Chapter 4
Chapter Four
June 2010 - Nantucket Island
I n the wake of the final “I do’s,” Jackie successfully avoided her mother. There was too much pomp and circumstance, too many glasses of champagne to drink, too many people to hug and hug again. Wasn’t it so exciting? Weren’t they just a perfect couple? These were the things you said at weddings—regardless of the circumstances.
Jackie wanted to soak up the day. After photographs, she cornered Ryan and hugged him tightly, whispering, “You will be a wonderful husband and father. I love you.” Ryan got so choked up after that that he excused himself to the bathroom, saying, “I don’t want to embarrass myself too much in front of Trisha’s father!”
His absence left Jackie and Trisha alone on a long stretch of beach. The breeze fluttered through Trisha’s pretty dark hair, and she smiled nervously and touched the thin strap of her dress. Suddenly, at that moment, it felt as though Trisha wanted to ask Jackie why she wasn’t fully accepted into the Sutton family; why it had always been strange between them.
How could Jackie respond? We want the world for our son. We want the world for our grandchildren. We’re worried. That’s all.
But as though to answer a question she still hadn’t verbalized, Trisha’s mother, Rhonda, soon stormed up to them, swaying drunkenly and talking about how she’d knocked a vase off a low shelf inside the Sutton Estate.
Trisha’s face was etched with embarrassment. “I’m sure it’s all right, Momma.” She searched Jackie for some sign that it was okay.
Jackie immediately thought of her mother, of how evil she could get when things went wrong. She considered asking Rhonda which vase, exactly, it was. In the Sutton family, that kind of thing mattered.
But before she could, Rhonda reached over and took Jackie’s hand. “We’re family now, Suttons!” she cried. “I wonder if you’ll invite us to your swanky Christmas parties now?”
Jackie could have melted with embarrassment. Trisha’s cheeks were bright red.
“I reckon the old grandmother wouldn’t allow that,” Trisha’s mother said, laughing. “She looks at me like I’m something she wants to throw out. Oh, but I want to tell her what I know for sure.” Rhonda raised her chin. “Ryan and Trisha’s children will love me to pieces. And they won’t love Ms. Dana Sutton. No sirree. Because she isn’t capable of love.”
The words hit Jackie like a smack.
“Are you capable of love, Jackie?” Rhonda asked.
Jackie’s mouth was dry. Slowly, she cupped her elbows and turned back toward the house. Ryan was nowhere in sight.
“I think we’d better get back to the party,” Jackie suggested. Her voice was like a string.
“That sounds good,” Trisha said. “Momma, you ready?”
“Let’s go eat more of that food, honey. This is a party like we’ve never seen. We won’t get invited to another one. Not if I know these Suttons. And I think I do.” The hardness of Rhonda’s voice cut Jackie to the bone.
Back at the reception, Jackie fell in line with Josh and took his hand. Josh was chatting exuberantly with Trisha’s father, a guy named Tommy.
“Tommy’s done some contractor work, too!” Josh announced. “We might try to work together sometime. Isn’t that great?”
Jackie willed herself not to wince. “That’s great. Wow.”
“We’re family now,” Tommy announced, raising his glass.
Jackie imagined telling her mother that Josh and Tommy were working together. She imagined the look on her mother’s face.
Not long after that, the dancing began. Jackie and Josh sat at a table with Dana and Jeremy and Josh’s parents, watching as Trisha and Ryan shared their first dance as a married couple. The song they’d chosen was by Alicia Keys, one Jackie knew Dana didn’t approve of. She’d asked why they couldn’t pick something more practical, more of a classic. But Jackie had put her foot down—yet again—reminding her mother that Ryan and Trisha were the ones getting married, not Dana.
After that, Jackie was invited to the floor to dance with her son. They’d chosen “In My Life” by the Beatles, and tears filled Jackie’s eyes as they swayed.
“I’m proud of you, Ryan,” she told him. She felt she was repeating herself, but she didn’t care.
Ryan tilted his head as though he wanted to ask a question but was too frightened.
“You know you can talk to me about anything,” she told him.
Ryan’s smile was secretive. Suddenly, Jackie was struck with the notion that her son wasn’t fully her son anymore. First and foremost, he was married to Trisha. Everything he did now would be for his future family.
It was how she’d raised him.
Trisha and her father danced to a country song Jackie had never heard. In the middle, Dana got up and stormed into the mansion, presumably to clean her ears of the twang. But the father-daughter dance was really quite sweet. You could see how much Trisha and her father loved each other. You could see that Tommy had done his best to raise a kind and considerate and beautiful daughter. He’d done so well, in fact, that she’d gone on to marry a Sutton. That was really something around here. They were Nantucket royalty.
When the floor opened for everyone, a shadow poured over Jackie’s glass of champagne. She turned to find her father, Jeremy Sutton. He was smiling down at her.
“May I invite the mother of the groom to a dance?”
Jackie’s heart lifted. “I couldn’t say no to that!”
As she followed her father out on the dance floor, her mind’s eye filled with images of her own wedding day so many years ago, when she and her father had danced to “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac—much to her mother’s chagrin. Why can’t you pick something more classic? That had been Dana’s refrain back then, too. But the song had been a favorite of both Jeremy and Jackie. They’d danced and sung the lyrics. There hadn’t been a dry eye in the audience.
Now, their dance began uneasily. They hadn’t been quite this close since Robin’s wedding a few years back. Jackie struggled to look her father in the eye. Was she worried about what she’d see there? Was he going to reprimand her for not stopping the marriage between Ryan and Trisha when she could?
Not that I could have! Not that I want that kind of power!
But when she forced herself to look at her father, all she saw was kindness. All she saw was love.
“Dad?” she whispered.
“What is it, sweetie?”
“Do you think I did the wrong thing? Should I have pushed back on this? Should I have—you know—told Ryan it’s the wrong family to link up with?”
She said everything as carefully and as quietly as she could. She was sure she blended in with the music. She was sure she wasn’t heard.
Jeremy raised his eyebrows and studied the wide stretch of blue overhead. It was still a few hours before sunset—hours set aside for celebration before fireworks would explode over the Nantucket Sound.
“Honey, you know as well as I do that we can’t control our children,” Jeremy said.
Jackie’s heart softened. “That’s what I’ve been thinking all day.”
Jeremy smiled. “Have you seen our boy? He looks happy as a clam. He’s in love with that girl. Who are we to say it’s wrong?”
“Right! We’re not.” Jackie hung her head. “Mom is so upset. I never know what to say. Oh, but you probably know all of this. She’s probably talked your ear off.”
Jeremy’s eyes twinkled. “Your mother is a complicated woman. But she loves fiercely. She just needs a little time sometimes. She needs to get used to things.” He paused and furrowed his brow. “You know, my mother didn’t want me to marry Dana.”
Jackie gasped. “You’re kidding!”
“I wish I was. It was a nightmare for me. I loved my mother, and I was very loyal to her. But when I met Dana, I knew she was the one. I could feel it. Nobody could talk me out of it. I was very clear on that.”
“What did Mom do? How did she handle it?”
“My mother cried at the wedding,” Jeremy remembered with a laugh. “Dana ran off to fetch some tissues. I’ll never forget what she said. ‘You better take the entire box, Mrs. Sutton. I’m going to be here for a long time.’” Jeremy erupted with laughter. “She handed it over and put her hands on her hips and just stared, smiling, at my mother as my mother sobbed. I’ve never felt more like a child in my life. Two powerful women already in a feud. I was done for.”
“That sounds like Mom,” Jackie said, closing her eyes and imagining her mother as a blushing bride—so many years ago.
“But they got used to each other,” Jeremy continued, his smile fading. Presumably, he was thinking of his own mother, whom they’d buried a few years back.
What an awful thing to lose a parent , Jackie thought. She was grateful for her father’s and mother’s continued health. She was grateful she lived just across the island and was available to help them at the drop of a hat—not that Dana would ever admit to needing help.
After the song, Jeremy excused himself inside and left Jackie to her own devices. Grabbing a glass of water from the bar, she watched Trisha’s family hunkered over their separate tables on the opposite end of the lawn, swinging around their bottles of beer and talking all over each other. Trisha was in their midst, her expensive dress especially glossy next to their ratty clothes. What had Ryan seen in Trisha when they’d first met? What told him she was the one?
Josh sidled up with a glass of beer and a big smile. “Penny for your thoughts?”
Jackie breathed easier with her husband beside her. “I was just trying to remember exactly when Ryan and Trisha got together.”
“It was a few summers back,” Josh said. “They met on that sailing trip, right? I remember Ryan talking about how impressive she was as a sailor. He said she was different.” Josh raised his chin. “I knew at that moment he wanted to marry her. When a man says a woman is different, it’s good to pay attention.”
Jackie suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. Josh could sense her hesitance and put his hand on her shoulder, rolling his thumb down the taut muscle until she closed her eyes.
Under his breath, Josh added, “They’re just kids. Let’s give them a chance.”
“I have this horrible idea that her family is inside the house, trying to steal anything they can get their hands on,” Jackie said a little too loudly.
Years later, she would remember this moment as one that changed everything.
“Excuse me?” Rhonda appeared on the dance floor, not two feet away. In her right hand, she carried a full glass of bubbling champagne, and in her left hand, she carried an empanada. Her face was drained of color.
Jackie stuttered. In Rhonda’s eyes, she saw pain and anger. It was clear she’d heard Jackie. It was clear that now she knew exactly what Jackie thought of Trisha’s family.
Rhonda took another dramatic step forward. Now, the tip of her nose was about two inches away from Jackie’s. Sweat bubbled on the back of Jackie’s neck.
What have I done? she thought. She searched her mind for an excuse—a way out of this. But there was nothing.
“Do you want to repeat what you said?” Rhonda bellowed.
Jackie’s smile felt fake and thin. “Rhonda, I—”
“Hey, Tommy! Trisha! Do you want to know what your new mother-in-law said about us?” Rhonda called across the crowd.
Jackie felt her soul dry out and fade away. At the family table, she could see her mother, her face pained, her eyes like two black beads. Dana had wanted Jackie to stop the marriage before it had begun. She hadn’t wanted Jackie to triple the Sutton family’s embarrassment.
Later, Jackie knew her mother would make her pay for this. Why can’t you keep your mouth shut, Jackie? Or did you forget that you were around people? Did you forget we’d invited three hundred of our closest friends and family and peers to this godforsaken wedding?
Time felt like it was moving too slowly. Jackie closed her eyes, willing it to jump to evening. But when she opened them again, Rhonda was even closer, ready to spit vitriol.
Josh was trying to talk her down. “Rhonda, I really think there’s been a misunderstanding.”
“Do you want to explain to me exactly what your wife said?” Rhonda bellowed. “Do you want to explain why she always looks at me like I’m a piece of trash? Does she think we Reeds don’t earn our money the same way as everybody else? No, we didn’t ‘inherit millions,’ the way you Suttons always seem to. But we fought our way from nothing. We moved to Nantucket to make it, and heck, we’ve made it.”
Jackie felt woozy. “You have a wonderful family,” she tried. But it sounded limp.
“Don’t,” Rhonda ordered.
Suddenly, there was a cry of alarm. Jackie recognized the sound immediately as her mother’s. She whipped around, preparing herself to see her mother’s anger. But instead, Dana’s face echoed only shock. She was staring down at the ground, and then she disappeared, dropping to her knees.
“Is there a doctor here?” somebody cried.
Jackie’s heart stopped beating. Abandoning Rhonda, she barreled through the crowd to find her father, her big-hearted and wonderful and kind father, her father with soft hands and solid promises, keeled over on the grass. His hand was over his chest, and he struggled to breathe.
“Call the ambulance!” Jackie called. But somebody already had.
Jackie was on her knees beside her father. Dana was on the opposite side, speaking to him calmly as though it was morning and the two of them had just woken up.
“Jeremy, it’s Dana. It’s me. Can you hear me?” Dana whispered.
“Dana, honey?” Jeremy sounded confused and inarticulate. He let himself fall to the grass and put his head down. “It hurts, honey.” His eyes searched the cloudless sky until Dana helped shift his face toward hers.
The way Jeremy looked at Dana now split Jackie’s heart. He looked at her as though Dana was the only sunshine he’d ever known. He looked at her as though he’d never known anyone or anything else. With the hand he didn’t have on his chest, he squeezed two of hers. His face was losing color. In the distance were the razor-sharp sounds of the ambulance. A crowd circled them but kept their distance, wanting to give Dana and Jeremy space.
“Daddy?” Jackie said. “What does it feel like?”
Jeremy’s eyes were cloudy and distant. He struggled to shift his gaze from Dana to Jackie, and when he did, Jackie wasn’t entirely sure he knew who she was.
“My mother is here,” Jeremy breathed.
This struck Jackie as terribly alarming. But it wasn’t till later that she realized why he’d said it. Jackie and his mother, Felicity, looked similar. Had they not been born fifty years apart, they might have looked like sisters.
The EMTs rushed through the wedding reception crowd and checked Jeremy’s vitals, then put him on the stretcher. Everything happened very quickly after that. Jackie felt more sober than she ever had in her life, but Josh demanded that he drive her and her mother to the hospital because he’d “only had half a beer.” Jackie didn’t have time to think. Suddenly, she was in the back seat of Josh’s truck, holding her mother’s hand as they raced after the ambulance.
“He’s going to be okay, Mom,” she told Dana over and over again. “You’ve taken such good care of him over the years.”
Dana kept her eyes on the rolling landscape out the window. It was still one of the more remarkably beautiful days Jackie had ever seen. But her father’s incident—a heart attack? A stroke? —made the colors look like a Technicolor nightmare. It should be raining. It should be hailing. It should match the mood of the day.
“I took care of him,” Dana muttered, tugging at the fabric of her dress. “His mother never thought I could. But I could. I always did. I still will.”
“You still will,” Jackie affirmed. “And he takes care of you, too.”
It was important to Jackie to maintain the present tense.
But thirty minutes after Jeremy Sutton was taken to the hospital, he was pronounced dead. Cause of death was a heart attack.
The moment the doctor announced what had happened, Jackie crumpled into Josh’s arms. But Dana remained upright and regal, looking at the doctor in a way that reminded Jackie of a big hunting bird, like an eagle. Dana looked at the doctor as though she planned to attack and eat him. She looked at him as though she didn’t believe him at all.