Date Sunday 25 December Time 11.47pm
My thoughts and reflections:
I’m in the ‘other spare room’ and if anything, it’s even worse than I remembered.
Not only does it smell of damp but there’s some sort of acrid, pungent other odour too, almost like ammonia.
Mum says she can’t smell a thing but still came in and sprayed Febreze everywhere.
Well, actually she sprayed oven cleaner everywhere ‘because of the poor labelling and design’, not because she’s pissed, of course.
She’s quite a defensive drunk. The small side window won’t open.
Dad says it’s because of the damp and the wood has swollen and stuck.
Fabulous. Plus, I can’t move without banging against all the paint pots, Astrid’s old canoe, the rocking chair – in fact half the contents of our old house that won’t fit in the new house – and now, in addition, the massive and extremely hard Peloton bike that I told Dad, correctly, he wouldn’t want past January last year.
The freezer whirs constantly and the camp bed creaks and I can feel the springs.
So here I am, getting bruises and breathing problems whilst the rest of the family and their husbands and offspring and pets lord it up in the nicer rooms. Basically I’m Harry Potter.
The most annoying part is, I know if I had a better-paid job or my own flat, or a husband, I’d probably be in my own bed and the twins would be in here.
Literally the minute Arrie got engaged to Roger, she never had to sit on the stool for meals.
Ever. And Astrid and Aziz get the soft, matching Harrods towels if they stay over, and the unchipped mugs.
It’s so unfair that they move to ‘guest’ status just by being married.
Well, things are about to change.
I’ve spent the last twenty minutes or so watching Tammy from Wisconsin, who has a massive 2.
5 million followers on TikTok, and although I originally mostly wanted this journal for the photos, I am increasingly inspired by this whole manifesting thing.
Tammy manifested herself nice fingernails – you should see the transformation from those fungally little stumps she used to have – and a new car, which is unbelievable, but she swears it’s true and she’s been on the Morning Show and they fact-check everything, just by using the 3-6-9 method.
The more I research manifesting, the more I’m wondering why everyone isn’t at it.
You literally ask for stuff and you get it.
I’m almost scared to start in case I’m the only one it doesn’t work for, but Tammy from Wisconsin says that’s just self-blocking.
She was told by one nail technologist that she would never, ever have nice natural nails because the fungus was in the nail beds, and Tammy hit a proper low after that.
Apparently she felt like ending it all. Then a friend who’d manifested her cheating husband’s death (sounds like a basic case of murder to me) told her about the 3-6-9 method and Tammy’s never looked back.
So I’m manifesting and I’m manifesting big.
But first of all I’m going to start small, with my social media output.
I may as well be an influencer. Okay, it didn’t go great the other night with that viral video – I deleted it before anyone could twig it was me, let alone follow me – but I’ve learnt my lesson: don’t freestyle.
And choose good lighting. And don’t be drunk.
Charlotte clearly spends ages curating her videos.
It’s not like 10k followers is that many, but apparently she gets free juice cards from her GlowCycle gym on the back of that, plus she snared Guy Carmichael.
But I could do with a break already.
Because TikTok is flooded with people opening things left, right and centre and the biggest trend of all? Christmas morning (they’re all in pyjamas) unboxing of The Guide . Why hadn’t I got Aziz to film me when I opened mine earlier? That would have showed Charlotte.
I am letting go of:
Those pictures of Tammy’s nails. Well, I’m trying to.
That viral video of mine – it’s gone.