Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
February 2025 - Nantucket Island
F or days, Jackie had been jittery and unable to sleep. She sat at the kitchen table with a mug of tea she forgot to drink before it went cold, watching her phone, waiting to hear from Ryan about where he, Trisha, and the kids had ended up as they trekked from Chicago back to Nantucket. Jackie was following along on the map, and it seemed an awful long way. Why had he moved so far? Sometimes Jackie woke up thinking they weren’t going to make it. Sometimes she woke up thinking she’d made the story all up in her head. Maybe she’d dreamed it. But she had only to read back over the messages she and Ryan had exchanged, ones in which they’d made new promises and new arrangements—ones, she hoped, would benefit both of them—to reckon with her new truth.
She was going to know her grandchildren.
She was going to welcome Trisha with open arms.
On that fateful day, when Jackie had finally called him back, Ryan answered on the third ring. He sounded so low, so sad, so broken that tears had rushed down Jackie’s cheeks. As a mother, she was willing to do anything to help Ryan out of his current predicament. To lend insight. To give him hope. And as a real estate agent and person on the brink of her own misery, she needed his help, too.
She hadn’t fully pitched it like that, though. She didn’t want him to know just how desperate things had gotten for her, too. Instead, she’d said, “Ryan, the Sutton Estate is empty and waiting for you and your family whenever you want it.”
Ryan had been at a loss. “Are you sure?”
“You’re a Sutton, honey. Your children are Suttons.” She’d paused before adding, “Your wife is a Sutton.”
“It’s so generous, Mom. This place we’ve been living in, it’s not that nice. That’s putting it lightly.” He’d sounded so ashamed, then added, “I can’t believe the Sutton Estate is empty.”
She’d steeled herself and said, “Well, it’s possible we’ll sell the property down the line. But I want to avoid that at all costs.”
“Sell it?” Ryan had sounded surprised.
“Real estate isn’t what it used to be,” she’d lied. “But I could use your help. I’m not as young as I once was, and you’re a brilliant marketer.”
“What are you saying?” he’d asked as though he couldn’t fully believe it.
“Go into business with me. If everything goes well, you can take over when I retire and keep Sutton Real Estate going. When things are good, they’re really good. Trust me.”
It was incredible to hear herself say it. It almost made her believe it was possible.
She did not tell him about the loss of millions. She did not tell him about the bad business advice. She just wanted him to come home.
Suddenly, there was a way forward together.
Tonight, the first night of Ryan’s return, Jackie was in the kitchen with a mug of tea, looking over the spreadsheets she’d sent Sandy, the new business adviser. She hadn’t yet told Sandy about her decision to hire her son. But more houses sold equaled more benefits for Sutton Real Estate, surely. Maybe if Ryan and Jackie sold enough houses late winter and into spring, Sandy would say, Problem solved! You can keep the Sutton Estate! Retirement, here I come!
Of course, Ryan had never worked in real estate before. As far as Jackie knew, all he’d done for work post-college involved marketing and sales from the safety of a desk. Real estate was different. It was real-time sales. You had to charm the clients. You had to make them believe in a future you wrote for them. More than that, you had to make them believe they’d come up with that future themselves.
They couldn’t feel you were manipulating them—even if that manipulation was in everybody’s best interest.
But tonight, Jackie was going crazy. All she wanted to do was jump in the car and go to the Sutton Estate. Ryan, Trisha, and the grandkids had reached Nantucket earlier that afternoon. But Ryan had asked for a day to unwind before seeing her. He suggested they’d need space.
It broke Jackie’s heart. But she understood, sort of. So much had happened.
Although, if she was really honest, Jackie’s memory blurred on the specifics of everything that had gone wrong. All that remained was her broken heart and her urgent desire to make things right.
But where was Josh? It suddenly occurred to her that she’d sent Josh to the grocery store more than an hour ago. Snow whirled past the window and coated the back patio in white. It was bound to get rough out there. That was what the news and the radio and all of Jackie’s friends were saying. Again, she checked her phone, but there wasn’t a message—not from Josh or Ryan. Feeling on the brink of insanity, she called Robin, but Robin didn’t answer and texted back that she was in the midst of a “homework meltdown with the kids.”
Jackie bit her lip and called Josh. He didn’t answer, either. What was going on?
Feeling like a little kid, Jackie stomped her foot. As though the island wanted to answer back, a mad wind rushed against the house and made everything creak. It felt as though the house was going to fall apart.
I can’t be alone like this! she thought, trying and failing to laugh at herself. I’m a little old woman! This couldn’t have been further from the truth, but the thought of it made her smile. She was Dana Sutton’s daughter. She’d never been helpless.
Finally, she texted Josh a series of increasingly frantic messages.
JACKIE: Where are you?
JACKIE: I don’t understand why you’re ignoring me.
JACKIE: The storm looks bad.
JACKIE: Please call me back when you can.
Fifteen infuriating minutes later, Josh called back. Jackie picked up the second her phone lit up.
“Hello?” She sounded angrier than she meant to.
“Jackie, hey!” Josh sounded strained.
“Are you all right? What happened?”
Josh laughed nervously. Something was certainly up. “It’s a funny thing. Um…”
There was a long pause. Jackie was on her feet. “Josh?”
“Okay, he’s telling me it’s okay to tell you. I ran into Ryan at the store.”
Jackie’s heart was pounding. She had to sit back down. “You’re with him?”
“We’re at a bar watching the snow fall and enjoying a beer,” Josh explained. “We’re catching up, aren’t we, Ryan?”
Jackie could hear Ryan’s voice somewhere in the din of the bar. Her eyes smarted.
Oh. My son. He’s here. He’s actually here.
“He’s looking forward to seeing you tomorrow,” Josh said.
Jackie’s voice was meek. “Could I come to the bar?” Please. Please.
She’d never wanted anything more in her life.
“Let me ask.” Josh covered the mouthpiece with his hand and asked Ryan a seemingly simple question. Could his mother come see him in a public place? It was ridiculous.
Jackie couldn’t breathe.
“Ryan’s halfway through a glass of beer and eager to have you over after that,” Josh said into the phone. Jackie could hear the smile in his voice. “You want to meet us at the grand old Sutton Estate in a half hour or so?”
Jackie’s voice wavered. “Will the kids be awake?”
“It’s not too late for that,” Josh assured her.
“Okay. Okay.” Jackie felt rushed. “I love you.” She hung up the phone without waiting to hear back.
She was in a panic. Rushing upstairs, she threw things out of the closet, looking for the perfect outfit. A pair of jeans and a sweater? Could it really be so simple? She added a touch of lipstick and removed it immediately after, feeling foolish. The mirror echoed back a woman fourteen years older than the one Ryan and Trisha had left behind. She wasn’t so much younger than Dana Sutton had been on Ryan and Trisha’s wedding day. But I’m different! I’ve changed! Jackie wanted to tell them.
She couldn’t say it immediately. She couldn’t scare them away.
As Jackie drove to the Sutton Estate, she reckoned with the fact that Ryan had probably not asked Trisha’s permission to have his parents over tonight. Trisha probably wanted a day with just her family, and Ryan had half a beer with his dad and gotten soft. Jackie checked in the rearview to make sure the cookies she’d baked were back there, along with the bottles of wine she’d picked up from the wine bar up the road. She was well-stocked and ready to be a grandmother and mother-in-law and friend.
The Sutton Estate glowed orange against the snowy black night. Just as it always had. Everything will return to how it was , Jackie thought although that was ridiculous. As she neared the driveway, she noted that Josh’s vehicle was there alongside two other cars. It meant they were waiting for her.
But the snowfall had intensified in the half hour since Josh’s call. Jackie was too distracted to account for it. But when Jackie turned the steering wheel to enter the driveway, just as she had thousands of times before, the snow sent her on a wild skid. Suddenly, the nose of her car crunched the mailbox. She was nose first in the ditch!
Jackie’s ears rang. But the drop had been slow and steady. She was uninjured. Just embarrassed. Was this really how she would re-enter the lives of Ryan, Trisha, and the kids? She pulled the gear into reverse and pressed the gas, but all that did was spin her wheels through the snow and send slush flying. Shoot. She was stuck. Jackie cut the engine and put her face in her hands. She should have honored Ryan and Trisha’s wishes. She should have stayed home till tomorrow.
Jackie sat in the darkness for a long time and contemplated what to do. Chill crept under the layers of her coat and sweater. She considered turning the heat back on.
But suddenly, the front door burst open and cast the house’s warm orange light across the snow on the front porch. After that, three bundled-up children came out into the snow, kicking their feet up. Their laughter rang out. Jackie’s heart seized.
Two boys and a girl. Gavin, Rudy, and Willa.
Tears filled her eyes. My grandkids.
Now, Jackie couldn’t stop herself. She shoved the door open with all her strength and stepped into the snow. When the children spotted the car and the woman crawling out of it, they ran over to her, laughing and asking questions.
“What happened?” the older boy, Gavin, asked.
“Was there an accident?” Rudy asked.
“Are you bleeding?” Willa asked.
They stood in a line and peered up at her. Jackie took in each of their beautiful faces and felt her heart fill with wonder. According to Ryan, Willa had been diagnosed with a difficult form of autism that made it challenging for her to have a normal life. But here in the snow, Willa looked just like every other little girl, eager to play. She dropped down to fill her mittens with snow and said, “I want to make a snowman!”
Jackie laughed. “It’s wet enough. It’s good for packing. Wait, let me get my gloves. I’ll help.”
Jackie sped back to her car, searched the back seat for her gloves, and returned to find her grandchildren hunkered down, preparing the base of a snowman. They still hadn’t asked who she was. Did they already know? Jackie didn’t want to frighten them. She glanced at the front door, where she saw flashing shadows and what looked to be Josh, pulling on his coat and talking exuberantly. Very soon after, Josh and a man Jackie recognized as forty-one-year-old Ryan appeared on the front porch. Jackie leaped into the air.
“What happened?” Josh cried as they approached.
“What?” Jackie couldn’t for the life of her understand what he meant.
Josh pointed at the car in the ditch. Jackie cackled and waved her hand. Embarrassment was the furthest thing from her mind now that she was piling snow upon a snowman’s lower body and listening to her grandchildren’s laughter.
“I made a bad turn.” Jackie shrugged. “That’s all.”
“She’s not bleeding!” Willa called.
“That’s a relief.” Ryan stopped a few feet away from the snowman-building site and looked at Jackie.
Ryan’s eyes were the same as they’d always been: curious, introspective, eager. The sight of them ripped Jackie back through time. It reminded her of being twentysomething again, guiding her toddler through a big and beautiful world.
Jackie tore through the snow to throw her arms around her son. Her heart pumped so loudly that the sound of it filled her ears. Tears froze on her cheeks. Ryan hugged her back with his head on her shoulder. They were wordless.
“Dad?” Rudy interrupted them.
Ryan and Jackie broke their hug and turned around to look at Ryan’s youngest.
“What is it, buddy?” Ryan asked.
“Is that Grandma?” Rudy asked.
Jackie, Ryan, and Josh laughed gently.
“Yes,” Ryan affirmed. “This is your grandmother. My mom.”
The word mom rang in the air like the most wonderful bell.
For a moment, Rudy, Willa, and Gavin assessed Jackie with fresh eyes. When they were satisfied, they returned their attention to their snowman, working seamlessly. Jackie noticed that when Willa grew nervous or anxious, her brothers had an easy way with her, guiding her back to the process at hand.
“I thought they needed me,” Jackie said of the snowman construction, “but I think they have it handled.”
“They have a system,” Ryan affirmed.
It was difficult for Jackie to imagine what winters were like in Chicago. But she guessed that being so close to Lake Michigan probably lent for wicked white winters and thick walls of snow.
A shiver went down Jackie’s spine. A part of her longed to remain in the dark white forever. Another part of her yearned for a mug of hot cocoa by the fire with her son.
She twisted to look up at him. “I’m sorry. We weren’t supposed to come till tomorrow.”
Ryan waved his hand. “Running into Dad put things in perspective.”
Meaning what? Jackie wondered. Meaning how much he missed us?
“It was a long trip,” Ryan affirmed, maybe because he didn’t know what else to say.
The kids finished the body of the snowman and put a tiny head on it. Jackie helped them fit the face with two spare buttons she kept in her coat pocket and a couple of sticks for a mouth and a nose. The expression was vaguely grim, but it was all they could manage with limited time. It was getting late. It was getting cold.
As they entered the Sutton Estate, the six of them stomped their boots of snow and took off all their layers, throwing them on a rack to dry, just as they always had when Jackie was a girl. Her heart was heavy with nostalgia.
“I’ll make cocoa,” she announced to her grandchildren, grateful to take care of them.
“Yes!” Rudy cried.
Before entering the kitchen, Jackie steeled herself, preparing to see Trisha for the first time. But she wasn’t there, either. Where was she? Jackie allowed herself a jolt of hope—that maybe Ryan had left Trisha behind in Chicago. But of course that was ridiculous. Trisha was the children’s mother. Trisha wouldn’t have allowed that.
Ryan read Jackie’s face and answered softly as the water boiled. “She’s really tired,” he explained. “She made up the bed and is already fast asleep.”
Jackie smiled with relief. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through the past few days.”
Ryan palmed the back of his neck. Jackie wondered if there would ever be a day when conversations between them wouldn’t feel so strained. Give it time , she told herself.
But then her mind added, We don’t have so much time anymore.
“Listen.” Ryan gestured to the snow outside. “I don’t want you to drive home in this.”
“Your mother can’t drive home in this,” Josh said, entering the kitchen with a big smile.
“Ha. Ha.” Jackie rolled her eyes.
“Why don’t you spend the night?” Ryan suggested.
All three children raised their arms and cried, “Sleepover!”
“We can have a big breakfast tomorrow,” Willa informed Jackie. “We always do when there’s a sleepover.”
“That sounds great to me,” Jackie said.
At this moment, she felt as though she was wrapped in this most delicious and warm of hugs. But she knew in the morning everything was apt to change. The Sutton Estate was momentarily, but necessarily—Trisha’s home. Jackie needed to respect that.