9. Ellie
CHAPTER NINE
ellie
“I’VE BEEN THINKING…”
My mug of steaming hot coffee paused on the way to my lips as I looked at Anne London. She sat across from me in her kitchen’s breakfast nook, and behind her, the morning sun drifted across the lake, which was still and serene, lending me a bit of its calm.
Last week, I’d flown to Boston for Natalie’s custody trial.
It had only been two days after the doctor appointment which confirmed I was pregnant, but I knew I needed to be there for my best friend.
So I shoved down my nerves, put on my compression socks, anxiously pumped my feet the entire flight, and then caught a ride to the courthouse, where I’d been greeted by Anne London.
She had, of course, seen right through me. She could tell I was a nervous wreck for reasons other than the trial, and while I managed not to blurt out that I was pregnant with her grandchild, I had told her about transitioning to a remote position at work and my plan to move back to Minnesota.
Back home.
When I’d said it aloud, my heart pounded louder at the word that I hadn’t known what to associate with for so long.
What was home? It wasn’t where I lived in California, next to the tech bros on the outskirts of Silicon Valley, and it wasn’t the house my mom still lived in on Maple Street, the same one I resided in through high school.
But when I said I was moving home, something ached in my chest.
Because also on Maple Street, there was a place that was the closest thing to home I’d ever known.
It wasn’t this house, this new lake home of Anne’s which I sat in now. But this place was still lovely, and I was grateful to be here. I felt safe here, with Anne. Which was why I hadn’t been able to say no when she offered to let me stay with her until I found an apartment to move into.
I set my mug back down, giving her my attention. I’d already taken two pretend sips, considering I hadn’t known how to tell Anne that I could no longer drink full-blown caffeine.
“Yeah?” I prompted when she still hadn’t said more, looking a little lost in her own thoughts.
Anne shook out of it, wrapped both hands around her cup of coffee, and shot me a small smile. “It’s just, I wanted to talk to you about something before you go out and put down a deposit on a new apartment. You can absolutely say no, of course, but I’m hoping you’ll at least consider.”
I gave a slow nod and tapped my fingers on the side of my mug, lightly tracing the outline of loons.
Anne loved loons. Along with this mug, she had loon-covered throw blankets and pillows and artwork on the wall.
It was tastefully done, at least in this house, where I suspected she’d had some help from an interior designer, courtesy of Noah, who had bought this place for her a few years ago.
The entire home had a lake theme, with serene blues and whites mixing with homey, timber accents.
It was beautiful and warm and huge. And very much filled with loons. And, of course, dogs.
As if on cue, an adorable Yorkie named Lulu jumped into my lap, and I smiled, petting her.
She’d shown up just yesterday and had settled in quickly compared to other rescue animals the Londons had housed in the past. Honey, who sat warming my feet, didn’t seem to like her.
Too much energy for my old soul gal, whose white face had promptly made me burst into tears when I’d first seen her sitting on Anne’s front porch upon arriving.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, considering the older woman. I had three tours planned for today, determined to find a place to live so I could get out of Anne London’s house before her son found me here.
Although maybe he already knew.
“I just want to offer it as a possibility,” Anne said, not answering my question. Her gaze was skirting around me, avoiding direct eye contact, which caused suspicion to bubble in my stomach. “If you really aren’t interested—”
“Anne,” I cut in, wearing a half-smile. The Yorkie jumped from my lap, ran beneath the table, and appeared in Anne’s arms a second later.
“Yes, yes,” she laughed, knowing full well what she was doing.
She took a second to give attention to Lulu before setting her gently on the floor and focusing on me.
Her hands clasped together on the table, and her green eyes were on me now, more direct than before.
“The Maple Street house is vacant,” she said.
“And it could use an occupant. Someone around to make sure the pipes aren’t frozen in the winter, you know? ”
A breathy, nervous laugh fell from my lips because…what?
“Anne…it’s August.”
It was the only thing I could think to say.
She cocked her head to the side, brows pulling together. “Are you not staying for long?”
“Oh, no.” I shook my head. “No, I’m staying. Through winter, certainly. And…longer, I think.” I couldn’t believe I was intentionally signing up for another winter in Minnesota, but it was unavoidable. “But what about Tom?”
“He moved out.” Anne waved a hand, lips pursed.
“It was too big of a place for just him, and I think…” She heaved a wistful sigh that twisted my insides.
Anne and Tom London had divorced a few years back.
It had shocked me when I’d heard. But what hadn’t shocked me was that it’d been a mutual, peaceful separation.
Amicable, without any sort of antagonization or blame—at least outwardly, according to Natalie.
It was also the one and only time I’d reached out to Sully after our split.
He hadn’t replied.
“I think there was just too much tied to that house,” Anne finished eventually. “You know?”
“Yeah.” I nodded, clearing my throat.
I knew.
I knew all too well, which was exactly why, as much as I hated to admit it, as much as I longed for something familiar, I didn’t think any of this was a good idea.
“He moved into an apartment,” she added.
“His choice. We could have split this damn house, but…” She trailed off, waving another hand around with a sigh.
“Anyway, we still own the Maple house. Neither of us wants to live in it, but neither of us wants to get rid of it, either. And I’ve thought about renting it out, but with how busy it is at the rescue these days, I don’t have time for managing a tenant. So if you wanted…”
Anne shrugged and then became overly interested in her coffee, taking a long sip while I thought on her proposal.
“It’s a far bigger house than I need for just me,” I tried to reason. “And to maintain it—”
“Oh, no, honey. You wouldn’t have to do any of that.” She laughed. “That’s what Theo’s for. And I’ve got my maintenance guy Bob in town, too. I’d have them come out to give everything a tune-up before you moved in.”
Fuck, I didn’t know what to say to that. I had no idea what everything even entailed, considering I didn’t know much about being a homeowner. But I wouldn’t be a homeowner. Just a tenant. In a house. In the house, the one I’d all but grown up in. Found my best friend in. Fallen in love in.
My mouth opened and closed as I searched for words I didn’t have. But Anne was staring at me, eager for a response. So I found one.
“It’s likely…more than I could afford,” I ventured, even knowing it might not be true. My income was more than sufficient for my lifestyle out in California, so I was sure it would stretch even further here. But I’d also been planning to find a place that was below budget so I could save up.
For the baby.
“Afford? No, no.” Anne shook her head. “There’s no cost. You’d be doing me a favor, after all.”
Shit.
A free place to live? In a house that I loved? And a chance to give back to the woman who had invested so much of her time and love and energy into making me feel welcome in that home? In her family?
God, I didn’t know how to say no to that. Even if the thought of moving into that house terrified me because I knew it would come with baggage. With memories in the walls that would haunt me. Whispers of a former life. The best life.
This was what Sully had wanted, though.
This was what he had talked about: raising his kids where he’d grown up.
Of course, that was before. In a different universe and a different life.
For all I knew, he might not want anything to do with me or our child.
Maybe he’d want me to leave. Maybe he’d resent me.
Maybe he’d hate the thought of me living there.
Maybe Maple Street was somewhere we couldn’t go back to.
My stomach grew increasingly unsettled as I thought about it.
I didn’t expect anything from Sully; that wasn’t why I’d returned to Minnesota.
I didn’t expect us to get back together.
I didn’t expect him to take care of me or the baby or any of that.
But I knew Sully wanted kids—it had been all he’d ever wanted—and the idea of having his child and living halfway across the country felt unimaginable.
Not to mention, I’d never known my dad. And living with that experience, that confusion and partial feeling of abandonment as a child, was the last thing I wanted for my own kid. They deserved to know Sully, and Sully deserved to know them.
“It’s an old house,” Anne added when I’d grown quiet. “And it could use some new life in it.”
“Okay,” I whispered and then froze, shocked that I’d said that aloud.
Intermingled in my shock, though, was an odd sense of relief.
This would likely reopen wounds I probably didn’t know still existed, but I’d already come this far.
I’d already moved cross-country and planned to attempt co-parenting or something of that sort with my ex.
How much worse could it really get? And it was one more thing checked off my list. One more thing I didn’t have to worry about and a quick way to get out of Sully’s mom’s house.
And into his childhood home.
“Okay,” I reiterated, a little louder this time. “I’m in, and I really do appreciate it, Anne. But I do think…” I worried my bottom lip. “I think we should make sure Sully’s okay with it.”