Chapter 38 #2
Her fingers trembled as she pulled the straps away and dropped the bra on the bed next to her. Then she carefully swivelled around so that she was facing the opposite direction, giving Nell an unobstructed view of the scars on her back and shoulders.
“Ugly, right?”
Nell knew Mattie would see sugar-coating the truth for what it was. Nor would she appreciate it. “They’re...not pretty.”
“Told you.”
“But they’re also pretty incredible in their own way. Your body has found a way of physically healing.” Nell hesitated. “Can I touch them?”
Mattie’s head whipped around. “Why would you want to do that?”
Nell held her gaze. “They speak of who you are. Brave. Courageous. Full of heart.” She waited until Mattie nodded her assent. Then she brushed her lips across the bare skin of Mattie’s neck until she reached the scars. She kissed each one lightly.
Mattie arched her back but didn’t jerk away. Nell took that as a positive sign and continued, slow and unhurried.
“Nell?”
“Mm?”
“Don’t stop,” Mattie murmured. Nell moaned, her sharp breathing loud in her own ears. She slipped her own top and bra off, then wrapped her arms around Mattie’s waist and pulled her closer so that Mattie’s bare back rested against her breasts.
Mattie made puffs of delight as Nell explored the contours of her stomach, before moving upwards to her breasts. “That feels good.”
“Face me so I can feel your breasts against mine,” Nell whispered.
Carefully, Mattie turned around and edged closer to Nell. When their bodies finally came together, Nell moaned at the sensation of nipple against nipple. Seeing them touch, feeling them touch, was a level of eroticism she’d never experienced.
“I’ve lost the power of speech,” Mattie murmured.
Nell laughed softly. “That’s a first.”
The gentle rush of air from Mattie’s laugh tickled Nell’s hypersensitive skin, and she smiled as she ran her hands up and down Mattie’s back.
She didn’t linger specifically on the scars, but she didn’t avoid them either.
The simple freedom of being able to caress her without any physical barrier was sublime.
“I’ve missed these freckles,” said Mattie, dropping brief kisses on her chest.
“They’ve missed you.” Nell tugged at the elasticated waistband of the joggers. “These need to come off.”
Then they were naked, and Nell flushed because Mattie looked at her in a way that made her forget how to breathe. “You make me feel so wanted and attractive.”
“You’re both of those things and more.” Mattie stretched along the length of her. “Making love is so much easier without my shirt flapping around the whole time.”
Nell hummed her agreement. Heat pooled in her core as Mattie trailed her hands lower. She hooked her thigh over Mattie’s hip and sighed deeply as she was reminded what a good fit they were.
Mattie’s lips and tongue followed the same course as her hands, kissing, licking, and sucking. “You are delectable.”
Waves of pleasure built leisurely, higher and stronger, until Nell couldn’t hold back any longer. She toppled over the edge and into a pool of bliss.
Afterwards, when they were both breathless and sated, Nell leaned back against the pillow so they were side by side. In that moment, she felt so safe and loved, the fear and weight of years had been lifted from her. “Just being here with you means everything.”
Mattie ran the backs of her fingers along Nell’s collarbone. “Where do we go from here?”
Nell smoothed the soft skin of Mattie’s shoulder.
“I know how ticklish the skin at the nape of your neck is, but I don’t know how you’d like me to respond when you’ve had a rubbish day at work.
Or when you’re ill, do you like your hair to be stroked or would you rather be left alone?
So we learn how to become an us, which means doing the small stuff as well as making big decisions together.
We’re not used to that, but we’re smart, intelligent women. We can learn, right?”
“Go all in?” asked Mattie.
“All in.” Nell had a mental image of standing at the edge of a swimming pool, desperate to swim but knowing the water would be cold until she got warmed up. She blinked. Time to take the plunge. “About the interviews.”
Mattie growled against her shoulder. “No work talk now. This is us time.”
Nell lay on her side so she could see all of Mattie’s face. “This is about us. Well, me. But you too.” Now it was her turn to growl. “You wouldn’t believe I’ve practised saying this, would you?”
“I’m listening,” she said softly and stroked Nell’s hip.
“The other domestic abuse survivor who wanted to tell you her story?” Nell puffed out a breath. “It’s me.”
Mattie’s hand stilled.
“For so long, I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I allowed him to do what he did, and it’s taken forever for me to accept that it’s not as simple as that.
I need to voice that. I’m a relatively high-ranking police officer, so it might be that you’ll have to do a voice-over and not show my face, but I’ll know it’s me, and that’s enough.
” Her words fell out in a rush, but now they were out in the world, and there was no way she wanted them back.
“It’s as close to healed as I’ll ever be. I know I can trust you.”
“And you call me brave?” Mattie’s hand slid up to Nell’s face. Her thumb stroked her cheekbone, and Nell leaned into the touch. “I’d be honoured to interview you.”
The kiss they shared was soft and slow. “I feel like we’ve come full circle, our jobs and past stories colliding,” said Nell. Her smile fell away at Mattie’s anxious expression.
“There’s something else I need to confess to,” said Mattie.
Nell’s heart thumped uncomfortably. “What is it?”
“Another job decision I made without including you.” She eased away from their embrace and sat up.
“The European posting isn’t a good fit for me, not now.
I need to focus on my mental well-being, and that means regular therapy sessions and living at home.
I’ve got a meeting with my boss on Monday to discuss next moves. ”
Nell sat up too, uncaring that the duvet fell to her hips. “What will you do?”
“I’m yearning for something different. The thrill of rushing off at the drop of a hat to chase a story isn’t there anymore.
I want a lifestyle that’s equally as enriching but more stable.
More time for family and friends and love.
” Mattie smiled, her eyes dropping to Nell’s exposed chest. “I’ve got a few ideas. We can talk them through together.”
Nell held her arms out. “Come here.”
Mattie snuggled into the crook of Nell’s shoulder. “London is a very long commute from here, so I was thinking that I could rent a flat nearby and divide my time between here and the capital.”
“You could, although there’s not much point seeing as you’d be sleeping here every night.”
“I would, would I?” Mattie grinned. “What about my on-going laundry crisis?”
“You won’t be needing clothes.”
Mattie laughed. “Where’s the strict and slightly uptight woman I met last summer?”
“Oh, I can be strict.”
Mattie snorted. “Seriously though, we don’t need to make any concrete decisions right now. We can discover what works for us.”
Nell snuggled closer. “Us.” She savoured the feel of the word on her tongue. “Sounds perfect.”