14. AVERY
AVERY
The steam from the bath fills the room as I pour in some of Iris’s favorite bath milk. It smells like toasted marshmallows and vanilla. Any other child would be calmed by something herbal or floral, but I think Jo is right. Iris is all sugar; she’s sweet from the inside out.
Stripping her off while she’s sitting on the vanity, I pull the knots on either side of her head loose.
“You know, I think we might have to get your hair cut soon.”
“I want to grow it out like a mermaid.” Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes, and it makes me want to cuddle her into me and never let her go.
Iris is mine to protect and to nurture, and for years, I failed her. Now, I need to fix the damage I’ve caused.
“I think mermaid hair would look beautiful.”
Lifting a tad more, her smile melts my heart. I almost feel like the best mom in the world for brightening her expression when she’s still visibly upset.
“Scarlett will be back soon,” I chirp, hoping it’ll make her feel better. Bring back some of the happiness from earlier. “Are you excited?”
“I wanna stay here with Doc and Jojo. I don’t want to leave.” Heavy tears sluice down her pretty face, tracking her cheeks. “I don’t want to go home, and I don’t want my daddy to be mine anymore. He’s mean.”
“Oh, baby, I know you’re sad and scared, but it’s going to be okay. Mommy is going to fix everything.”
I don’t know how yet, but I will. Starting with the divorce papers Carl burnt today.
“And we’re gonna stay?”
“Iris…this isn’t our—” I pause at the realization that I’m more at home here than I’ve ever been in our perfect house in DC. I haven’t felt this at home since I moved out of my parents’ house. “You have school and peewee swimmers in Washington, and Mommy has her job.”
“But there’s an aquarium here too. Scarlett said it’s big and that there are lots of fish and tanks.”
“How about we go see it for ourselves and we’ll see how we feel afterward?”
“I never want to go back. I don’t even like peewee swimmers—surfing is a lot more fun, and Doc said he’ll take me anytime I want.”
“You love swimming.” I try to catch her gaze as she looks down at her lap and shakes her head. “I bet they have a peewee club here too.”
“So we don’t have to go back, do we? I can go to Scout’s school, and we can be in the same class, so if you have to work, Callie can take me home.”
Oh man, she’s clearly been thinking about this and talking it over with Scarlett because between the two of them, they have it all figured out.
I wish it were as easy as they think, but I have a contract to see through in DC, and everything is there.
We have a house waiting for us that’s full of good memories and ready for more.
Picking her up, I take her over to the bath and lower her into it, chuckling at the way she lies back and hums happily.
“If we stay, we would have to find our own place to live. We couldn’t stay with Callie and Rowan forever.”
“I know, but maybe we could find a house on the beach that would make you happy, like Doc makes you happy when he tells you jokes.”
Iris closes her eyes, visibly relaxing as I cup some water over her exposed shoulders.
“You make me very happy.”
“But Doc makes you look more happy, like when he kisses you.”
Thrown by her statement, I fluster for what to say and how to react.
“Rhett doesn’t kiss me,” I tell her hoarsely with the way my throat swells in my panic.
“Sure he does.” Quirking her brow, she opens one eye to look at me. “I saw him kissing you at his house.”
“Umm…”
“Remember when you were in the garden?”
“Mmhmm…”
“Silly Mommy,” she giggles. “You were smiling, and that means you liked it. Doesn’t it?”
“Well…”
“Didn’t you like it?”
“Yes, I guess I did.” At my reply, she shuts her eyes again.
“Doc says you have a pretty smile,” Iris tells me as I sit on the floor, leaning back onto the bath. “That it’s precious.”
“You like Rhett, huh?” I tip my head back and close my eyes, remembering what it felt like when he kissed my cheeks.
With my heart thrumming at the mere memory, I can barely hear when she says, “I wish he was my daddy. He likes me.”
“Iris, baby.” I go up on my knees and turn to find her staring at the ceiling with tears in her eyes. “You have a daddy.”
“But he’s mean,” she rasps with a twist to her face. “And he shouted and hit you.”
“He made a bad decision, and just because we had a fight, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.”
“Jo says that when you love someone, you don’t hurt them.
” Her eyes flicker to mine before glancing down her nose at the bubbly surface of the water.
“He never goes to watch me swim, and he didn’t show up for the father-daughter picnic at my school.
I had to sit with my teacher until you came to get me. ”
“Sometimes adults forget things.”
“You never forget. Rhett promised to take me surfing, and he did it. Jo doesn’t yell at me when I’m clumsy. I want a daddy like Scout’s…Rowan plays with her all the time.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” I murmur, swallowing down the hurt and tears that threaten to overwhelm me.
“I don’t want to go back,” she tells me again.
“Okay.” I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but I’ll do anything to make her happy, and if staying will do that… “We don’t have to go back.”
“Promise?”
“I promise I’ll do everything I can to make you happy, sweetie.”
“So we can get a house next to Doc’s on the beach? That way he can take me surfing all the time.”
“How about we slow down on the plans and go help Jo make the apple pies?”
“Okay, but I can go to Scout’s school?”
“I’ll look into it.”
“When we get our house, can we get our own puppy?
“Umm…Iris, slow down.”
“It’s only a puppy—we can take it for walks on the beach. Doc loves all the animals.”
“But it would be our puppy, so it would live with us, not with Doc.”
“I know, but it would mean he would come see us all the time like he comes to see Jo.”
“I think he would come and see you even if we didn’t have a puppy.”
“Silly Mommy. He would come and see you too, and tell you jokes and give you kisses.”
I go about bathing her while trying to contain the butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
This wasn’t how I imagined this conversation would go.
Iris has always been perceptive, but I had no idea that she had been thinking so hard about things.
I thought I’d done an okay job of smoothing over all of Carl’s carelessness and neglect, but it appears that I was wrong.
And I’m going to make up for it as best as I can.
The kitchen island is lined with more apple pies than I’ve seen in my whole life. Each small pie looks beautiful with its lattice top and the heart and star shapes that Iris cut out to decorate the edges.
“I can’t believe he had the audacity to show up there,” Nora tells me over the phone as I cover the selection with one of Jo’s large net covers.
“I can,” I scoff as Callie’s loud growl sounds from their end. “Bullshit he wouldn’t!”
Let’s be honest, if he could participate in the bribery of funds and still walk around like he’s done nothing wrong…
“He’s gone now and Rhett didn’t hold back, so I doubt he’ll show up here anytime soon.” Or at least, I hope.
“Make sure you look after yourself and our girl,” she tells me. “I’ll call you soon, or maybe I’ll come visit. It’s been a while since I’ve been to Virginia.”
I can almost hear Callie begging me to put her off, but unlike her, I don’t have it in me. I don’t want to upset Nora, so I tell her, “You know where we are.”
“I do. Take care, darling.”
“You too.”
When she hangs up, I look around the kitchen for something to do to keep distracting myself from today’s shitshow.
After this afternoon, there’s been some tension.
The front door is locked, and when I went to clean up the crap Carl left behind, it was all gone already.
No doubt Rhett did it. He’s been unusually quiet the rest of the day, and I’ve been too embarrassed to talk to him about what happened.
I don’t know whether to thank him or rebuke him for what he did.
A part of me is scared that Carl will retaliate and hurt him because of me.
I don’t want to be the cause of any hurt when it comes to Rhett.
“Hey, sugar,” Jo calls, nodding Iris over. “I have a surprise for you.”
“What is it?” Iris skips to her, abandoning her glass of milk on the counter.
“Since you were saying that you’re going to stay, I thought you might want your own room.”
All Iris could talk about when we were helping with the pies was the conversation we had. How I promised we could stay and get a puppy. I should’ve known she would’ve taken what she wanted from the conversation and gone wild with it.
“Really?” I smile at the excitement in her voice, noticing how she takes each step up the stairs slowly, ahead of Jo, who’s a lot slower using the handrail and her stick.
“Big girls should all have their own pretty rooms,” I hear Jo tell her as they disappear out of sight.
Piling some of the dishes from dinner at one side of the sink, I start rinsing them before loading them into the dishwasher, humming to myself.
“Here, let me help you.” Rhett brings over what is left of the dirty dishes from dinner.
I’m so aware of his presence and the silence around us that I jump out of my skin when a fork falls loudly on a plate. My heart is hammering faster than I can take. With my head spinning, I hold on to the side of the sink, reminding myself to breathe.
“I’m sorry,” he tells me as he takes a measured step back. “It slipped out of my hand.”
It takes me far too long to get myself in check, only managing a forced smile and nod that’s as frantic as my heartbeat.
“It startled me, that’s all,” I manage to pant eventually. It doesn’t even convince me. Still, Rhett nods.
We haven’t been alone since the beach. I made sure of it because it was easier than having to constantly keep myself in check. But now I feel like a fool. Especially after my conversation with Jo. And that one raindrop…maybe it was a sign. Maybe.