Chapter 17
Mattie pushed Nell back against the bedroom wall and jammed her against it before kissing her like her life depended upon it. “Is this how you want it?”
“More.” Nell panted. “Make me feel alive.”
A haze of lust descended. Mattie ripped at Nell’s clothes while her mouth and tongue sucked and licked. Her thigh slid home, pressing against Nell’s core. “Like this?”
A whimper tore from Nell’s throat. “Yes.”
Mattie moaned at the sheer need in her answer. Had Nell ever let go like this before? Raw, frenetic, and so desperately needy? This was beyond anything Mattie ever imagined doing with her, and it fired her own arousal.
Nell wobbled like a fawn. “My legs are going to give way.”
Mattie sank to her knees and hitched one of Nell’s legs over her shoulder. “I won’t let you fall.” And then she pushed Nell’s underwear aside and kissed her there. “So wet.”
Nell moaned and fisted her hands in Mattie’s hair as she slammed her head back against the wall.
“Yes.” Mattie breathed the word into Nell’s core, urging her on and on until, loud and tremulous, she came undone on Mattie’s tongue.
Afterwards, Mattie tumbled with her onto the bed in a tangle of half-removed clothes and shaky legs. Taking Nell like that was what fantasies were made of.
Nell looked at her with sex-glazed eyes. “Thank you.”
Mattie snorted. “Believe me, the pleasure was equally mine.”
“Equally? I most definitely came, but you didn’t.” Nell managed to look both ingénue and incredibly hot as she smiled. “Not yet.”
Mattie luxuriated in Nell’s enthusiastic touch.
Each time they went to bed together, Nell grew bolder, leaving the shackles of her self-consciousness behind.
It was divine to witness and be the beneficiary of.
“You’re toying with me,” she said, as Nell traced her fingers along Mattie’s inner thigh.
She bucked beneath Nell and tried to grab her hand.
Nell gently but firmly held her off. “Nell, don’t stop. I need—”
“Need what?”
So damn hot. What the hell had Mattie unleashed in her? “I need to come.”
Nell smirked. “I know.”
“Are you going to make me beg?”
“Looks like it.” Nell tugged Mattie’s hands above her head. “Hold on to the bed rail, or I’ll make you wait even longer.”
“For someone who claims to have little experience knowing what a woman wants, you are a very quick learner,” Mattie muttered.
Nell looked down at her prone body. “You’re a very good teacher.” She dragged her finger along Mattie’s core in one lazy stroke.
“Holy fuck.” Mattie’s chest heaved. “Again. Please!”
Nell did as requested, then shuffled down Mattie’s trembling body and replaced her finger with her tongue.
After she came, Mattie wondered how thick the cottage’s walls were. With the noise she’d just made, they would surely have been heard three doors down. She returned from the kitchen with two glasses of iced water and handed one to Nell. “Here you go.”
Nell took it and drank deeply. “That’s good.”
The evening was humid, and Mattie’s body was still slick with sweat, so she didn’t bother to pull the sheet up around them. She mimicked Nell’s position, curled on her side and with her head propped up on the pillows. “You’re amazing,” she whispered.
Nell smiled dozily in response and closed her eyes.
Mattie gazed at her in wonder, her own body languid and still basking in the afterglow of such a fierce orgasm.
It must’ve taken so much courage for Nell to ask for what she needed.
It’d been surprising and thrilling. Mattie had fucked and been fucked, and let Nell have and do what she needed.
Why had Nell needed it? To forget? To replace bad memories?
Mattie brushed her hand along Nell’s warm thigh.
So much had changed in her short time away from London.
Having sex and finding a way of doing so without baring her scars hadn’t been something she’d envisaged.
Yet here she was, indulging in a fling that was nothing like any she’d had before.
Her usual no-strings affairs and one-night stands involved skating over the surface of one another’s lives.
Nell was unique and had thrown the rule book out of the window.
Something had shifted in the dynamic between them, but Mattie couldn’t put her finger on what.
Normally, she’d call Shona and talk things through, but this thing with Nell felt too precious to examine under a microscope.
And she’d promised to keep Nell’s confidence.
It would crush Nell if she didn’t, and the thought of doing that to her didn’t bear thinking about.
Where did Nell get her inner strength from?
She’d opened herself up into an incredibly vulnerable space.
The emotional trauma and shame she’d endured were palpable and Mattie had been torn between wanting to wrap her up and hold her close and hunting that bastard down and making him pay for what he’d done.
That Nell had trusted her enough to share her most private trauma was an honour.
Mattie was sure Nell had kept it brief, retelling enough to explain and sparing both of them the full details.
Mattie understood that. She’d never shared the worst of the emotional and physical impact of Kenya with anyone, not even Shona.
Nell’s revelations went a long way to explaining her reserved and standoffish manner.
Clearly, it was her way of protecting herself, and it made sense.
Was that why she seemingly hid her sexuality?
“I can hear your brain whirring,” Nell murmured, eyes still closed.
“Sorry.” Mattie laughed softly and covered Nell’s ear with her hand. “Is that better?”
Nell reached for Mattie’s hand and kissed her knuckles. “What are you thinking?”
“Many, many things. How fucking awesome you are, for starters.”
“Charmer.” Nell opened her eyes. “Come on, out with it.”
Mattie hesitated, aware that Nell might find her questions intrusive. “I don’t want to ruin the mood.”
“Ask away.” Nell shuffled on the pillows. “I retain the right to say no comment.”
Mattie squeezed Nell’s hand gently. “I’m not judging you or telling you how you should behave, but I’m intrigued as to why you hide your sexuality.”
“I don’t hide it from myself.” Nell threw her a guarded look. “I’m...private about it.”
“Yet you don’t live it.”
“That’s a vast assumption on your part.”
Mattie heard the defensiveness in Nell’s tone but refused to be derailed. Asking awkward questions was her forte. “Is it? You spend a lot of time with Angie, and I’m pretty sure it’s not something you’ve shared with her.”
Nell rolled onto her back, seemingly debating whether to answer.
“You’re right, I haven’t told Angie. She’s an intuitive woman, and she’s lived through Rosie figuring out her sexuality, so she might’ve guessed.
” Nell stared at the ceiling as she spoke.
“I met Beth in my first year at university. We were roommates, as innocent as each other, and exploring our somewhat unexpected attraction to each other was our special secret. I wasn’t really sure what my sexuality was, and then I met Gavin and fell back into the closet, not that I properly ventured out of it.
Beth and I ended up marrying men, although Beth’s ability to find a good one was far superior to mine. ”
Mattie heard the catch in Nell’s breath and waited for her to continue.
“My parents would be appalled if I told them I’m attracted to women.
My sister might be more understanding, but I can’t face rocking the boat.
To be fair, there hasn’t been anyone worth rocking the boat for.
” Nell sighed. “It’s enough that I walk into a room and automatically get labelled as the police officer.
Apparently, I’m never off-duty. ‘Ooh, don’t do anything dodgy around her, she’ll nick you.
’ That sort of thing. I don’t like standing out.
I could do without adding a lesbian or queer label too. ”
“I hear you. It helps that you’re feminine-presenting. I walk into a room and everyone sees tomboy, close to bordering on butch.” Mattie grimaced. “Now I’m that reporter who nearly burned to death on live TV.”
Nell rolled back on her side and reached for Mattie. “The reporter who saved the life of a colleague by dragging him from a burning building despite being terribly injured herself.”
“Semantics.”
“Viewpoint.” Nell tsked. “You were incredibly brave.”
“No, I wasn’t, and it really pisses me off when people say that.” Mattie huffed. “I never felt brave, not then or since. I was scared shitless, unable to think beyond knowing I couldn’t bear to leave Jon behind. That wasn’t bravery. That was just being human.”
Nell moved closer to her. “I didn’t mean to offend or upset you.”
Mattie fought the urge to push Nell away.
“It’s fine. I just get fed up with it all.
It’s hard to move on when it’s the one thing people remember about you.
” She sighed. “It’s going to get worse again.
” At Nell’s questioning look, she added, “Jon’s injuries were life-altering, and he was forced to take early retirement on medical grounds.
He’s written a book about it all. It’s being published next month. ”
“You don’t sound ecstatic about it,” Nell said.
“It’s great that, for Jon, writing about it has been a way for him to come to terms with what happened, but it’s not going to help me forget.” Mattie frowned. How had this discussion suddenly become about her? She rolled Nell over and straddled her thighs. “Enough talking. I want more of you.”
In silent answer, Nell pulled her down for a kiss, and Mattie let herself drown in it.
This was what a fling was about: fucking good sex.
Tomorrow night would be their last one together, and she wanted to make the most of the limited time they had left.
Guessing by Nell’s fevered response, so did she.