19. The Present
The Present
Carla
I wrapMallory’s cardigan around my midsection and tie the straps in a tight bow. As much as I’m loving the gorgeous colors of October in New York, I’m not prepared for the chilly temperatures. Mental note: I need a new wardrobe.
The gym door opens and I shiver again.
“Hi. I’m here to see TJ. My name is Sam.”
“Hi, Sam. Let me get him for you.” I rap my knuckles against TJ’s office door and peek my head inside.
Oh, holy hell. He’s sitting at his desk, writing in a notebook, wearing the sexiest pair of black-framed glasses. Forget Superman. Hello, Clark Kent.
“I didn’t know you wear glasses.”
“I told you I’m getting old.”
I laugh. “Sam’s here to see you.”
He slides his glasses off and sets them on the desk. “It’s been a while since I’ve written in a journal,” he says, closing the notebook. “You inspired me to start writing again.”
“What made you stop?”
His shoulders lift. “Life.”
Right. Vague, one-word answers. Must be Tuesday.
I help Sam fill out his paperwork while TJ sets up their equipment.
Sam looks like a regular gym-goer. In his twenties. Decent build. But when I look closer, I notice he’s a bit different.
His eyes blink more often than everyone else’s. His eyebrows repetitively pinch together while he’s speaking. The muscles in his arms contract as he clenches his fists over and over again. Sometimes, he’ll make a sound like something’s stuck in his throat and he has to keep clearing it.
When he’s sparring with TJ, you’d never see it. His body is busy and his mind is concentrating on the task at hand. It’s when he takes a break, or talks. That’s when it happens.
Toward the end of each of TJ’s sessions, he sits in the middle of the ring with his clients and talks to them. They hang on to his every word. I can’t blame them. I’m enamored by his commanding presence even when he’s just talking about the weather.
I start by racking the dumbbells, my ears straining to catch snippets of their conversation. Then I walk around the ring, taking the long way to the opposite side of the gym to clean the mirrors. When I circle back, I’m caught.
“Vulture or shark?” TJ calls.
My spine stiffens and my nose scrunches. “Huh?”
“Sam here wants to know why the pretty girl is circling us like a vulture. I told him you remind me more of a shark. So, which one is it?”
My cheeks flame. “I’m sorry, Sam. Didn’t mean to interrupt your session.”
Sam’s fist knocks against his leg several times as he smiles. “That’s okay,” he says, clearing his throat. “You’re much easier on the eyes than this guy. Couldn’t help myself.”
TJ chuckles. “Not gonna argue with you on that.”
I lean my elbows onto the mat outside the ring and smile. “How did you like your first session?”
“I loved it. I really think it’s going to help me.”
“Sam has Tourette’s,” TJ says. “Studies have shown that exercise can lessen the severity of his tics.”
“Tics?”
“My body performs these frequent movements,” Sam says. “Kind of like constant twitches.”
“And you can’t stop them?”
He shakes his head. “They’re involuntary. They get worse as my emotions heighten.”
“Like if you’re nervous or excited?”
“Exactly.”
I frown. “That must be hard.”
“Was made fun of every day growing up. Even my dad didn’t understand it. People still stare at me like I’m a freak.”
“You’re not a freak. They’re the freaks for being so rude.”
TJ claps Sam on the back. “Now he’s taking control of his life and learning how to rise above all those judgmental pricks.”
“You’re in good hands.” I offer Sam a reassuring smile and a wave before heading back to work.
Twenty minutes later, TJ’s saying goodbye to Sam and walking him to the door. He comes around the desk and hovers too close to where I stand, leaning his hip against the counter beside me. “Sam’s smitten with you.”
I laugh and shake my head. “He’s sweet.”
“I want you to teach that yoga class. You’d be great at it.”
“How do you know? I could be horrible at yoga and you’d have no idea.”
He grins like he’s won. “You’re right. So teach me and I’ll see for myself.”
“You want me to teach you how to do yoga?”
“Yes. Tonight.”
“Now breathein through your nose. Allow your stomach to expand as it fills with oxygen. Focus on your breathing. Keep your chin up. Shoulders down away from your ears.”
“How am I supposed to keep my shoulders down when my arms are up over my head?” TJ asks, cracking one eye open.
“Watch me.” I raise my arms straight above me and drop my shoulders. “Your shoulders are tight. That’s where you carry your stress. Try to be conscious of how you’re carrying yourself.”
“You’re very observant.”
“Yoga taught me to be more aware of my body’s reaction to stress. Once you catch it, you can correct it.”
“Shoulders down. Got it. What’s next?”
“Open your arms like this, and swivel on your back leg.”
TJ swivels but loses his balance. His thick arms flail as he tries to regain his stance. “Almost got it.”
My teeth dig into my bottom lip. “You okay?”
“Pfft. I’m fine. I’m a natural.”
I step closer to him and adjust the position of his leg. Then I place my hands on his waist to tilt his body. “Keep your arms out, wide and straight.”
His gaze weighs on me but I don’t dare look up when we’re this close. His stomach muscles clench under my fingers and it takes all the strength in me to keep them from roaming over his sculpted body.
“Keep breathing,” I say, though it’s more for my sake than his.
“What’s this move called?” His breath dances along my skin, lips inches away.
“Warrior Two. This one’s my favorite.”
“Why’s that?”
“It makes me feel strong.”
“You are strong. And you could help other people find their strength with this class.”
“How did you become so strong?”
“Why do you always ask so many questions?”
“Maybe it’s because you answer every question with another question.”
“Maybe I don’t like to talk about my past.”
“Maybe that’s your problem.”
“I have a problem? Didn’t realize. Good thing you’re here to tell me.”
“Yeah, good thing. Otherwise you might not have anyone in your life with enough balls to tell you what a hypocrite you’re being.”
His arms cross over his chest and I know I’ve struck a nerve. “How am I a hypocrite?”
“You want me to open up to you about all my problems, yet you snap at me whenever I ask something about you. You help all these people who come in here and make them bare their souls to you, but God forbid you do the same. Maybe you’re the one who needs a good training session. Practice what you preach.”
TJ’s jaw works under his skin. He’s quiet and I lose all hope of getting a response … until he speaks. “You’re right.”
“Really?” I clear my throat. “I mean, yes. Of course I am.”
“What do you want to know?”
“We don’t have to do this right now.”
“Come on. Now’s your chance.” He lowers himself to the floor and sits, patting the space next to him.
“Fine.” I sit facing him. “Who’s trying to contact you from jail?”
“My dad.”
“What does he want?”
“Don’t know, don’t care.”
“You aren’t curious?”
“There’s nothing he could say that I’d want to hear.”
“What did he do … to get put in prison?”
He lets out a long exhale. “He committed second-degree murder.”
Wow. Wasn’t expecting that. “When was the last time you saw him?”
“The day the police took him away in handcuffs. Twelve years ago.”
“Has he tried to reach out to you before?”
“No.”
“So why now, after all this time?”
“Like I said before: Don’t know, don’t care.”
Silence settles between us, though my mind is loud and chaotic.
“Feel better now?” he asks.
“Not exactly, no. But this isn’t about making me feel better. This is about you. You’re so closed off. Your dad committed a crime, yet you’re the one who’s acting like you’re locked up because of it. It’s not right.”
“You don’t know what my life has been like.”
“What about where your life is going? What about the future? You’re the one who told me I need to live in the present, yet here you are letting your past dictate the way your life turns out.”
He shakes his head. “I’m good where I’m at right now. My future? This is it for me. Don’t try to make this anything more.”
I tried to crack open the door to TJ’s life, but he just slammed it in my face. I might’ve learned about a piece of his past, yet it only makes things more confusing.
I remain where I am while I watch him stand and walk out of the room.