Date Saturday 14 January Time 6.20pm
My thoughts and reflections:
Well, I was wrong about Louise. Really quite wrong.
I mean I was right as in it wasn’t fun, but it was me who bailed rather than her.
Turns out she was on a mission to get absolutely trashed.
I got the impression she’d been drinking before I got there because when I squeezed myself onto the velvet banquette opposite her, even though it was dimly lit, I could clearly tell:
a) there were three empty espresso martini glasses on the table
b) she was wired and slurry and smelt of coffee.
I love getting trashed with the best of them, but being in Soho mid-afternoon with a couple of proper drunks shouting at the bar, and sitting knee to knee with Louise, was a sobering experience.
She kept asking me to describe what it felt like waking up in bed alone and calling me a lucky bitch and saying things like of course you probably don’t leak urine when you do that, you jammy cow (about mundane things like walking, or laughing, or chewing, or watching TV) and it freaked me out a bit.
And then, after a couple more drinks, she leant forward and held on to my forearm a little bit too grippily, her eyes frankly a touch wild, and asked me whether I’d consider running her over, just lightly maybe, at fifteen miles per hour, so she could have a week in hospital, or a mild coma, for some me time .
And then when I asked if she was okay, she said just joking and laughed too loudly.
She said Annabel and Fizz were coming here for a quick drink and then we were all going to supper at the Pavilion Club because Fizz had just joined, and wasn’t that fab, and with any luck Penelope might make pudding.
And as Annabel is totally awful, and I detest Penelope, and there is no way I can afford supper at the Pavilion Club, I had no qualms about inventing an urgent request from Astrid to get back home and let her in because she’d forgotten her key.
‘Do give them my love, won’t you?’ I said.
‘And let them know I can’t wait to see you all at the christening.
’ And then just as I was leaving I felt bad and told Louise that Arrie had found it a nightmare when she first had kids and that I may not have them myself, but I did know it was perfectly normal to find it hard and she could call me anytime.
And Louise went all snotty and gaspy and clung on to me and said, ‘It’s killing me. No one said it was this bad. Why didn’t they say? It’s a conspiracy.’
But another espresso martini arrived and she cheered up and I scarpered.
Drunk Stephen messaged saying he was going to a show in town but could meet later for drinks.
But having duly considered the state of my finances and the fact it was only six o’clock, I decided that rather than wait around and stay out, I may as well make the most of having Astrid’s house all to myself.
Hence being back on the Piccadilly line, heading home, on a Saturday night, at half six.
Unheard of but semi-exciting in its novelty.
I’m planning to sort out my visioning board and move Matthew’s face because I’m a little concerned I accidentally manifested him today.
Also, given some of the crapness of my day (not that I’m doubting the Universe, I’m simply experiencing understandable feelings of uncertainty), I think I should try some other approaches to manifesting – maybe candle gazing.
I’ve just seen a TikTok video where that famous YouTuber says how she manifested a baby through candle gazing.
Then I accidentally clicked on a link where a woman from Texas warns about the side effects of candle gazing; apparently she gazed too long and now has permanent retinal damage resulting in everything appearing green.
Hopefully inspiration will strike, and I will feel more assured that I am making progress towards manifesting my perfect life.
Will write again before bed.
My intention is:
To investigate candle gazing without retinal damage.