29. Sully
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
sully
ELLIE FELL ASLEEP BY the time I got to the second page in the book, but I read through the first chapter anyway.
I often struggled to focus on the words on a page because my brain wanted to go elsewhere, but tonight, it was the opposite.
My brain was searching for a place to go.
My hands sought pages to flip. And this book, in particular, gave a sense of comfort I badly needed right now.
I would have read a lot longer if it weren’t for the fact that my brother was still downstairs, making noises in the kitchen. And I needed to tell him that he could go home.
I found Theo at the stove, stirring something in a large pot that smelled savory and warm.
He looked up in surprise when he heard me approach, as though stunned that I’d left Ellie’s side.
Understandable, considering it hadn’t been easy.
But she was safely tucked into my bed, where she belonged, and everything was going to be okay.
“Soup?” I asked, gesturing to the pot.
Theo had been rotating through culinary interests lately, and soup was his current one. A little poorly timed for August, but hopefully, I could get him to carry it through into the autumn months before he turned to something else.
Theo shrugged. “Yeah. I figured you’d both pass out, honestly. And then you’d have something to eat for later.”
“Thanks, man.” I sighed, dropping into a chair at the round kitchen table. “You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it.”
“Least I can do.” He shook his head and then pointed at a bag on the chair next to me. “There’s your bag. It has all your work stuff, clothes, toiletries, your meds. Which you should probably take right now.”
I nodded. “I will, thank you. For going to get it. And for texting me. I—” My stomach knotted, thinking about yesterday when I’d gotten his vague message and raced here, heart in my throat. “I’d been here in the morning, and fuck, I never should have left.”
“You were here?”
“Yeah, I, uh—” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Spent the night. On accident.”
Theo raised a brow and then went back to stirring his soup. “On accident.”
“We were watching a movie, and we both fell asleep.”
All Theo did was give me a sly little look from the corner of his eye. “Okay, man.”
Fine. Yes. Ellie fell asleep after the things we’d done, and then I had refused to wake her, and I’d also refused to leave.
I’d tucked my long limbs onto that tiny couch and wrapped myself around her until her hair had covered my face, and the only thing I could breathe in was her scent.
And I’d never slept so well in my whole goddamn life.
And then morning came.
Reality.
I’d let her push me away—again.
But hell if I hadn’t finally learned my lesson. I wasn’t going to let that happen this time. No fucking more.
I sighed, and then the words “I think I fucked up” came out of my mouth.
Theo frowned as he turned to look at me. “You couldn’t have known what was going to happen, Sul.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. Not yesterday.
” Although I’d never fully forgive myself for not being here when she realized what was happening.
God, she must have been scared. Just like I wish I had been there when she learned she was pregnant.
One day, she’d understand that I just wanted to be here. “Five years ago.”
“With the breakup?”
I nodded, dropping my head into my hands and staring at the top of the worn oak tabletop. “I think I—fuck, I think I finally figured out what happened.”
“You didn’t…know?”
A fair question.
I thought I did, to an extent.
But no.
“I didn’t understand. Her. What was going through her mind.
” I closed my already heavy lids, trying to think back to what she’d said that day when everything fell apart.
“And I was such an ass, letting her leave because of it. I should have taken the time to figure her out, but she was the one person I thought I knew better than anyone, and I just assumed I…”
Theo was quiet for a long moment while I sank into memories I hated revisiting. All I could hear was the distant echo of Eleanor’s voice and the soft boiling of whatever he had on the stove.
“Knew everything?” he finally finished for me.
“Yeah.” My mouth was dry, the word sticking to my lips.
I’d thought I’d known Ellie inside and out, but at a certain point, something had shifted in her. And I hadn’t been paying close enough attention to realize it.
“But she came back,” he finally said. “For you, Sul.”
“I know,” I rasped.
“So just don’t let her leave again,” he replied like it was the easiest thing in the world. “Or if she wants to leave, go with her this time.”
I lifted my head to find my brother watching me carefully. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
The corner of his mouth tilted. “You know what I mean.”
“I do know. And believe me, that’s my plan.”
He nodded in response, and I noticed for the first time just how exhausted he looked. Dark circles appeared under his eyes, even though he said he’d gotten a couple of hours of sleep on my couch when he’d gone to grab my stuff.
“Do you want to crash here?” I asked. “Or are you gonna head home?”
“I think I’ll put this in a Crock-Pot for you, and then I’ll head out. Unless you want me to stay?”
“Nah, man.” I shook my head. “You’ve done enough. More than enough.”
“Okay.” Theo crossed the room to pull me up out of my chair and give me a tight hug, clapping my back and gripping hard. “I’m so sorry, Sul,” he said, his voice gruff in my ear.
I nodded because it was all I could do. Emotion had clogged my throat, leaving my vocal cords out of order.
“Get some rest, okay?” he added, and again, I nodded. “Call me if you need me, and tell Ellie I’m thinking about her.”
“I will,” I managed to croak out and then thanked him before wandering back upstairs to Eleanor.
Always back to Eleanor.
As promised, I slept in Natalie’s bed, but I left both doors open so I could see her curled up on the end of my bed from across the hall.
I heard Theo leave the house before drifting off to sleep.
And when I woke a few hours later, the rain had stopped pattering on the roof, and I could feel the afternoon sun on my face, along with something else. Something even better than sunshine. Something brown and warm that felt a lot like home.
“Hey, El,” I murmured.
She blinked her beautiful eyes, casting them away from my face, as though embarrassed that I’d caught her staring at me.
But still, she breathed my name back to me in a morning—well, afternoon—greeting.
And for the first time, everything really did feel like it was going to be okay.