34. Lilith #2
“Yes, I do.” I’m clumsy as I get up from the couch. Stumbling as I create distance between us. Tears streak my cheeks the farther I get away from him. All I want is to throw my hands around this idiot. “Listen to me. I’ve known about your storage unit for a while.”
His eyes narrow by an increment.
He’s actually listening.
“Surprise.” I fail to inject humor into the word. Dammit. “I’m the screwed-up one in our relationship. I’ve learned everything there is to know about you, minus the notebook, because I’ve been stalking you.”
“Stalking me?” He cocks an eyebrow as he gets up from the sofa.
“Yes. That’s why I work at the cafeteria. It’s fun, sure, but—”
The backs of my knees hit his loveseat. I slip away from it, walking back, back, back.
Alaric is almost there.
Not yet.
“I returned to New York for you.”
His jaw slackens, mouth parting.
Then—
“It makes sense, actually.” He blinks, and the confusion vanishes from his eyes.
“I was wrong to say I didn’t believe in fate.
I do now. As much as I believe in science.
It’s the only explanation for this. For us crossing paths when we did, so you could find your way back to me when you were meant to. ”
Though his gait is long and he could catch me easily, Alaric takes his time. I suspect it’s because he wants to hear me out.
If he does, if he’s willing to listen, there’s hope that this misunderstanding will end as soon as…
Now.
Driven to get it over with, I decide to purge every single fucked-up thing I’ve done over the past month.
“It gets worse.” My voice is high-pitched, panicked. I clear my throat and add, “And this next part has nothing to do with fate.”
He quirks an eyebrow.
“I broke into your locker. Stole your boxers.”
That earns me a possessive look before this huge man goes back to stalking toward me.
No. He can’t do it. Can’t stop me.
I’m not done.
“I rubbed one out.” I walk backward, splitting my attention between the kitchen and Alaric. “While sniffing them. Your boxers. Tell me this isn’t messed up. You can’t, right? Because it is. It’s far worse than being a vigilante.”
At that, a smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. A fleeting, cold one.
“Little devil.”
Another sliver of hope claws up my chest.
Maybe he’s about to agree with me. Maybe he’s going to tell me he gets how someone like me can accept him for who he is. That he understands now that nothing he could do would ever scare me off.
“Take my boxers. Fuck, take everything I own. My home. My goddamn bank account.” He flattens a hand over his chest. “If we’re a match and you ever needed it, I’d end my life and give you my heart. Strip me of my flesh and my skin, and I would love you still.”
I’m elated. I’m giddy.
For all of a second.
Beneath the beautiful words, I hear his message loud and clear.
He still looks at me as this perfect woman. This person who’ll struggle to come to terms with him being a killer.
Six feet separate us.
If I don’t do something fast, he’ll grab me.
He’ll silence me again.
So I drag my feet toward the counter where he keeps his knife block. I’ll die before I hurt him. But wielding one would buy me some time.
That’s all I need to get through to him. Five minutes without the gags.
“You have to understand that whatever you’ve done, I’ve done far worse.
You are nothing like me.” Crap, that was the wrong thing to say, given how his teeth grind audibly.
“No one but me has benefited from my stalking you. It was selfish. With you, on the other hand, it’s a win-win. Win-win-win, actually.”
“How so?” His hands flex at his sides. It looks for all the world like he’s preparing to strike. “Hmm?”
“One, bad people die.” I save myself from bumping into the kitchen island at the last minute. My breath hitches. “Two, your patients get a better doctor. Three, um—I’m no shrink, but it might help you work through your trauma. So, see? You’re one of the good ones. The best one.”
I’m almost at the counter. Alaric is three feet away. We stare each other down, his gaze hard, my pussy shamefully wet.
There’s something about being in danger without my life being at actual risk that—
Focus!
Impossible. I can’t move, can’t look away as he whips off his T-shirt. His sculpted abdomen and that V-shaped muscle are put on display, making me weak at the knees.
“Come here,” he says.
Why?
My curiosity and missing him are powerful forces.
They’re the ones moving my feet forward.
One step.
Another.
“Good girl.” His hand is soft as he curls it around the back of my neck.
Then darkness flashes in his eyes.
No!
He flattens my cheek on the counter. It’s cool against my skin, but I hardly feel it. Alaric’s hand is the only thing that exists in my world. That, and the mind-numbing terror that clutches me.
“What the hell?” I whisper-yell. Even at a time like this, I refuse to make a scene. The last thing either of us needs is his neighbors calling the cops. “Why?”
“You’re trying to get me to release you.” His chest expands with each labored breath. “Convincing me you’re worse than I am when you’re so goddamn adorable. Jesus Christ. Some stalking? Stolen boxers and depraved orgasms? It fucking flatters me.”
“Are you serious?” Pressing my hands against the counter gets me nowhere. Alaric’s strength is unmatched. “What’s cute about committing a crime? A handful of them?”
His expression hardens, eyes shuttering. “You and I both know that everything you listed is a far cry from murder.”
God, he’s infuriating. “A justified killing isn’t the same as cold-blooded murder.”
“Enough. It’s too soon for you to be okay with who I am.” It’s a statement, one he’s determined to believe in, regardless of what I say or do. “You can’t possibly go back to loving me so soon. Even if you already found out about it. Not yet.”
“I never stopped.” A tear slips free. The pressure on my nape is light, painless. But my heart—fuck. I have to help him out of the hole he’s dug himself into. So far, I’m failing him. “I’m not manipulating you, either, I swear.”
“Don’t worry, Lilith.” He leans over me, reaching somewhere I can’t see.
My eyes fly open at the whoosh sound.
What is he doing?
“I’ll make you love me again. Make you realize I’m worthy of you, flawed and all.” Alaric straightens to his full height, a knife clutched in his hand. “Starting with this.”
Shock hollows me out. My face goes numb. Even breathing feels delayed.
“No, no, no,” I whisper, my voice breathy. “No. Stop. Put it down.”
“I need to show you.” His attention is fixed on my face as he pins the tip of the blade just below his ribs. “Need you to see how far I’ll go for you. That we belong together.”
He’s going to hurt himself. Why? What? I don’t get it. Is this penance?
What fucking for?
“Alaric!”
“I love you.”
He dips his chin, his eyes fixed on his stomach.
The knife nicks his skin.
A drop of blood runs down his abdomen, catching in his sweatpants.
“Please, stop.” I cry harder than ever before. “You don’t deserve it. I know you love me. I don’t need you to do this.”
“Yes, you do.” He drags the knife down, breaking skin in a vertical line. More blood soaks the waistband. It’s not much. He won’t die. Still. It hurts. “I’m giving it to you gladly. I’ll do anything for you.”
Both of us watch as he draws a new line beside the first one, shorter and set just to its right. Then he adds a small line, practically a dot, above it.
Two letters bleed across his stomach.
li
“Stop, please.” My vision blurs around the edges. I’m so worried, I think I’m going to pass out. “I don’t need you to bleed for me. Alaric. Stop.”
“I’m not just bleeding, little devil.” He doesn’t flinch when he carves another long line right next to the last one. “I’m branding your name on my skin.”
“Then do me too,” I mumble as I fight to stay conscious. “I’m just as obsessed with you. I need to prove myself too. I want your name on my skin. Do it.”
“No.” His eyes snap to mine, fire burning within them. “I’ll never use a knife on you. I’ll die a thousand times before I do.”
His unhinged words of assurance are the last thing I hear before my body gives out.
Everything goes dark. Silent.
Lonely.
Alaric, my soul screams.
No one answers.