Chapter 28 #3
That didn't make sense. "But don't people spy on other creches? Is that all surveillance, or…"
"I –" Araxis frowned as he considered it.
"Yes, but –" I was quiet as I watched him chew it over, and then he exhaled, hard.
"Clearly, the conduct I expect from an honourable creche amounts to nothing.
Again, I find myself – ill-prepared, although I have been training for this all of my life.
Our Thalidi certainly did not expect to be killed for expressing her beliefs; Xitera may have fallen even further than I'd feared, as Nizanin has warned.
So it may be impossible to say what might be done, or how Naival might justify their actions.
And – Sashen." He jerked his chin to the side to look at me with a flickering glance, one that was bright with fear.
"I have not heard from any of our creche-mates, not since I spoke with Vivith last night.
They have replied to none of my messages this morning. "
A rock sat in my gut, heavy and cold, as I thought about what that might mean. "So someone has moved against the creche."
The shuttle couldn't get us to Sozamia fast enough but no matter how swiftly Araxis hurtled it through the void of space, there was still an aeon of waiting.
My leg jiggled as I chewed on my lip, my fingers drumming against the stock of my lance, which had been clicked down to a smaller size so it could rest against my thigh.
"You should eat something," said Araxis distantly, breaking the silence.
I almost startled. "What?"
"You haven't eaten since the cart in Ballast Ward. You should eat."
I didn't think I could. "I'm fine," I lied, my stomach tight and sour. My leg jiggled some more.
Araxis turned, then, to look at me fully. His jaw was tense, expression serious. "Sashen," he said, voice low, "I do not know what we're walking into, but I do know that I will need you at your best. And your body does best when it's fed. So – please?"
I nodded numbly, unclipping and pacing back to the yellow emergency supplies compartment beneath the back bench. "There's a bag," said Araxis, so I bypassed the usual rations canister filled with tasteless squares and instead tugged out a carefully clasped fabric bag.
Inside were a series of those electrolyte drinks I liked so much, and some packaged ration squares that were –
"These are the expensive ones," I said slowly.
"They taste like actual food. And this –" I hauled out crinkly packets of spicy crackers, which I'd found on the ship before we ever arrived at the Tournament and had liked so much.
"This is just normal food." I stared at the little pile before me, food that I liked, and looked back at Araxis. "Is this... a snack pack for me?"
"I – Yes," said Araxis, still staring at his message terminal as if it might suddenly produce an answer he liked. "I thought it would be prudent. You need snacks, on occasion."
I picked up the electrolyte drink, fingers tightening around the bottle.
And I didn't have time to dwell on what his thoughtfulness meant to me, or how being cared for in this way left me with a strange mixture of relief and what felt a lot like deep, instinctive fear, as if I couldn't possibly trust his kindness, or maybe anyone's – so instead, I grabbed a packet of crackers and a drink, and shoved the rest back in the bag before throwing myself into my seat.
I popped open the top of the drink, ripped the crackers open. "Do you think they'll be in our suite?"
"Possibly," said Araxis, watching out of the side of his eye as I dutifully ate and drank.
I offered him the bottle, but he shook his head.
"Perhaps at our warehouse. We were meant to bring the ship there later today for loading.
If I were doing something like this, I might have people waiting at both locations, to assure that I had access to my target. "
Cool, loved that. My stomach squirmed, although I did feel less nauseated with something in my belly.
What might be happening at those locations right now?
Probably nothing, I told myself. Probably this was all a misunderstanding.
But – if someone wants to hurt you, you'd better get there first. Even if it was a misunderstanding, I had to assume the worst and act accordingly, and we'd go from there.
I looked at Araxis's sharp profile, the tense line of his jaw, the washed-out white of his skin, and I tried for a smile.
"Two possible locations, huh? Good thing there's two of us. "
And I knew how serious everything was because Araxis didn't fight me. He only nodded and agreed that we should move separately. "I can drop you at the Verdant Ward docks," he said, "and then I will travel down to Ballast."
I checked the time. "No, that's stupid. It's going to take us forever to get clearance to land at Verdant. Dock at Ballast and I can take the inter-ward tunnels. I can do them at a run; it'll be faster than waiting on clearance. I'm quick, you know I am."
"The tunnels –" started Araxis, and then he cut himself off.
Creche Naival was moving against us, so we could assume that Creche Hanalthi, who'd supported the writ of propitiation, had a hand in things as well, which meant the tunnels would potentially leave me vulnerable to the station guards.
But they'd also be busy, and it was harder to haul someone off to a dark corner and beat the living shit out of them when there were a lot of people around.
It was extra hard when that person was a minor broadcast celebrity.
And what was our other option, for Araxis to make the trip up to Verdant Ward?
He wouldn't even know where he was going.
He'd never been in the tunnels, not once.
"Araxis," I said just as Sozamia Station came into view, nothing more than a gleaming dot in the distance with flashing motes of stardust around it – shuttles and ships, arcing and swooping like electrons around an atom.
"I can do this." And then I tipped back the rest of my drink, wiping at the few drops that spilled over my bottom lip, and gave up on the few crackers still rattling around in the bottom of the packet.
Araxis was silent as his hands flew over the comms panel, preparing the clearance request and flagging it as urgent.
Then, before he tapped his thumb on the glowing blue interface to send it from our shuttle to Sozamia, he turned to look at me.
"Beloved," said Araxis, and I was surprised that his voice was rough at the edges, torn and a little wet, like a napkin left under a cold drink, "I do not doubt your capacity.
It is rather that I – I do not know what we are about to encounter, and I – If something were to happen to you – If you came to harm and I were not there – If – Sashen, I swore you would be safe here.
You are a treasure, my treasure. I do not wish for you to see violence at my side; I do not intend to be careless.
I swore that no one would ever touch you again but –" His features spasmed as if in a burst of pain, while Nizanin's poisonous words sat on his tongue, and he twisted his face away so that I wouldn't see.
I unclipped myself from my seat and closed the space between us in the cockpit, reaching for Araxis and cradling his face in my hands, smoothing away the tension living in his features with steady strokes of my thumbs.
"I'm not going to promise you that nothing bad will happen because I can't know that," I said.
"But I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to take care of this creche – and that includes me too. That includes us."
He stared up at me, his black eyes reflecting the bright lights of Sozamia Station beyond our window, and I felt, in that moment, like maybe I really was his treasure.
The way he looked at me made me burnished, gleaming, as if the shadows that lived inside of me might become lit up – not a wolf on the hunt, but a guardian leaping into the fray.
Did a wolf always have to hunt the flock, or could I, instead, protect the people I loved from other monsters?
He sent the request and was approved almost immediately: the docks of Ballast Ward had capacity for ships many times our size and were used to heavy traffic, so docking was quick.
"Be careful," I said as the shuttle rocked beneath us, attaching to a minor dock that was close to Creche Thiel's warehouse. "And tell me what happens."
"I will." Araxis stood, pulling me in tight, inhaling so deeply against me that I could feel his chest moving against mine. "I will be careful and I will update you. And you –"