Chapter 42
I avoided Lorelei.
I knew what I needed to say to her, but I couldn't do it. This was a mess of my own making. Part of me was holding onto the hope that she would suddenly realize it was me, that she would turn around and recognize me for who I was despite the difference in my fur and my title.
It was my outrage that prevented me from explaining things to her.
How dare she not see me for who I was?
How could she think that I, the Emperor, would just sneak into a woman's room and have her like that? Did she really think so little of me?
That anger welled over in me, fed by a wave of shame and discomfort.
Like the Emperor had tricked her somehow.
Like I'd done something wrong.
But that was ridiculous.
I was the Emperor.
If she had wanted me as Zale, she should have wanted me as the Emperor, as well. I shouldn't have to go back to her and beg forgiveness for not telling her what I expected her to know already.
Yet I should.
It was what I should do.
Something that I'd never done, because why would an Emperor ever need to ask forgiveness?
Everyone always forgave me without me having to try.
I was trapped in a cycle of my upbringing, knowing what I needed to do to break free, but caged by the sheer audacity that the situation dared to impose on me.
My mind went round in circles, and I couldn’t find a way out.
So, instead, I focused on my work.
I left my little hoomon to her own devices, avoiding our bed chambers.
I avoided my personal command center, which was connected to those chambers through one door, and instead, I spent most of my time in the operations room or in the training room with my soldiers, working out my emotions physically.
I commandeered one of the other private rooms on the ship.
It wasn't anywhere close to as comfortable as mine, but that room wasn't mine anymore.
It was hers.
I wasn't going to go back on my word.
The ship was hers, whether or not I was able to face her.
I knew I should face her.
But I held back.
I wanted to be seen.
I wanted her to see me for who I was.
Not who she thought I was in her head.