It’s right. Nick is her friend, that’s all. And of course there’s some nostalgia there, because they never got to explore what their relationship might have been. Because it was interrupted before it had the chance to start.
But undoubtedly if they had had a proper relationship while they were at university, it would have ended at some point.
She thinks back to her uni days. She can’t name a single couple from that time who stayed together once university had finished. She and Nick would have broken up at some point, if they had ever even made it off the starting blocks. She’s sure of it.
And then there’s Vaughan. Lovely, grown-up Vaughan who takes care of her and supports her and loves her, and appreciates how much her career means to her. Lovely Vaughan who’s level-headed and confident. Who doesn’t play games.
Lovely Vaughan who wants to make a life with her in Los Angeles.
‘Are you OK, darling?’ he says, as he hands her another glass of champagne. ‘You look like you’re miles away.’
She stares up at him. Imagines a future – one more exciting and glamorous than she could ever have dreamed of.
‘I’m fine,’ she says. ‘I was just thinking. What you said before… about living in LA for a bit. Why not? Let’s do it.’