Solara 19
I follow Onidus into the bedroom. The door closes behind us.
Onidus stops and frowns. “ION…”
“What? You are entering the bedroom with a pretty female that makes your Vibrance blinding. I know what kinds of things Bonds do in private.”
So he wants me more than he lets on?
Onidus’ shoulders slump.
ION hesitates. “I wasn’t supposed to make that observation, was I?”
“Doesn’t matter. She wants to be one of us. That means sacrificing things. I knew when I accepted back when I was barely a teen.”
“Before we met,” I offer. “So I have always known what comes first.”
“I see,” ION replies. “I also see blinding Vibrance, sir. Without caving to that, there will be no future generations to fight.”
Onidus glances at a scanner in the ceiling. “ION, can we have privacy, please?”
“Oh, yes! Okay! Sorry!”
The light blinks from gold to blue.
Onidus slumps down on the bed.
I sit beside him. “So you burn hotter for me, huh?”
He steals a glance at me before opening the dessert box. “I still wonder if it isn’t because of what we went through. That number of fractal shield disbursals might have affected our chemistry in some way. Or the food of that world.”
“Or the interdimensional prayers of the Delsfein. Maybe the medicine we got upon arrival. Or simply something in the water.” I pick up a caramel chunk brownie and take a bite. “There are a lot of things.”
He takes off his chest plate and cloak and sets them aside. “About the maze…”
I can tell by his tone that he regrets his actions. “Didn’t expect the powder to be so powerful.”
“Yeah. I didn’t mean to lose my head. I don’t want to force you into anything, but that shit…”
“I didn’t mind.”
Onidus still keeps his good side to me. And every time I try to look at him straight, he turns away.
So I say it again. “I didn’t mind.”
He hangs his head, repositions a gauntlet, and steals a slice of cheesecake with his bare hand. “You don’t think I’m…ugly?”
“No.” I laugh softly. “But eating cheesecake like it’s pizza definitely makes you a monster.”
He looks down at the piece he’s just taken a bite out of. “Am I not supposed to eat it like this?”
“With a fork on a plate.” I motion to the two paper plates and forks in the box. “But it’s too late now.”
He hides his mouth behind his other hand. “Sorry.”
“I just wish I could’ve gotten another one of those banana pops.”
Onidus’ face deepens to a darker gold hue. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
I lick the caramel from my lip as I visually trace the shapes of his mouth. “Definitely.”
“Because enlisting means this kind of thing doesn’t happen unless you’re on a mission.”
“Guess we’ll have to go on a lot of missions.”
“Yeah. It becomes life.”
He’s not getting it. He’s talking about work. I’m thinking about his body pressed to mine and the feral desire that was in his eyes as he captured me and let me kiss him the way I really wanted to.
Onidus keeps talking about how disconnected he feels, how much he doesn’t know how to socialize or interact with others because his life has been about taking orders and only thinking for himself when he was mid-battle.
He doesn’t notice me shifting closer, moving the dessert platter out of my way, or staring up at him, longing for just one more taste of the closest thing I’ve ever known to paradise.
Onidus lifts a hand and tells me about the few parties he’s been to as a soldier. “I missed Tessi’s baby shower because we had another mission. I miss all the important events.”
“What you do makes it possible for those important events to happen.”
Onidus rubs his thighs like he’s nervous. “For others. But when do I get to know that same? Do I ever? I don’t know.”
“Hey.”
He hesitantly looks down at me. There’s fear and confusion in his eyes.
“You’re not really telling me what’s actually on your mind. What are you worried about?”
He takes my hand in his. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
You? “Yes. I want to help. I want to stay with you and your people. I want my father’s life and to honor him and his work.”
He braces the back of my hand and lifts it between us. “Think of the thing you want most. We need to see if your soul is going to clear the Aural Discerners.”
My hand heats. Warmth spreads through my palm and gathers at the surface. I think of what I want most in life and watch as the light coalesces into a cloud of tiny orbs that forms a scene of Onidus and me doing what we once did for the Delsfein.
He sighs and closes my hand. “I can’t guarantee that we’ll be on the same squad.”
“Ulian said you need a medic. I am qualified to do first aid on Isonians.”
“That is not enough, Solara. You’ll need more training. They may assign you elsewhere.”
“Won’t I at least see you in passing?”
“Now and then. But you can get a mask, change your appearance with a basic Masking spell, and never have to hear from your family again. You’ll have to cut all ties and become one of us.”
“Is that even possible?”
“Though a rather painful process. But yes.” Onidus inhales deeply and tenses.
“Ignesium is what we use to heal near-dark soldiers if they make it back to Voiant. It has been used to empower humanoid species who pass the initial evals and are accepted by Lumen Command. If you want to join the force, you’ll need a Vibrance signature.
You’ll have to go before the Augurs to be officially inducted and then trained in your skill set.
So you’ll be leaving Earth behind. Renouncing your citizenship, your family, any ties you have here. ”
“I never wanted to come back.”
Onidus grazes the back of a finger down my jaw.
“We have nice ships you could stay on where you could have a room as you do on Earth with a bed and a sofa, a kitchen, and even a fireplace. It doesn’t burn the way it does on a planet.
It’s the ship’s Vibrance. But you could still do aid missions after we go in and make it safer for you. ”
He’s sweet, wanting to protect me. I lean closer and sweep my lips over his. “As what, your mate?”
He pants a breath. Onidus props himself up with a hand and weaves his fingers into mine. “That is what it would require, since you’re not a diplomat or arriving for a mission. Then you wouldn’t have to go through Ignesium.”
The fact he’s trying to spare me from pain makes me love him more. “What if I want to be on the front lines like my father?”
He looks away. “Solara…”
“What is it, really?”
His fingers glide over my skin like he’s trying to memorize the texture. “I don’t want you out there. You are the only thing that tethers me to life. And if I lose you, the emptiness is going to consume me. Have you seen a star die?”
“Are we talking supernova or collapsing into a black hole?”
“Either can be devastating.”
“You don’t know?”
“If my body is fine, but my soul is not, then it will take whichever form most closely represents the soulfire at the time. Some days I feel utterly hollow. Other days, rage takes me. Good soldiers and innocents keep dying. And the enemy keeps advancing. I am…unpredictable.”
“Sounds like fun.”
Onidus doesn’t seem pleased with my answer as he leans away from me.
“I don’t want to be sheltered. I want to help change this. I want to fix this so you don’t have to feel like that.”
“Solara.” Onidus looks back at me. “One person is not nearly enough. We need new armies. We need to bring all the fringe worlds up to fighting capabilities so we have a chance of not dying off before the Nebs consume this system and move on to the next.”
“Then we get new species trained and onboard.”
I can see it now, the hopelessness in his eyes. It isn’t confusion and fear. He expects to lose me if I join. “Life is short. That’s why we have to enjoy it as much as we can until it’s taken from us.”
Onidus looks up at me.
I can’t stand being apart from him any longer and crane up and kiss him.
His brows quirk like he’s not sure what to make of such a gesture, even though I’m the one who kissed him first in the maze. I don’t know why he doesn’t believe I can love him. He still hasn’t come out of his shell.
“How about we get you out of this formal stuff and into something more comfortable?” I ask, reaching for the buckles at his sides. Onidus breathlessly watches me like he doesn’t understand.
I remove his armored top, kiss his neck, and slide my hands up under his shirt.
He grabs my wrists and closes his eyes.
“I’ve already seen you. And you’ve seen me. You don’t have to fear judgment from me.”
“I’m just not used to it. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
I grin as I peel his shirt over his head. “Just take it.”
His mouth moves like he can’t decide what to ask. “Take…what?”
He’s clearly way out of his comfort zone. “I’ll go slow.” I straddle his thighs, kiss him, and guide him back on the bed. “Can’t have you going into battle without knowing how good life can feel.”
I pick up a cup of chocolate syrup, pop the lid, and drizzle it over his hard body. Onidus flinches. “Solara, you’re making a mess!”
“Don’t worry. I’ll clean it up.” Setting the cup aside, I pick the line closest to his belt, lower myself, and settle my tongue against his skin.
Onidus goes rigid. His hands grip my knees. His breaths come quickly.
I take my sweet time, dragging my tongue up his abs, licking up the chocolate. I lick him clean, up and over each mound of his pecs, ensuring I tease him with the occasional nibble.
Onidus sucks air in through his teeth. His panting tells me I’m headed in the right direction.
When he’s damp from my tongue and free of chocolate, I lean up and kiss him as I unbuckle his pants. His cock strains at his underwear; he’s so worked up.
Freeing him with a hand, I nip at his neck and ease lower.
Onidus lifts his hands as I glide my tongue over his tip. “Ffffuck.”
If anyone deserves to feel good, it’s the one who constantly puts his body through hell so we can eat cake and dance like drunken idiots without a care in the world.
I take him deep, swirl my tongue over his glowing shaft and glide it up.
“Oh, shit…” Onidus groans. A quiver runs through him. His skin lights up.
I smile to myself as I take him again, bracing the stout base of his girth with my hands. Onidus’ cock pulses with light and heat.
His hands tighten around my knees. “Uh, Solara?”
Onidus rasps a grunt.
His seed is hot and tingles as it spills over my tongue like a shot of hard alcohol with smoky notes. I drink him down. He warily braces my head as he pumps into me again, straining to quiet his gasps and grunts of pleasure.
When his body finally calms, I lick him clean, kiss his abs, then sit up and steal a glance at him. He’s staring at me with an expression that makes me wonder what the problem is.
He laughs nervously. “I didn’t know it would make you glow.”
I look down at myself. “I don’t see anything.”
“It’s mostly your face.” He tucks a hand behind his head and studies me.
Crawling over him, I lay myself down on his bare chest and trace a deep scar over his heart. “So what keeps you going out there, when everything feels like it’s falling apart, and you’re in bad shape?”
He braces me to him, kisses my forehead, then buries his nose in my hair. “The ones who look to us for hope, for an escape from their hell, for survival.
“But sometimes, I would think of you, wonder where you were, what you were doing, if you were smiling and happy and free like I always hoped you’d be.”
“I was until Viriden took me back to Earth.”
“Sir?” ION calls out.
Onidus hurriedly tucks himself back into his pants and buckles his belt. “Go ahead.”
“I found a correlation.”
“Between Delsfein activity and Neb portal activity?”
“No. Between Delsfein Vibrance pings and Ksion portal activity. I think they’re trying to send us a message, maybe reach out for help.”
“Put what you found on the main display.” Onidus sits up, throws on his shirt, and guides me out of the room. “Okay ION, show us what you’ve got.”