Chapter 13
Mattie cast another furtive glance at Nell, who sat bolt upright next to her in the back of the cab.
Nell hadn’t spoken a word beyond telling the driver her address.
The seat belt was on the verge of strangling her, but Nell seemed oblivious.
She glared out of the window, jaw set, long pale neck slanted to the left.
Fuck. Mattie had started the day needing to apologise to Nell, and now it was ending, and she needed to do it again.
Why hadn’t she managed to stick to looking and not touching?
“I’m sorry,” Mattie whispered, conscious that the cab driver might overhear. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t,” Nell said, her voice was monotone and distant.
Mattie sat on her hands to resist the urge to reach out to her. “You’re clearly upset.”
“I am.” Nell swivelled to face Mattie. “With myself.” Then she turned back to the window again, her body rigid.
What did that mean? Was Nell regretting passing their moment up?
Or wishing she’d never agreed to spend the rest of the day together?
Mattie had been so sure that Nell wanted to kiss just as much as she had, and she’d nearly missed that last-moment shake of the head.
Don’t, it had said. So she’d respected Nell’s wishes and dragged herself away.
When the cab pulled up outside Nell’s house, Mattie waited while Nell handed the driver twenty pounds and waved away the change. “Can we talk, Nell? Please?”
Nell opened her mouth to answer, but an odd scraping sound interrupted her. Mattie turned and saw an elderly man struggling to wheel a large black rubbish bin off his driveway.
“Oh, hell, it’s bin night,” Nell muttered. “Let me help you, Ronnie,” she said, raising her voice.
He squinted at her through his thick glasses. “Nell?”
“Yes, it’s me. I’m back later than I expected, but you know I always do your bins for you.”
“I wasn’t sure,” he said, his voice shaking. “You weren’t home.”
Mattie watched as Nell played the role of supportive neighbour. Despite her mood in the car, she was patient with him as she parked the wheelie bin at the edge of the pavement while Ronnie used it as a walking support. Then she offered her arm, and he tucked his hand into the nook of her elbow.
Ronnie shuffled forward. “The compost bin still needs doing.”
Mattie pointed at the small brown cubby bin sitting on the front doorstep. “That one? I can do that for you.”
“Oh, do be careful, the handle’s—”
“Broken,” Mattie said, as a week’s worth of potato cuttings, mouldy tea bags, and congealed bits of indistinguishable rotting foodstuffs tumbled out of the box and onto her shins and feet. Fuck. It was a perfect metaphor for this evening’s events.
Ronnie looked mortified. “Oh dear. I’m so very sorry.”
Mattie flicked a lump of congealed tomato off her leg and tried not to gag.
Nell glanced at Mattie and mouthed, “Give me a minute.” Then she turned to Ronnie. “Let’s go inside, and then I can get some gloves and clean this lot up.”
The minute felt like fifteen. Mattie had an almost unbearable urge to rip leaves off the nearest bush and use them to wipe the grunge off her skin.
Nell finally reappeared with a pair of pink rubber gloves, a cloth, and a bin bag. “Ronnie is so embarrassed about all this, bless him.”
“Bless him” wasn’t the sentiment at the forefront of Mattie’s mind as she took the cloth from Nell and wiped her muck-splattered legs. “Christ, this stinks. So do I.”
“I’ve smelled better.” Nell’s lips twitched. “This is a slightly surreal end to the day.”
“That’s one way of putting it.” Mattie’s lips curled into a reluctant smile.
“I’m sure I’ll be able to twist it into a funny party story, but I’m not at the ‘this is hilarious’ stage quite yet.
” She looked at the mess on the pavement and sighed.
“I’ll hold the bin bag open while you shovel everything in. ”
“Thanks.” Nell set to work. “It should’ve crossed my mind that he’d try to do the bins by himself. As you saw, he’s not the most stable on his feet. He lost his wife, Alice, last year, and he’s not been the same since.”
Okay, maybe “bless him” was the correct sentiment after all.
Nell knotted the bag shut and flung it into the bin. “Come back to mine so I can help you clean up. Then we can talk.”
Mattie followed Nell inside but loitered on the doormat. “I’ll make everything dirty.”
Nell pointed at a low pine unit that doubled as a bench and shoe storage. “Take a seat on there. I’ll get some soap and towels.” She returned with a bowl of soapy water and a handful of towels. “Wash your hands in here.”
Mattie plunged her hands into warm water and groaned in relief.
Only when she reached for a towel, did she realise that Nell was kneeling on the tiled floor to undo the laces on her boots.
It felt oddly intimate, and after the drama of earlier, she wasn’t sure her nerves could take any more.
“I can do that,” she said to the back of Nell’s head.
“It’s done now.” Nell pulled off the boots and examined the grime on them. “That’ll sponge off. Your socks will survive too, once they’ve had a hot wash.”
Mattie jerked away when Nell peeled off one of the dirty socks. “Nell, please stop and listen to me.”
Nell did as Mattie asked but kept her head bowed.
“For the second time today, I need to apologise to you.” Mattie puffed out her cheeks. “I totally misread the situation and got carried away. I shouldn’t have even thought of—”
“No, no, don’t say that, please.” Nell finally lifted her head.
Mattie flinched at the anguish on her face.
“You didn’t misread anything. I just...lost my nerve.” Nell’s gaze shifted away. “It’s been a very long time since...anyone.”
Relief flooded Mattie. “I was worried I’d offended you again.”
“No. Quite the opposite.” Nell soaked a flannel in the warm water and handed it to Mattie. “For your legs.”
At least Nell hadn’t tried to wash them herself; that would’ve been too much to bear.
Mattie rubbed her shins until the skin was lobster pink and the smell of lavender soap replaced the sour odour of rotting rubbish.
“That’s better.” She tensed when she met Nell’s lingering gaze.
It was full of desperation and longing. For her? Hope flared all over again.
“It’s been quite a day,” Nell whispered.
“Quite.” The silence hung heavy and charged. Mattie held Nell’s gaze. Dare she move closer? She inched forward, near enough to feel Nell’s breath on her cheek. Nell didn’t retreat, but Mattie wasn’t going to risk any more mistakes. “I need you to be sure. Do you think this is a good idea?”
“For once, I would really like not to think. But if you think we shouldn’t...” Nell’s jaw clenched, as if steeling herself for rejection.
No, Mattie couldn’t bear that look. It had to go.
She closed the remaining gap and brushed her lips over Nell’s, brief and feather-light.
Lovely. Then she pulled back to check that Nell was okay.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled.
Mattie cradled her face and kissed her again, firmer and fuller this time.
Warmth flooded her as Nell shyly responded.
“Oh,” Nell hummed, when they finally came up for air.
Mattie stroked her cheek with the tip of her finger. “What are you thinking now?”
“I still really don’t want to do any thinking.”
Mattie’s heart thudded. “Shall I do it for us?”
Nell’s face flushed. “Yes, please.”
“I think we need more kisses.” Mattie teased her tongue along Nell’s lower lip and tasted ice cream and sweetness.
Nell let her in and they kissed, slow and deliberate.
Mattie trailed her hands to the curve of her hips.
“I think I’d like to take you to bed. I also think we should go there now because otherwise, I’ll have you right here and now against the hallway wall. ”
Nell giggled. Giggled. Dear god, how cute was that? Mattie’s body sang and danced in delight at it all as she let Nell lead the way to the bedroom. Nell’s fingers clung tightly to hers, and Mattie caught the vulnerable look flittering across her face.
“I think we’ll take it slowly,” Mattie whispered as they stood next to the bed.
Nell smiled shyly as Mattie ran her finger along Nell’s collarbone and pulled the T-shirt’s neckline aside.
“I’ve been desperate to kiss these freckles since the first time I saw them.
” She traced them with her lips, but the T-shirt blocked her progress. “This needs to come off.”
Nell pulled it over her head and dropped it to the floor, followed closely by her bra.
Oh, dear god. Full breasts, even more amply gorgeous than Mattie had imagined them to be. She reached out and stroked their shape and felt Nell’s tremulous response. When she rubbed her thumbs over Nell’s nipples, they hardened, and Nell gasped. “I think you like that.”
Nell tipped her head back. “You’re exceptional at thinking.”
Mattie nuzzled Nell’s neck. “Why, thank you. I’ll do some more thinking on our behalf.
” She delighted in Nell’s shiver as she trailed kisses along the swell of Nell’s breast. When she replaced her stroking thumbs with her mouth, Nell bucked her hips.
Christ, how had Mattie lived without this?
She revelled in licking and sucking, greedy for more.
Clearly, Nell was discovering her confidence, because her hands were roaming too, around the curves of Mattie’s hips and down the front of her shirt.
Only when fresh air tickled her stomach did she realise that Nell had undone the buttons and was about to push her shirt off. She jerked away. “Don’t do that.”
Nell’s face flushed, and she wrung her fingers together. “Sorry, I—I thought you wanted this.”
“Oh god, I didn’t mean...” Mattie shook her head, embarrassment replacing her desire.
“I do want this. I should have thought it through.” And why hadn’t she?
Because she’d got swept away in the moment.
Everything with Nell had felt natural and so very right, until the moment when reality came crashing back.
She turned away to hide her sudden tears.
Nell cupped her chin. “Tell me what’s wrong, because I don’t understand. Did I do something I shouldn’t have?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one at fault.” Mattie tugged her shirt closed. “I do want this. You. Us. But I can’t take my shirt off. My back... Well, the scars are a passion-killer.”
Nell held her gaze. “It’s not a problem for me.”
“Just...no.”
Nell trailed her fingers from the cleft at the base of Mattie’s collarbone down to the V of her breasts. She tugged at the bra and smiled up at Mattie tentatively. “What if we take this off but keep the shirt? Would you be okay with that?”
“More than okay.” Her breath shuddered. Christ, Nell’s kindness would be her undoing.
She felt like the sun had just come back out from behind a thick cloud.
She went through a convoluted procedure of undoing her bra and trying to pull the straps out from the sleeves without taking her shirt off.
The bra bunched up like a knot and refused to budge. “I’m all tangled up.”
“I won’t look at your back if you need to take your shirt off.” Nell cupped Mattie’s breasts. “I’ll be too distracted by these.”
“That’s not exactly helping.”
Nell’s laughter broke the tension. Mattie took off her shirt, yanked the offending bra out of the sleeve, and slipped the shirt back on.
Nell closed the lowest two buttons. “This way your shirt won’t fall off, but I still get access to these.”
Mattie dropped her head back and thrust her chest out, enjoying Nell’s ministrations. “That’s so good.” She slipped a hand just inside the waistband of Nell’s shorts. “Can I?”
“I wish you would.”
So she did. Material pooled at her feet, first Nell’s shorts and then her own.
The thrill of anticipation left her barely able to breathe.
She wanted all of Nell, everything she was willing to give.
They fell onto the bed and stretched out, hip to hip.
Mattie skimmed her hands down Nell’s spine and around to her abdomen.
Nell’s skin tasted of sun cream and salty sweat, but rather than thinking about suggesting they both take a shower, it was a huge turn-on.
Arousal zinged along her nerve endings, and heat pooled at her core.
She nudged inside the thin material of Nell’s panties. Nell moaned.
“Yes?” Mattie gave her a wicked grin.
Nell breathed out a sigh. “Yes.”
“I want more. I want all of you.” Mattie wriggled up the bed. “Straddle me.”
Nell shifted over Mattie and then shuffled forward so that her breasts were level with Mattie’s face. “Like this?”
“God, yes, Nell. Give them to me.” Mattie caught the look of sheer astonishment on Nell’s face at her own wanton behaviour as she offered her breast to Mattie’s eager mouth.
Glorious. Nell lurched against the headboard, clinging on to it as though it was a lifebelt.
Mattie sucked feverishly at the sensitive nipple, until Nell tugged it free when she wanted her other nipple to receive the same treatment.
“That’s so good.”
“I thought you’d like it.” Mattie dragged Nell’s panties down to allow enough room for her to be able to slide her hand into the wet warmth between Nell’s thighs. She drew languorous circles, and Nell’s moans grew more intense. God, the sound she made was so intoxicating.
“I can’t hold on much longer.” Nell arched her back, almost losing her balance as her thighs trembled. “I want to but...”
“So let go,” Mattie said softly.
Bucking her hips, Nell moaned, low and raw, as a spasm seized her. Then she came undone, and Mattie caught her, holding her close as aftershocks pulsed through her. “You okay?”
“I have no idea.” Nell laughed and shook her head. “I am...I think.”
Mattie pulled the sheet up to loosely cover them, but Nell pushed it back down. “We’re not done yet.”
“No?”
Nell stroked her hand up Mattie’s thigh to her boyshorts. “I can think for myself now.”
Mattie shivered. She knew the black cotton was soaked. Nell had done that to her. Did she realise just how damn alluring her shyness laced with an intoxicating blend of raw desire was? Mattie spread her legs, and Nell tentatively ventured inside. Mattie shuddered in delight.
“Is this... Is this all right?” Nell whispered.
Mattie clasped Nell’s hand. “This is very right.”