Chapter 44 Enjoy Your Life
ENJOY YOUR LIFE
Ember
I shifted uneasily on the cold metal chair beneath me. I wasn’t even sure why I was here doing this—what I expected to gain from this little outing. But I knew Wyatt pulled some strings to make this happen, and I wasn’t going to let it go to waste.
He was right outside the window if I needed him, and he’d even offered to come inside with me, but I told him no.
I needed to do this on my own, and I would.
The door across the room from me clicked open, and in walked the man who donated half of my genetics.
His eyes raked over me in a cold and indifferent way.
By this point, he knew the case the state had against him.
He knew all of his children turned against him and his wife up and left town without him.
Prior to showing up, I didn’t expect him to be in the best of mental spaces, but he looked… fine.
As if nothing here would or even could touch him.
He sat down in the chair across from me, an orange jumpsuit against his pale skin and dark brown hair. The same set of brown eyes I saw in the mirror every day staring back at me.
“Ember.” His voice was flat and just as emotionless as his face.
“Bennett,” I threw back.
He rolled his eyes at the use of his first name.
I hadn’t called him Dad to his face since the night I’d asked Mom about the dance.
It had been my small piece of defiance towards him—something I could control and not deal with the massive fallout.
Mom hated it, but he always just ignored it, as if it wasn’t even worth his time to yell at me for.
“What did you want? Come here to gloat? Or whine?”
My eyes flicked to the door where an armed officer stood, eyes glued to the back of my father’s head.
I cleared my throat, my hands dropping to my lap as I sat straight up and stared at him for the first time in years. “I want to know why.”
“Why what?”
“Why you stole so much from me? Why you purposefully contributed to a shitty childhood? Why you never wanted me? Why you were never around? Why you decided to become a fucking criminal instead of a decent man? I don’t know, take your pick,” I shot back, my chest heaving by the time I finished and my fingers wringing together as I tried to hide the nervous energy.
He just stared, lips in a grim line. Maybe I was bothering him. Interrupting the time of day all the inmates gathered to watch soap operas or some shit.
“There was this moment, after your brothers were born, when I saw this flicker in your eyes…I knew then you’d be complicated.” He trailed off, staring just over my shoulder.
I waited.
Waited for him to further explain.
Waited for him to tell me what that even meant, but he said nothing.
“You knew I’d be complicated? What the fuck does that even mean?” I snapped, my nails digging half-moons into my palms as I stared across the table at him.
He shook his head, slowly and thoughtfully, as his eyes returned to me. “You said something smart, something so unlike your mother, I knew you’d be like me. Snarky, against the grain, and I hated it. I didn’t want to deal with it, so I chose not to.”
“You…chose not to deal with me at the age of two because you felt I may have what? Opinions? Thoughts of my own? At two?” My mouth felt dry, and I was finding it hard to swallow down this level of bullshit spouting from his lips.
“That’s the most insane bullshit I ever could’ve—no, I couldn’t even imagine that.
You’re insane, Bennett, and I hope you get everything you deserve while you spend the rest of your miserable life in prison. ”
I stood from the table and started for the door.
“Ember,” he spoke up, but I didn’t turn, only stopping, my eyes glued to the exit as the officer stepped out of the way for me. “Lori left you a note. Should be at the house when you want to go grab it.”
I let my feet carry me the rest of the way out of the building, Wyatt meeting me at the door. He didn’t speak, just took my hand and led me to the SUV.
“Can you take me there?” I asked, my voice quiet as I stared out the windshield.
“Of course, little flame.”
The drive was quiet, the windows cracked as the cool Colorado air filtered into the car. My sweater was the only thing holding heat within my body right now.
I hadn’t spoken to Mom since our dinner that night two months ago.
She never showed up to lunch, and she never answered the phone.
The cops said they were searching for her to interview her for my father’s case, but nothing.
Evan said he hadn’t heard from her, but he also hadn’t tried.
Nor had he been back there since that night.
I forced myself to count backwards from ten as we pulled up in front of the house.
“I don’t even have a key.”
Wyatt chuckled. “Oh yes, because I’m worried about something as silly as breaking and entering. Come on, Em. Let’s go.”
He opened my door, and I climbed out, his hand immediately back in mine as we walked to the front door. He only let go to reach under the mat and pull out a spare key.
“Breaking and entering, huh?”
Wyatt chuckled. “I may have texted Evan when we left the prison. He told me where the key was. Although I would gladly throw a rock through the window for you, and I still can if you want to break some shit.”
I shook my head, taking the key from him and unlocking the door. “Let’s go, Carragan.”
Truly, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I walked in.
The house looking like no one had left? That wasn’t it, but that was the reality of the situation at hand.
Nothing had changed. I walked around, my eyes taking in the photos on the walls, all my brothers and Bennett.
The only one that sat there of me, was one of me and Mom when I was a year old.
“Ember,” Wyatt called from the kitchen.
Walking in, I found him at the kitchen counter, a white envelope in his hand with my name written across it.
“Do you want me to go?” he asked as I took the paper in my hand, but I just shook my head.
I didn’t waste time opening the stupid thing. Why bother? I just wanted to read it and go home. Maybe scream into the woods a few times while I did.
Ember,
If you’re reading this, it’s because I’ve left and wasn’t sure how to tell you the truth of my life—my choices. A letter feels pathetic, almost like a betrayal, but after everything we’ve done and seen together, this may be the kindest of things I’ve done for you.
When you were born, your father had another family off in the city.
I knew, and I didn’t care. Something about him…
I just needed him by my side. You were that reason.
That thing that held him with me. I thought if I could give him a son like she had, maybe he’d see that it would all be better here.
He could have his family in Raven Creek and us.
It didn’t work, of course. He just chose both lives, and for a while, I was even fine with that.
I had the ring, the name, the house, and the baby.
He wanted a son; I gave him two. I thought for sure that would make him stay, leave the rest behind, but he left us all in the end, and none of it ever mattered to him more than the money and the notoriety.
I wished I knew how to be better for you, how to love you the way a mother should.
I tried once you were older, once I saw that you had gone out and done something real with your life.
I tried to get to know you, and I have no one to blame but myself for my lack of success on that front. Don’t blame yourself—please.
Just know that I’m proud of you. I’m proud of the strong-willed and confident woman you are today, and I know whatever you choose to do in life? It’ll be better than I ever chose.
Enjoy your life sweetheart,
Mom
I shook my head after the third read through. Tossing the papers on the counter, I charged out of the house and found myself on the front lawn of the small trailer park, my knees in the grass as I screamed into the cool night air.
Wyatt stood behind me, his arms crossed as he watched. People glanced out their doors, but he did something to make them go back inside. Maybe it was a thumbs up or a nod or a shrug. That boyish smirk would also be an option, of course, but who knew when it came to him.
My head fell back, my eyes to the night sky, where I could barely make out any stars tonight.
Clouds rolled along in the darkness, and it was a full moon.
I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about a full moon all those months ago.
The full moon that guided me along in the woods as a masked stranger chased me without a care in the world.
Back before I knew my father was trying to get me killed or steal every dime I had.
Back when I thought my mother just generally didn’t enjoy me.
When I thought my brothers were little shits who wouldn’t hold a job more than a few months, and that my Grandpa Joe was the only one in my life to ever really love me.
But it was also before I felt true love—and not just in Wyatt, but in his family.
It was before I’d felt the love Abby Carragan gave out so freely.
Before I joked and teased with Theo and played pool with Payton.
Before I made donuts with Hudson and counted the seconds it took Oliver to down a beer.
Before I knew what it was like to have Aspen and Ivy truly know me and stand in my corner.
Before I held my brother in my arms and squeezed him or saw his name on my phone and smiled.
It was all before Wyatt Carragan got down on his knees and begged me to be his wife.
My mother was right about one thing. Whatever I choose to do with my life? It would be amazing, and it would be with amazing people by my side.