Chapter Twenty-Four #4
She nodded shortly and stood up from the chair.
“ ’Tis true. I had gone to London to tell you I was pregnant, but when I saw how consumed you were with Richard and the quest, I knew that it would be futile to divulge the information,” she said, looking at him.
Her brown eyes were filled with sorrow. “You would have gone, anyway. I know you too well, Christopher. And if you hadn’t and stayed simply to marry me so that our child would not have been a bastard, you would not have achieved your auspicious reputation.
So, you see, ’tis a good thing you went after all. ”
He looked stunned. His hand went to his head and he sagged against the wall, mulling over the revelation. “So you didn’t tell me? Amanda, I find this difficult to grasp.”
“I know,” she said softly. “But I did what I thought was best. Father was returning to France and I with him. Should anyone ask about my pregnancy, I simply told them that my husband had been killed in the crusades. An excellent lie, if I do say so.”
He stared at her, slowly shaking his head. “Good Christ, Amanda…where is the child?”
“In France,” she replied softly. “His name is Peter Myles de Vries, my husband’s last name.”
He could only look at her, astonished and seized with a tremendous sense of shock.
She watched the emotions play on the face of a man she had seldom seen emotion from, and it brought her pain anew, as well, even though it had been nearly four years.
God, she had loved this man more than life itself and she had known very well that the feelings were not returned.
Aye, she bore his bastard because she knew it was all she would ever have of him.
The elderly man she eventually married never questioned her about her son’s paternity, and he had loved them both unconditionally.
Although she did not return his love, it was a stable environment for Peter, and her son was her utmost concern.
Yet she didn’t blame Christopher for simply being himself. He was far too independent for a wife, so she thought. Four years had done a lot to ease her bitterness. She went over to him and put her small hands in his massive arms.
“I named him Peter Myles, after my father and yours. He’s the exact image of you, Chris, truly,” she said softly, seeing his shock. “I am sorry, I do not mean to throw this overwhelming news on you, but I felt you should know. ’Tis your right.”
He gazed back at her, his hand enclosing one of hers. “Oh, Amanda, I do not know what to say.”
“Say nothing,” she forced a brave smile. “ ’Tis all past now and you have a bright future with a beautiful young wife to look forward to. She will bear you many strong children, I know it.”
“She is pregnant now,” he whispered as if the thought suddenly occurred to him. “She insists this child is a boy.”
“It probably is,” Amanda agreed. “ ’Tis only right that a de Lohr bear male heirs.”
He was staring off into space, digesting this bit of news that left him shaken to the core. His eyes met Amanda’s brown ones. “I have a son?” he echoed with disbelief.
She nodded, a smile still playing on her lips. “A big, healthy boy with your blond hair. He knows about you, Chris. I felt he had a right to know who his true father was, although my husband has raised him as his own. Peter is a happy, well-mannered boy and you would be verily proud of him.”
He was shocked. He remembered telling Leeton once that if he had a son, he would never let him out of his sight.
Now he discovered he had a son, and he found that demanding access to the child to be the farthest thing from his mind.
His son was a boy, happy, living with his mother and the only father he had ever known.
What right did he have to demand the child be returned to him?
He had no right at all and he would never be so very cruel.
Furthermore, he would never do that to Amanda.
She didn’t have to tell him, but she had out of courtesy and respect.
He would not turn on her like a madman and demand to take her child away.
But his heart ached for his little boy. His son.
Amanda sensed his confusion and knew it was time for her to leave. She patted his hand and kissed him on the cheek. “Good fortune to you, baron, and your new family. I must go now.”
He looked up at her, the sky-blue eyes dark with misery. “Thank you for telling me, Amanda. I am only sorry… sorry we had to go our separate ways. I am sorry you felt that you could not tell me you were pregnant when last we saw each other.”
“It was for the best,” she insisted bravely. “Had you stayed and married me, you would have been miserable. You didn’t love me; you loved Richard. ’Tis better this way, Chris. I would prefer it as such than being married to a man who didn’t want me.”