Chapter Fifty-Five #3
But, God, he loved her. His motives had always been very sincere toward Dustin; he simply loved her.
But David’s words and Christopher’s words seeped into his brain, and even as he tried to fight off their meaning, his common sense and moral character could not deny their correctness.
They were right; they had always been right, and he had been selfish and absorbed.
He had been right when he told Christopher that both of them saw what they wanted to see.
He only saw his love for Dustin and completely disregarded her feelings, as well as Christopher’s.
Only his wants had mattered to him because he was used to having his desires fulfilled.
But Dustin did not want him; she had told him that, but he had chosen to believe that he could make her love him if he tried hard enough.
Mayhap for the first time in his life Marcus realized he could not manipulate the situation to his advantage.
With a stab of pain to his chest, he realized that he had indeed been self-indulgent and ignorant.
God help him, he did not want to let her go, but as much as he loved her, he knew he had to.
His strength drained from his body and he collapsed on the upturned log. He stared into the flames of the pyre for an endless amount of time, weary and defeated.
“I love her,” he murmured slowly. “I was blinded by her beauty, her innocence, her charm. She made me forget all that I am and all that I stand for, and I will tell you now that I am deeply ashamed to admit my guilt. I took it for a game, at first, but my obsession with her grew and I could not control it.” He looked up at Christopher’s sad eyes.
“I will not fight you for her anymore, Chris. I can see now that I have already done enough damage.”
David was shocked to see Marcus fold so quickly. He blinked at his brother, whose expression was one of sorrow.
“I trusted you once and you betrayed me,” Christopher said hoarsely. “I am having difficulty believing you.”
“No doubt,” Marcus said with defeat. “I could swear to you on the Bible, but I think mayhap even that would not be strong enough. If I swear to you on my oath as a knight, will you believe me?”
Christopher looked at the fire, not wanting to doubt Marcus’ oath, for the man was the best knight in the realm. But he was bitter and weary and tired of deceit.
“Mayhap in time,” he whispered. “Mayhap your actions will speak louder than words.”
Marcus was bewildered and frustrated, at himself, at everything. “I am not completely guilty in all of this,” he said. “You proved to be spiteful and irrational, too. If there is any betrayal to be felt, I should be allowed a small portion.”
Christopher’s head came up. “What are you talking about?”
“In London, Chris. Do you remember how crazed jealous you were when I was around your wife? We had done absolutely nothing at that time, yet you were wild with envy,” Marcus reminded him.
“You had kissed her,” Christopher returned.
Marcus threw up his hands. “An innocent taste, I swear to you. I felt nothing for her at the time. It was, as I said, a game. My feelings for her followed shortly thereafter.”
Christopher let out a laborious sigh. “I do not know, Marcus. I just do not know what to think or believe anymore.”
Marcus watched his former friend as he stared at his hands.
“Do you know that even after I married her, she refused to take your wedding rings off?” he said.
“I am not daft, Chris. I knew she did not love me, but I hoped with time that things would change. And they would have, but with you returned, even I know that there is no hope.”
With that, Marcus stood up and walked away, leaving Christopher drained and David astonished.
“Do you think he is sincere?” David asked.
Christopher ran a hand through his hair. “Oh, hell, David, I don’t know,” he sighed heavily. “I would like to hope so, but he has lied to me before where Dustin was concerned. I will not allow myself to be sucked in again. We shall just have to wait and see.”
David puffed out his cheeks and sat down, shaking his head in wonder. He never thought he would live to see the day when Marcus Burton backed down from anything. Surprisingly, he wasn’t leery as his brother was.
He believed him.
*
In the shadows, young Darren watched his liege and the other two men. He remembered well how close the three had been and was deeply distressed to see the bitterness and mistrust between them.
Their animosity was because of Lady Dustin, yet they were all united because of her.
She had split them, but she had pulled them together.
It was a strange paradox and one he never thought to understand.
He could see how terribly upset they were over her capture and in his smart, quick mind, he was formulating a plan.
He had learned about life from his liege, and had experienced enough adventures with the man to hold him for the rest of his life. As exciting as they sometimes were, he was intelligent and had learned from them. He only hoped his liege would agree to what he planned to propose.
Christopher and David were subdued as Darren approached from the darkness and cleared his throat respectfully.
“Greetings this night, my lords,” he said.
Christopher glanced up at the broad, blond youth who could pass for his son and smiled faintly. “Still up, Darren? I would think you to be asleep by now.”
“Nay, my lord,” Darren replied. “I think that if I fall asleep, I will awake to find that I have merely dreamed you were alive.”
Christopher shook his head and patted Harold on the head affectionately. “Nay, lad. I am alive.”
Darren cleared his throat again, mayhap a bit nervously, and moved stiffly to the log Marcus had occupied. “May I sit, my lords?”
David waved him down and he sat perched rigidly on the edge of the log. Not knowing exactly how he should broach the subject, he decided to simply jump in with both feet.
“Lord Christopher, I have a….a plan regarding your wife,” he said.
Christopher looked up from the fire. “Plan? What do you mean?”
Darren felt his face flush as all attention was on him and prayed they did not think him a fool.
“I have been thinking,” he said, rather quickly.
“Lady Dustin has no protector in Nottingham. She is alone and I know how you must fear for her safety. When we attack come tomorrow, the gates will be closed and the castle sealed and her fate will be in the hands of Prince John and Sir Ralph. She will have no one.”
“What are you getting at, Darren?” David demanded.
Darren cleared his throat for the tenth time and forced his courage.
“I am thinking that Lady Dustin needs a protector at Nottingham. Of course, the prince and the sheriff know you, my lords, and all of your knights. They even know a good deal of your men-at-arms. They know everyone who is loyal to Richard and it would make it impossible for you or virtually anyone else to slip into Nottingham unnoticed to rescue Lady Dustin.”
“We know this, Darren, which is why we made no attempt at a covert rescue mission,” Christopher said patiently.
“But they do not know me,” Darren insisted. “I could slip in unnoticed and make myself available to your wife.”
It was out there. Christopher and David stared at him a moment before turning to look at each other.
Darren held his breath as no words were spoken between the two, yet a wordless discussion passed between them.
He could tell; the brothers had that ability.
Pins and needles of anticipation pricked at him as Christopher turned away from his brother and gazed into the crackling fire again.
“They have seen you before,” Christopher said finally.
“But they paid me no mind, my lord,” Darren insisted. “I blend in with the other squires and they believe me to be no one of importance.”
Christopher raised an eyebrow thoughtfully, mulling over the possibilities. “You would do this?”
Darren nodded eagerly. “Aye, my lord, I would,” he insisted. “I am almost seventeen years now, and I can handle a sword well and….”
“Christ, Darren, you do not have to tell me your qualifications; you are my squire,” Christopher said with more emotion than Darren had seen all night. “You can handle a sword almost as well as I can, of that I have no doubt. But you place yourself in grave danger should I allow you to go.”
Darren relaxed for the first time. “As you did when you broke your brother out of jail in Antioch? As you did when you took on Saladin’s general El-Hajidd on the dunes to rescue the fifteen Christian knights he held captive?
” He smiled with admiration. “I was there, my lord. If there is no danger, there is no glory, and if there is no glory then there is no point in being a knight.”
Christopher and David gazed back at his strong, young face for a moment, hearing the words and reasoning of a much older man.
“Jesus, Darren, when in the hell did you grow up?” David mumbled.
A slow smile spread across Christopher’s lips. “Well said, Darren,” he said, rather proud of the lad. “But I do not know if I can allow you to be placed in such jeopardy.”
“I wish it, sire,” Darren said firmly. “I would do this to help your wife, and to help you. Please do not deny me. There is so much you have done for me. Won’t you allow me to repay the debt in the least?”
Christopher shook his head and turned to his brother. “Christ, he pleads as well as you do.” He slapped at his leg and sat up straight on the log. “I will think on it, then. Go to bed now and I will let you know when I have made my decision.”
Darren slid off the log and bowed respectfully. He began to leave when something stopped him and he paused. “My lord,” he said hesitantly. “I would give my life for Lady Dustin. She has been kind to me. I am unconcerned with being placed in danger if it will save her.”
Christopher’s gaze lingered on the infatuated boy. His wife had power over men she did not even realize. “Thank you, Darren.”