Chapter 9 #2
The next session is the sex part itself.
I blink. I wasn’t expecting it to come about so quickly, to be honest. Genevieve—I assume it’s Genevieve’s doing, anyway—has inserted a note suggesting we keep this session one-on-one, although other members will most definitely be at my disposal for the ‘warm-up’ part of the evening.
You think? I roll my eyes. Like I’m going to opt for a gang-bang for my first time.
There are multiple-choice questions about what I think I may like. Preferred positions. That kind of thing.
I scroll down quickly. While it’s fun considering all the options Alchemy is laying out for me here, I can’t quite compute doing the deed itself just yet.
A man’s weight on me. Bearing down on me.
Pushing his penis inside my body.
A man I don’t know.
It just sounds… confronting.
Intimidating.
And really, really intense. Physically and emotionally.
Denial is probably the best policy. I’ll start the process and trust I’ll be ready for the sex bit when I get to it.
There are a couple of sessions after that which are, again, utterly bespoke and can be decided upon once I’ve popped my cherry.
Recommended uses for these sessions include exploring more about either techniques—like other positions or fellatio—or pushing my boundaries and exploring totally new kinks.
It mentions bondage and anal. Hard pass on the latter.
Yikes.
My gaze alights on the last part of the section outlining the Unfurl structure.
The final session is called Adieu, which is a nice touch.
The subheading describes it as often the highlight of the course.
For your Adieu, anything goes, the blurb explains.
You may choose to spend it in your usual room with any number of members of your choosing, or out in the club.
Adieu is a special opportunity to explore your deepest fantasies in a safe place.
The sky is the limit. This is your swan song. Be brave and be beautiful!
It seems unlikely that after only a few—four—sessions, I’ll be this entirely other version of myself.
The Belle who kisses strange men and lets them put their mouths on me and their penises inside various parts of my body.
Who enjoys orgies and has no problem taking any fantasy from the safety of my head to a public place with other people.
But there’s something about the way that Adieu blurb has been written that sparks my imagination. Because, right now, the only things separating this version of me from that version are my hangups and my Catholic guilt.
They’re all false obstacles. They don’t really exist. And maybe, just maybe, the best gift this entire crazy journey will provide me with will be the gift of shrugging off my inhibitions.
* * *
The depressing thing about the Erogenous Zones part of the questionnaire is for how many questions I need to tick the Unknown box.
Are my shoulders erogenous? Unknown.
My calves? Absolutely no idea.
My feet? Ew. No.
But I have a handy rule of thumb for checking.
When I slide my fingers down my neck and imagine it’s Rafe’s hot mouth, that body part erupts in a trail of goosebumps.
Same when they brush over my stomach. And when I allow them to dip briefly between my thighs again, conjuring up the forbidden and totally improbable image of his long, tanned fingers disappearing inside me, I practically come.
Some boxes I can tick with a resounding yes.
There follows a long list of what I suppose are kinks.
The questionnaire discreetly refers to them as sexual preferences.
There’s a sliding scale of boxes ranked from one to ten, one being a hard pass and ten an indication that something is my ultimate fantasy.
Under each question is a box to write extra comments.
I allow my left hand to trail over my nipple, teasing it through the silk of my camisole till it grows harder and harder under my fingers. I feel the sensations that some of the preferences elicit deep inside my body.
This is hardcore.
The list goes through multiple types of bondage, from being restrained with silk ties (yes) to full-on Shibari, which is a term I have to google.
Um, no. Not at this point, anyway.
I’m asked how aroused I get by the prospect of everything from butt plugs (I clench squeamishly), to being ejaculated over on various body parts, to a million scenarios.
The scenarios are what get me, and before I know it, my fingers are dipping between my legs again.
There’s a vividly crafted paragraph on each scenario that makes this PDF seem less like a questionnaire and more like the best sales pitch I’ve ever read.
Some of the scenarios are ones I’ve read about in romance books or conjured up in my head.
Some of them are of zero interest, like having a guy submit to me. That does nothing for me. I want to be the one doing the submitting. (I was brought up to say yes to everything and be a good girl. Go figure.)
Some of them are new, in that I haven’t thought much about them or fantasised about them before. God, are they hot. God, do they get the blood flowing to my clit, which is so swollen now that I’d probably come even if I took my hand away.
And there’s one whose setup and allure hits me so precisely, so powerfully, that sickening shame and white-hot desire course over my entire body in equal measure, my fingers rubbing harder and harder before I’m fully conscious of it.
You’re a young postulant in a convent. One night, as you lie in bed after saying your prayers, two handsome priests from the seminary next door come into your room.
They tell you your Mother Superior has doubts about your ability to maintain a life of celibacy, and she has asked them to test your virtue.
You’re uneasy, because you feel committed to the convent.
Because no man has ever tested your virtue in any way.
But you want to please Mother Superior, and there’s a sensation uncoiling inside you at the prospect of these men uncovering you.
Touching you in ways you can’t imagine. Worshipping and defiling your body in a manner you’ve been taught is profane, but that you already know will feel sacred.
And so you say yes.
You allow them to pull down your bedcovers, and drag your modest nightgown up over your body, and tie your wrists to the bedstead so you don’t interrupt their sinful acts with your attempts at modesty, and you submit to them. To their carnal desires, and to their power over you.
And when they touch you, it’s as transcendent as you knew it would be.
As if this was the destiny you were born for.
Oh God. Oh God. I’m shuddering just reading it, my entire body prickling with goosebumps so severe it feels as though nails are being dragged over my skin.
This is too much. This is everything. There’s no time to question why I’m reacting so strongly.
No time to allow the shame of how messed up this is to take over.
I type four words into the box below, hit Ten on the scale of the questionnaire, and snap my laptop shut, my fingers moving desperately over my flesh as I shudder out a climax so violent that my body practically lifts off the bed as I come.