3. Alice
3
Alice
I sit at Dad and Coco’s kitchen table, my tulle dress draped across the back of the couch, while wearing my brother’s gym shorts and old T-shirt. They are drowning me, but I wasn’t quite ready to go home yet.
Mom would have laughed hysterically at the dress Amanda made me wear. So, I’m here… My old home. The place that still feels like home but isn’t.
I twirl and tap and spin Zoe’s card in my hand. I’m not sure why it hasn’t made its way into the trash yet. I’d planned to throw it out. But I haven’t. I can’t.
“It sounds like a huge opportunity,” Coco says. She asked about the card the minute I set the thing on the kitchen table.
“It sounds ridiculous.” I flick my gaze up to hers, gauging if Coco thinks it sounds ridiculous. Then I open my Little Women book—it’s large to begin with, but this is where I press my memory flowers, so the thing is bulging.
“Not ridiculous at all,” Coco says without even thinking about it.
I place one lily from my bridesmaid bouquet between pages one hundred forty-seven and one hundred forty-eight—the scene where Amy betrays Jo—and then I shut the book. “It’s soccer, Mom. We both know I don’t know sports.”
She settles into the chair next to me. “You never went to flight school. You don’t know how to quilt. You aren’t a lawyer. But you handled those clients exceptionally well.”
“I’m not a veterinarian,” I say, because I know she won’t. I think the fact hurts her. I’m over it—truly. But I’m not sure Coco ever will be. My dream of working alongside her one day became her dream too.
My stepmom came into my life when I was five years old. She bought me a puppy—my little Princess.
Yes, I know... more princesses. I’m willing to admit that, at one point in my life, I was obsessed. I grew out of it though.
At a young age, Coco showed me how passionate she was about her work. I decided at six that I wanted to be a vet too. I never lost that desire all through school. But you can’t become a vet at an online school. No, that work is fairly hands-on. And when my mom, Sandra, told me she needed me, and it was so clear she only had me, my plans changed.
I love what I do now. Mostly. And I don’t regret staying with my mother. I needed to be there for her. Coco, Dad, the Baileys—if they’ve taught me anything, it’s to be there for your family. That’s all I’m doing.
And now I love marketing. Yes, my opportunities are a bit limited since I haven’t left town, but I still like my job. I could have made more of an effort to work remotely, to take jobs online, all over the country, but I like the in-person jobs. The face-to-face contact and understanding of a company. I need people and working remotely plus living with Mom wouldn’t have worked for my mental health. So–in a way, I’ve limited myself.
“No, you’re not a veterinarian,” Coco says, reaching out to take my hand. “And yet your brilliant work changed things—for me, for your dad, for the quilting club.”
I nod. She’s right. I did good work for all of them.
She shrugs, that pretty smile blooming on her face. “So why not a soccer team? You could do this too.”
I bite my inner cheek. I think of Will’s reaction. He doesn’t think someone like me could be good at this. But then… I’ve never cared about what others think.
Besides, I could do it. I know I could.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I say—for Coco and myself. “I can’t leave Mom.” We both know it.
I love my mother, but it’s Coco who has been the prime example of a loving, successful, strong woman in my life. So, I wait—because whatever she says will mean something to me.
Coco just peers at me, no words.
The silence is too much. “I know what you’re going to say. She’s forty-eight years old. She’s healthy. She’ll be fine on her own.” I swallow. “But she doesn’t have anyone else. It’s not like our family.”
“Actually, I was going to say”—she squeezes my fingers—“that Sandra is the luckiest mother in the entire world.” Her eyes fill with tears, making my throat clench. “Her gifted daughter is willing to give up so much to be with her. Her beautiful daughter has put all of her dreams on hold to make sure that her mother is taken care of. There aren’t a lot of young people who would do that.”
I swallow past the ache in my throat. “You’d do it.”
“Maybe. I’m not sure I’ll ever be as wonderful as that girl.” She winks at me. “I’m pretty lucky, too, because I get to share that daughter with Sandra.”
A single tear slips down my cheek. “So, you think I should stay?”
Her brows lift slightly. “I didn’t say that. The hardest part about having children, Alice, is that you love them so fiercely, knowing that one day they’ll grow up and leave you to do their own thing. And yet, as parents, that’s exactly what we want for them. I want you to be happy. So, do whatever makes you happy, sweet girl.”
T hree days later, I clutch my cell to my ear and stare at my mother. “We do not need a family meeting,” I tell Grandma Lucy.
Mom stands in her tiny bedroom of our small apartment and packs her suitcase.
“Your uncles are worried about you,” Grandma says.
“It’s been a weird week.” First Amanda’s wedding, then Zoe’s job offer, and now this… “But there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Owen said you seemed stressed,” Grandma Lucy says.
“I’m good. I promise. I’ll come see you tomorrow. But I have to go. It’s Mom?—”
Grandma doesn’t ask any more questions. She knows why I’ve never left my hometown. My mother’s life is different than Dad’s and Coco’s.
I stayed for Mom. Because she asked me to. Because she needed me.
And now, she’s packing her bags.
“Tomorrow,” Grandma says before hanging up the phone.
I blink, taking in Mom’s rhythmic movement. One shirt at a time, she moves—from her pile to her bag. “Mom, please explain to me again.” My mind keeps contemplating something illegal… is she running away?
No… she wouldn’t do that.
Okay, she might.
“What’s to tell?” she says with a half-shrug, not even sparing me a glance.
“It’s nine o’clock at night. You made this decision when?”
“About an hour ago,” she says. She grabs the small carry-on bag and unzips it, lifting the flap open.
“And you’re leaving now? Right now? Why?”
“Boone said the bus is leaving tonight. If I want to go, I have to go now.”
My head reels, trying to wrap around what is happening. “You’re taking a bus to Los Angeles?”
She doesn’t answer, just throws her red high-heeled boots into her bag.
“What if Boone decides—” But I can’t finish the sentence. He is her longest-running boyfriend yet. We’ve been through a slew of them, but Boone has lasted an entire year.
She gives me a three-second pause, staring at me before she picks up the next clothing item on her pile of clean laundry and tosses it into her bag. It’s the pile that I took to the laundromat. I washed them. I dried them. But I promised myself that she had to fold them. That was a week ago.
Any guesses if she’s throwing nice-and-neat folded clothing into her bag? She’s not.
“What if Boone changes his mind? About L.A.,” I amend.
“He won’t! His brother lives out there. He’s got two trailer houses. He doesn’t need two. He’s giving one to Boone. Why would Boone leave a perfectly good trailer house? Besides, our lease is up next month. I already told Floyd that we aren’t renewing.”
“Mom!” I gasp. “What about me? Where am I supposed to live?”
She sighs. “Alice. You’re twenty-four?—”
I’m twenty-six.
“Isn’t it time you found your own place?”
I hiccup, then cough, then attempt not to choke. Does she not understand? Does she not see that I’ve chosen to stay here for her ? That I changed my major for her ? Does she not remember asking me to stay? She hasn’t even had a job this past year.
“So, you’re really going?”
She groans—like I’m the tiring one here. “Baby girl, you’ve got to get out on your own at some point. You’re a grown woman.”
I shake my head. Defeated. Plopping into the chair at the side of her bed, I rest my head back, quiet. “What about all of your furniture?”
“Hmm, you better put it in a storage unit. That way nothing will happen to it. Boone says this place is fully furnished, so I won’t need it.”
She won’t need it, but I’m supposed to put it in storage? And I suppose I’ll be paying for that unit. Where am I going to go? Back to Dad’s? My chest squeezes. I love my father. I love Coco. But Mom has one thing right: I am grown.
I nod. “Furnished.” It’s the only sane word that my lips and brain can produce.
“That’s right. Two bedrooms and a full dining set too.”
“That’s great, Mom,” I say, my tone a flat EEG line.
I sit for I’m not sure how long, my eyes focused on the contents of Mom’s bag.
What was my plan all this time? Did I really think I’d live with her forever? Or that, at some point, she’d change? She’s never changed. She’s been like this since the day I was born. Why would she change?
There’s a tap on the front door of our apartment, and I peer up at Mom, working harder to fill her bags than I’ve seen her work in years. “Boone?”
“Nah. He’s coming at nine forty-five. No sooner.”
Pushing myself up from the chair, I trip over to the door—as if having an out-of-body experience. Where am I going to live in a month? Not here. Or maybe I will live here. Surely Floyd hasn’t rented the place to anyone else yet. Will I be able to make the rent payments without help from Mom’s unemployment checks?
Like a zombie, I pull the door open to Uncle Miles.
“Hey there?—”
“Don’t say it,” I bark. I have been called princess waaay too much this week.
His brows furrow. He’s too kind and he doesn’t understand my beef.
“I am officially seven years old again. Every man I know wants to call me princess. I might punch someone if it happens again.”
“Wow.” He presses his lips together, his cheeks puffing out. “Okay then—no princess. Not today. Are you okay, Alice?”
I swallow. “Mom’s moving.” I glance behind me to my mother’s room, where she’s packing up every pair of her high-heeled boots and crop tops.
Miles moves past me from the doorway and into the small living room. “I heard. Your mom—ah, that is, Coco, told me. Where’s Sandra going?”
“L.A. She and Boone are taking off tonight.”
His brows lift. “That quick?”
I nod, unsure what to say. Uncle Miles is just finding me in an existential crisis. No biggie.
He wraps one arm around my shoulders. “How are you feeling? You’ll miss her.”
I will. Probably. “I’m kind of pissed.”
“Oh.” His brows furrow—not what he expected from his princess. “You wanna talk about it?”
“Uncle Miles, I’ve been trying to do the right thing my whole life.”
“I know, prin—” He swallows down that last word. Smart choice.
“I got offered a job this week. A big one.” At least, I think it’s big. And I think it was offered. Was staring at Zoe confused in the middle of Amanda’s reception hall my interview? “But I immediately declined the offer. I didn’t even ask questions. You know why?” Before he can guess, I supply the answer. “Mom.”
“Yeah—”
“I wanted to be a veterinarian. I got offered the presidential scholarship. Do you remember that?”
His hazel eyes turn glassy. “I do. We were all so proud?—”
“I didn’t take it. I stayed in Coeur d’Alene. I moved in with Mom, and I started online school. I thought Dad was going to bust a blood vessel. He was so mad at me. I wasn’t afraid to go,” I tell him. “Some place new sounded like an adventure. I like meeting people. Seeing new things. Uncle Levi gave me that town bike for graduation. I could have biked all over campus. I was ready to go. I could be in my first year working with Coco. But I stayed home and did all my schooling online. I changed my major. I changed my dreams. And I’m still here, working remotely. Why?”
He clears his throat. “Your?—”
“Mom. That’s why.” I’m out of breath by the time I speak the last word. I’m tired. For so many reasons.
Still, my head spins and my chest heaves, never letting me rest. Maybe I need to punch something. Maybe that something should be a cardboard cutout of a Disney princess.
Miles’ arm wraps around my shoulders. “All very noble, Alice. You’re a good person. Always have been.”
How is my anger helpful? I’ve made my choices. I’m even content with them.
“Can I ask you a question?” Miles says, peering down at me. “I know what stopped you from leaving then. But what’s stopping you now?”