Chapter 28
It’d been five days since the trip to Bath, and Mattie couldn’t wait to get home and video call with Nell.
There was so much news to share. She pulled her scarf higher to ward off the frigid evening air, as she joined the stream of people on the bridge across the Thames.
What sort of looks would she attract if she gave in to her inner child, and skipped and whooped instead of walking sedately?
She grinned to herself as she imagined it.
Halfway across the bridge, Mattie stopped and gazed out at the unique view of St Paul’s Cathedral and the city.
She did that every time now, imagining Nell was standing next to her, just as she’d done that night, when they’d admitted to wanting more than a no-strings fling.
The same night as Jon’s book launch. No.
The memories didn’t belong in the same basket.
She needed to savour the night with Nell and delete the others.
She shook her head, as though the physical movement could force a mental one.
Then she took a photo on her mobile of the vista.
It could be her screensaver, something to enjoy looking at when she was in Europe.
European correspondent. Her new posting.
Walking across this bridge was no longer going to be a regular part of her commute to work.
There’d be other bridges and other rivers, for sure.
The Seine, the Danube, the Rhine, the Volga.
The names tripped off her tongue, and the thought of seeing them all was giddying. Had Nell visited any of those places?
A sharp wind swept off the Thames. Mattie shivered and pulled her beanie down to cover her ears.
If she hurried home, she could have a quick shower and throw a pre-made lasagne into the microwave before her video call with Nell.
They’d only shared texts since Bath. Nell knew about the review meeting with her boss and had sent Mattie a fingers-crossed emoji alongside a red heart.
A little while later, Mattie tucked her legs underneath her as she got comfy on the sofa at the start of their call. “Hi, sweetheart. How are you?”
“Very well, thank you.” Nell laughed. “You’re bouncing around like Tigger. I presume the review with your boss went well?”
“It did. But we can talk about your day first.”
Nell shrugged. “There’s not much to say, unless you’re interested in a detailed analysis of the temporary traffic management plans required for the gas mains replacement works in town next month?”
She laughed. “Sounds...thrilling.”
“Told you so.” Nell leaned back on the breakfast stool. “So spill.”
Mattie saw her own manic grin on screen but couldn’t dial down her excitement. “My boss offered me a new posting. European correspondent.”
“Wow.” Nell’s eyes widened in obvious surprise. “Did you know that was on the cards?”
“Not at all.”
“I’m presuming you accepted?”
“Hell, yeah!” Was there even any debate?
She was about to say so, when she logged Nell’s impassive expression.
Shit. Did Nell think they should’ve talked it through first?
It hadn’t even occurred to her. “It’s a roving role, responding to events across Europe, but I’ll still be based primarily in London.
” For the first six months, anyway. Better to keep that to herself for now, until she had a clearer idea how things might play out.
Nell smiled at last. “It sounds very exciting.”
“It won’t change anything between us.” Mattie sat forward earnestly. “We’ll just have more exciting places to visit. Strasbourg instead of Swindon. Rome instead of Reading.”
“Paris instead of Plymouth. Florence instead of...” Nell laughed, a British town beginning with F clearly eluding her.
“Folkestone. Felixstowe. Falkirk.”
“Any of those will do.” Nell fidgeted on her stool and then, seemingly unable to get comfortable, picked up her laptop and took it to the dining table. “You’ll be clocking up the air miles for sure. When does all of this start?”
“Next week. I’m flying to Strasbourg on Monday to connect with some colleagues based there.”
Nell’s mouth fell open. “That soon?”
“I’ll need to do a lot of prep work. Meet people, make new contacts, and so on.
” Enthusiasm was causing her to speak far too quickly, but it didn’t matter.
She wasn’t on TV right now. She was sharing her best news in a long time with a glorious woman.
The fantastic weekend they’d shared in Bath had been just the tonic she’d needed.
“Will your lungs be okay with the regular flying?” asked Nell.
“The lungs specialist has given me the okay,” Mattie said.
“I’ve been warned I might feel residual pain due to the lower air pressure in airplane cabins, but my journeys will be short-haul rather than long, so I don’t have to spend more than a handful of hours in the air.
” She smiled and nodded when she saw the caution in Nell’s expression.
“I’ll be careful.” But if her lungs couldn’t cope, the new job would be blown out of the water.
She needed to be fully fit, in mind and body.
And her mind was fine, despite Shona’s mutterings.
She rubbed her sternum, realising she’d eaten that lasagne too quickly.
“So our next date at the end of the month,” Nell said hesitantly. “Is that still on?”
Mattie sucked on her lower lip in the way she knew turned Nell on. “Oh, yes.”
Nell drew in a slow breath. “I can’t wait.”
Mattie made sure to focus on Nell for the rest of their call, asking for an update on her fundraising venture for the domestic violence charity and offering details on a contact she had with an investment bank that ran outreach programmes.
Afterwards, she made a mental list of what needing doing before she took up her new post. Rosie’s visit to shadow her would have to be postponed for now, but she could still mentor her virtually.
Lunch with Simon, who was passing through London on his way to a union conference, would have to be cancelled.
And then there was Shona. Mattie clenched her jaw.
They hadn’t texted or spoken in two weeks, not since their blowout when Mattie had abandoned her in a coffee shop.
No way could she make all these changes in her life without telling Shona.
It was time to smooth things over. Maybe offer her the theatre ticket that Mattie now wouldn’t be in London to use. No, Shona would want to talk.
Shona did indeed have a lot to say. A lot.
At first, she hadn’t responded to Mattie’s heartfelt apology, which was unexpected.
Shona had toasted cheese and ham paninis, and they’d chatted about random stuff, although not with their usual ease.
At times, the only sounds were of them eating and Capital FM playing in the background.
Mattie stacked her dirty dinner plate in the dishwasher.
“Don’t put that there. It’ll never get clean,” said Shona.
Mattie rolled her eyes. They had this conversation every time. “Control freak,” she said, but her teasing didn’t land.
Crockery clattered as Shona finished the job to her satisfaction and switched the dishwasher on.
Then she fixed Mattie with a steely glare that probably scared the shit out of the junior doctors in her team.
“I’ll only accept your apology for flouncing out like a spoiled brat if you listen to what I have to say.
Take my advice or don’t, but do me the fucking courtesy of listening. ”
Embarrassed, Mattie picked up an oversized egg cup for something to fiddle with. Her gaze dropped to Juno, who chose that moment to stretch her spine and meow loudly.
Shona stabbed her finger at Mattie. “Listen to me, otherwise I’ll never let you cuddle Juno ever again.”
“No Juno? Bloody hell.” Mattie went along with Shona’s welcome attempt to lighten the tension. The last time they’d had a proper falling-out was in their university days. “I’m all ears.”
Shona leaned back against the kitchen island. “Shortcuts, that’s your problem.”
“Huh?”
“Shortcuts.” Shona’s fierce gaze didn’t waver. “You’ve always taken them. And I don’t just mean when you’re driving. If you can get away with it, then you will. Like sleep. Why have seven hours when you can get away with four?”
That wasn’t fair. She opened her mouth to say that she didn’t need hours and hours of sleep like some people, but Shona held her hand up in an unspoken warning not to interrupt.
“You’ve been pushing yourself too hard and not allowing for the fact that you’re older, and it takes longer to heal,” said Shona. “Your body isn’t as strong and resilient as it was ten years ago, even five. Especially after the trauma it underwent.”
Mattie crossed her arms and huffed. She had plenty of stamina, thank you very much. “I take a break every few months.”
“Two days is not a break. It’s a weekend.”
“I went to Devon.”
Shona scoffed. “And spent half of it working!”
“Not my fault.” Mattie winced, aware she sounded like a petulant child. “I did the counselling sessions after Kenya. I do physio, and I look after my mental health.”
“Do you? Do you truly embrace it? Or do you just do it when someone reminds you? How about you try the long way around for once? Get some professional help. See a counsellor or psychologist. No shortcuts.” Shona placed her hand on Mattie’s shoulder and squeezed gently.
“I care about you. We all do. And we don’t like seeing you like this. ”
Mattie glared at Shona. “If you care so much, then how about you stay out of my business?”
Shona matched her glare and shook her head. “That isn’t something I can do.”
“Sure you can. Just walk away.”
Shona slapped the breakfast bar. “You do my head in, Mattie.”
Her vehemence caught Mattie by surprise. She swallowed the urge to crack a joke and negate the horrid tension lodged between them again. “I love you too,” she said quietly.
Shona huffed, long and loud. Then she threw her hands up in the air. “I’ve said my piece.” She took two mugs from a cupboard and set to making instant coffee for them both. “Tell me about the new job. No, wait, you saw Nell last weekend, didn’t you? How did that go?”
At last, solid ground. “Wonderful.”
“What does she think of your new job?”
“Nell understands. We’re peas in the same pod, both of us put our careers first.” Mattie perched on a stool and leaned on the kitchen island. “We’re still planning to see each other whenever we can.”
“I’m glad to see you haven’t launched into typical Mattie sabotage mode already.” Shona took the milk out of the fridge. “I like Nell a lot. There’s a maturity and substance to her. You’re a good fit.”
Mattie’s heart did a little skip as she remembered Nell saying the exact same thing. “Yes, we are.”
“You look bashful.” Shona smirked. “If this was anyone but you, I’d accuse you of having fallen in love.”
Mattie choked a laugh. “However, this is me, so you can drop that kind of talk.”
Shona tipped her head to the side.
“Don’t give me that knowing look. I’m just riding a wave, because everything’s new and exciting.
” And feeling overwhelmed, because Nell was in her thoughts most of the time.
Even at work, she found herself wondering what Nell was doing in that moment, if she was happy and safe, or Mattie would be storing away a little moment to share with her later.
And she was feeling a little scared. What happened when the honeymoon phase was over? Because nothing lasted forever.
“Oh, Mattie.” Shona sighed, but it was full of affection rather than irritation now. “I know what you’re thinking.”
Mattie tilted her chin. “Yeah?”
“Nothing lasts forever.”
Damn. Shona so had her number.
“You’re right too. That initial giddy-lust-love-I-can’t-get-enough-of-you stuff evolves into something deeper. An emotional connection with a woman you adore, and trust, and couldn’t imagine living without.” Shona handed her the mug of coffee. “Be brave. Give it a try.”
Could she? Maybe. But work would always come first. “Have you finished playing agony aunt for the day?”
Shona’s lips twitched. “For now.” She raised her mug. “Here’s to the new job.”
Mattie raised her own mug in response. New people, new places, a new adventure. And she couldn’t wait to start.