Chapter 13
Jazmine Allen
S leeping has become easier as the days pass, but the party and its aftermath are on repeat in my mind.
I only told Sofia and Athena the real reason my panic attack started. Theodore asked but he didn’t push any further. Judging by the look in his eyes, he would have broken the guy’s jaw.
I have banished the random guy to the back of my brain in hopes to forget it ever happened, while Theodore Knight remains front and centre.
His Lakewood Devils sweatshirt is hanging over the back of my chair, begging to be worn. I’ve considered wearing it again but the last thing I want is to give him the satisfaction of seeing me in it. Especially after his comments before he left my place three days ago.
I should return it, shouldn’t I?
“Argh,” I groan into my hands, covering my face with them.
This is ridiculous. Theodore has been nice for ten minutes and my touch deprived body wants to climb him like a tree. Go fucking figure, that’s not happening. Ever.
Jayden hasn’t stopped messaging me over the weekend after Theodore told him what happened. It’s extremely annoying, although I am thankful for both Jay and Theodore, they are becoming borderline annoying.
It’s even worse in Knight’s case, as I am running out of reasons to dislike him. And if I stop holding a grudge against him, there is no telling what my traitorous heart might do. I promised myself junior year would be about me healing from anxiety and insomnia while earning an internship with my dream company.
Nothing will stop me, not even an attractive boy.
I reply to Jayden, reassuring him for the one-hundredth time that I am fine .
My oversized shirt falls past my hips, while my black leggings hug my figure to highlight my curves. Slinging my tote bag over my shoulder, I leave for campus. Mondays are my busiest day with one class in the morning and work in the afternoon .
‘Psychology of Physical Activity’ is the class I have today and it's stirring every anxious feeling in my bones. Professor Hart is assigning our project partners leaving us with no say in the matter. I spent my weekend reading over the email he sent us with the guidelines and areas we can focus on for research and subsequently, the thesis paper.
According to Dr Gray, I have control issues. As in, I hate when I can’t control the outcome and people try to offer me help. Probably not ideal since this project is with a partner. But I’m persuasive when I need to be so, I should be able to get my partner to agree with my idea.
Plus, this class is a common elective for people who major in sports-related fields since the psychology component isn’t as content-heavy as usual. So, other students will hopefully let me take the reins as this is my area of expertise.
My mind wanders back as I approach the entrance of the lecture theatre. I run my gaze over the room, focusing on the back rows of seats. My face scrunches, annoyance carved into my features. Theodore Knight is sitting next to my unassigned seat, smiling and laughing without a care in the world. I clench my fists, cracking my knuckles one by one.
It’s as if golden rays shine and reflect off him, infecting anyone that comes close to him. I hate it. All I want to do is scowl at him, pushing down any sort of attraction that has bubbled to the surface over the years.
My body melts into the chair, while my tote bag sits in front of me. A shiver shoots up my spine, goosebumps running along my arms. My attention turns to Theodore, whose eyes are drinking in my body. I ignore the desire building in my core.
“Can I help you, Theodore?”
His blinding smile disappears, his face twisting into a solemn facade. “Are you okay?”
Jesus Christ. My heart wants to dissolve into the chair, but somehow, I manage to keep my brick walls intact. “I’m fine,” I cleared my throat. “I’m excited to see who Professor Hart assigns as my partner.”
Changing the subject doesn’t seem to bother Knight, his face softening. Our professor interrupts him before he can reply.
“Good morning, everyone. I hope your weekends were relaxing because once I assign this project, you might not have a social life for a while.”
That won’t be my problem. I will be living in either my bedroom, the library or Strong Beans Cafe. I hear a slight sigh leave Theodore. Maybe he is worried about football?
Instinctively, I snap my hairband against my wrist. I’m not thinking about him. Although faint, the pain forces my attention back to Professor Hart.
“Hopefully you read my emails and have some ideas. But I won’t drag it out any longer,”
He continues to read out the names of other students. Some I recognise, some I don’t.
“Jazmine Allen,” my eyes perk up at the sound of my name. “And Theodore Knight.”
I grind my teeth, face devoid of any emotion. Glancing over to Knight, he sits next to me with a flirty smile plaguing his face. Fucking hell. I narrow my eyes, anger beaming off me.
That stupid mouth.
“Your pantie-dropping smile won’t work on me, so wipe it off your face.”
“Princess, if you want me to take your panties off, all you have to do is ask.”
Can I strangle him?
I fake a gag. “You,” I circle my hand around his body. “Will never get the pleasure of doing that.”
Theodore’s mouth curves into a devious smirk, his blue eyes have an incandescent glow. “Are you free tonight, Princess?”
He moves closer and his body heat is scintillating. I desperately want to step back, but I refuse to give Theodore a sign he affects me.
I scoff at his insinuation. “This isn’t an excuse for you to flirt with me.” No more than you already do. “We pick our topic and meet for the minimum amount of time so I don’t either kill you or go insane.”
I point my finger at his toned chest. Knight shortens the space between us again, his breath dancing across my neck as my back straightens.
“You’re quite a stubborn little thing, aren’t you? My plan sounds much better and incredibly fun.”
I swallow, ignoring my flushed skin and lustful thoughts. My palms find his chest, pushing him back.
“Not happening,”
Theodore’s eyes linger on my wrist. His fingers slip around my left wrist. They are cool against my skin, causing my stomach to drop. Shit. Has he seen the bruise from my hairband?
“What is this?”
I can barely look into his eyes. They are sharp and consumed by anger. Words are on the tip of my tongue but my brain is unable to form sentences. Theodore removes the hairband from my wrist, inspecting the red and purple bruise.
“Are you hurting yourself?”
The tremble in his voice shatters my heart into tiny pieces. It’s like I’m stuck in time, not able to move, breathe or plead my case. All I can see is Theodore’s soft, fearful eyes. They’re my fucking undoing.
“It’s not—” I tilt my head back, my gaze on the ceiling. “I use it to help me pay attention. When I start overthinking it can be hard to stop,”
Theodore shakes his head. “You shouldn’t be using pain to stop your brain,”
I close my eyes. I know he is right but I’m not ready to admit that. “I’m fine,”
“No,” Theodore snaps. “Promise me you won't do this anymore. I don’t like seeing you hurt, Princess.”
The layer of ice around my heart thaws at his words. Why does he have to have this effect on me? Part of me longs for someone to be by my side through the ups and downs but my bruised heart doesn't want to be broken again.
I swallow and clear my throat. “I’ll try,”
Knight releases my hand, returning it to my side .
Both of us sit back down, silence settling between us. Everyone else is moving around the lecture theatre to talk to their partners. What are the fucking chances of this happening to me? It should be zero but apparently not.
“If you won’t let me take you out, when are you free to meet?”
I open the calendar app on my phone and scroll across every day of the week. “Tuesday and Thursday are the only weekdays I’m free,”
Theodore’s eyebrows crease, his mouth twitching to either side as he stares at his phone. “Tuesday I have training but I can do Thursday,”
We are going to need more than one session a week to finish it on time. I check my other days. I suppose I could move shifts at the cafe. I turn to Theo to offer a solution, but he speaks before me.
“Are you good to work on weekends? I can probably do Sunday,”
“Only if you’re sure. I can change shifts at the cafe for it to suit you better,”
“You don’t have to do that. Thursday and Sunday will be fine,”
He seems stuck in his ways. That is another reason why we clash—both as stubborn as the other. Nonetheless, I agree.
“What time suits you best?”
“Thursday, I have classes all morning. Can we meet at half past three? ”
“Sounds good. Where do you want to do it? Mine or yours?” I ask.
The glint in Theo’s eyes makes me regret saying anything. “Don’t answer that. We will meet at yours,” I say sternly.
Theodore can’t seem to stop grinning as the talking from all the students dies down. I roll my shoulders back, sinking further into the chair. The professor discusses the main topics we need to cover in the project and goes over the marking criteria.
The weighting of this assessment is fifty percent of my grade for the class, so it is crucial I get a top mark. Cooper and Byrd are one of the companies receiving our paper meaning there is the potential to earn an internship. Theodore won’t be the worst partner as it seems he will actually participate, unlike other partners I’ve had over the past couple years.
My classmates’ voices bring me back to the present, where everyone is filing out of the room. Quickly, I place my iPad and stationary items into my bag and leave Theodore behind as I make my way to Strong Beans.
The lunch rush is minutes away from starting when I enter the cafe. After taking a deep breath, I call out to Brandon—he leaves when I arrive for the lunch shift—and assume my place behind the counter.