Onidus 4 #2
“Fuck. Finally.” I roll onto my side and drop my Mask casting. Ulian and Ryz drop theirs too. We are a burnt, disheveled mess, the three of us.
“You really did scare me for a second there,” Ulian admits.
I laugh. “Can’t get rid of me that easily.” Why did you keep me around?
“Wars don’t fight themselves.” Rhyz sighs. Don’t leave us here without you. I can’t take another team change after the last one. That shadow of death was strong this time, wasn’t it?
“Almost got me.” I wish it had. I’d love to go out with Solara’s image in my eye. If I can’t have the stars, her light would’ve made me happy.
“We really need a damn medic, someone who can fix us when we’re all…”
Ulian’s legs give out, and he crashes into another bed. I get up to help, get tangled in my hoses, and manage to free only my previously dislocated arm to catch him.
Ryz staggers in and grabs Ulian’s other side. Together, the three of us get Ulian propped up on a bed. Ryz slumps beside him. “We’re a fucking mess.”
ION Striker alerts me that he’s following Aegeris home, and the Nebulous threat has been neutralized. The queen and other Roscazkan are onboard. We will have to find them a new home in the days to come.
Ulian trembles as he braces himself on the bed. “Nollis’ crew… They were all ash.”
Ryz reaches an arm around Ulian’s back and grips him by the shoulder, steadying him. He looks over at me. “I saw.”
He knows the power I wielded, the reckless, last-resort firestorm. Ryz is bruised and sliced up from Myndrous blades. The chest of his armor is cracked, and there’s still a broken shard of metal protruding from his shoulder. “We need light duty while we heal.”
“There aren’t enough of us,” Ulian replies.
“There will be even fewer if we work ourselves to death.” Ryz is right. And I suddenly feel selfish for wanting this to be over.
A call comes over my wristband from General Viriden. I put it on speaker. “Sir, Smoldren listening.”
“Just what I wanted.” Viriden pauses for an uncharacteristically long time. “I know you’re all in bad shape. Azrim just called.”
“We’re fine, sir,” Ryz replies. “Where do you need us?”
“Report back to Lumen Command. After you heal, I have new missions for all of you. Details will load on your wristbands.”
“We’re not going together?” I ask.
“You are, in a way, on the same mission, but it requires independent operations.”
“Understood.” Ryz helps Ulian lie back on the medical bed.
The com channel closes. Seconds later, Viriden calls again. I answer with a tap and see the tag listed as Private, so I switch to my earcom with a telepathic link.
Sir?
“Onidus…” His tone is gentler now, quiet. I glance at Ryz and Ulian to see them talking like they haven’t heard him.
What can I do for you?
“I am sending you to the Alien Bride Race.”
Again?
“As a participant.”
I thought you said I had a mission. I can’t be mixing up my priorities. Which is it?
“I have a contact on Earth. He’s an old military friend from back when I served on the humans’ world.
He alerted me to a vulnerability in the race, and that having someone on the inside might help.
Ulian does not want a mate. Ryz filed but put his request on hold.
You have no answer on file as to whether or not you want a family of your own. ”
What I want and what I believe is right are in conflict.
“You’re afraid of leaving her like your parents did.”
We fight, and we die. Civilians can make more of us.
“You come from a long line of Smoldren, Onidus.”
Are you trying to convince me that I need a mate or to go because of this mission?
“There is someone important there, someone you’ll know when you see them. They need your protection. Only you will know who it is.”
Can’t you tell me their name?
“No. I want you alert and watching everyone. So I won’t confirm the identity. It will only get you into trouble. I have faith in your Aural Discernment skills. Just play the games and keep the peace. After some rest and time to heal.”
Yes, sir.
He disconnects us.
The Alien Bride Race was never somewhere I thought I’d go again, definitely not as a participant, even if I am not really going to find a mate. I don’t want one anymore. No female should have to endure this life with me.
I take my nebulizer mask off and place it over Ulian’s face. He’s pushed himself too hard again. “Did you two get your assignments?”
Ryz shakes his head. “Nothing yet.”
“I got mine.”
“Don’t like it?” Ulian mumbles before deeply inhaling the fog.
I shake my head. “I’m the last person that should go.” My soul is cold and dark. Guard missions feel too intimate now. I did fine with Tessi, but this is less straightforward. Too open-ended.
Bracing Ryz’s shoulder, I count down. He takes a deep breath, and I free the metal lodged in it. I settle a hand over his wound and bring up in my mind the visual of his flesh stitching back together. Heat swells under my hand.
Ryz groans. “This is why you’re the boss. You can do anything.”
Except find peace.
He glances at me as Ulian drifts off to sleep. This is as close as I ever get. I’m tired, brother.
I pat him on the back. I know. After this mission, I’m going to put in for us to get a Traquil phase: three months, no missions.
Ryz hangs his head back. Thank the stars.
I doubt it will be enough to pull me out of my hole, but maybe the silence will fade some of the noise of recent battles. If not, I may have to step down from duty. I almost died today. In the moment, I was fine with it, relieved actually. But now I am reminded of who I’d be leaving behind.
I have to try because I am their leader. But being the most skilled and the one who is most likely to fend off the enemy gets pretty fucking stressful when I don’t have all the answers, when I am the one lying on the ground, fearing the worst for my team and all those I am bound to protect.
I just hope the Alien Bride Race doesn’t add more responsibilities than I can manage. I am barely hanging on. But the idea that I might find someone makes my heart beat faster. My team might know most of me, but not all of me, not what happened when I was younger, when I was stuck on Delsfein.
The memories of that brutal battle rush in every time I think about that world.
I want to talk with someone, pour out this chaos, this helplessness I feel, the savagery I witnessed that makes me want to claw my own skin off because it would hurt less than this crack that punches through my core when I remember the Nebulous first arriving there.
I don’t want this life. I never did. My skills landed me here. But I’m uncertain if I’ve ended more pain than I’ve caused.
I don’t want to be alone forever. I want a connection to someone who isn’t at constant risk of dying like my team, someone who wants to build life, grow things, instead of this constant annihilation.
But maybe I’m just dreaming.