Chapter 43 #2
"No, that's not it. It's more like a Darcy and Elizabeth dynamic where he is all like nope, gotta run away from loving her, but he does that after they're stuck on a spaceship together," I said, even as I checked around the room anyway.
I was completely alone. "Do you think he can listen in on this transmission? "
"You know about that as much as I do. "Arnina shrugged.
"Well, just in case, let's assume that this isn't private, or that once they get their own translators, they'll be able to listen back on the recording," I said. "You remember how in high school that friend of ours got into trouble?"
"You mean Rebecca?" Arnina asked. "The girl who got-"
"Yes, exactly," I interrupted her. "I am in the same situation, and I need to talk to Zale."
Arnina's hands flew up to cover her mouth as she gasped, her eyes widening. She lowered her hands and spoke in a harsh whisper that came through just as loudly as if she had been shouting.
"You need to talk to Zale about it?" She demanded more than asked. "Not the Emperor who you went running off with? Lorelei, oh my goddess, what are you doing?"
"I made a mistake when I decided to go with the Emperor," I said. "I made a rash choice like I always do, and-"
"Lorelei, we just got rescued from a zoo on an alien metropolis moon, and from what I saw, this Emperor swooped in and decided he wanted you to come with him.
" Her tone was strong and firm, demanding my attention.
"This isn't as simple as you ‘made a mistake’.
This is called an alien species. It didn't give you the time to be able to make a choice, nor was it entirely clear that you had that much of a choice in that situation.
So don't be hard on yourself on this. This isn't all on you. "
"Yeah, but it's all on me to deal with the aftermath," I sighed.
"How do you want to deal with it?" she asked, her voice soft.
"With love," I said, more aggressively than I needed to. "With a safe place to live where I can take my time to have…" My voice trembled as tears welled in my eyes. "I really want this."
"Oh, Lorelei," Arnina said softly. "I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy you feel that way."
"That's a lot," I said. "I just don't know how I'm going to do this."
"First off, you have me. I'm here for you, and I'm sure we can figure out how to get you back here if that's what you want. So, why don't you just talk to him?" Arnina asked. "Rip off the Band-Aid and get it over with."
"He freaked out when I even mentioned Zale.
I don't think having a conversation with him about my situation is going to go well.
He is acting really possessive, and he obviously has shit tons of power, so I'm pretty afraid to piss him off.
" I took a deep breath and let that truth sink in as I said it out loud.
I was afraid of the Emperor.
Not because he had done anything to indicate he might be even slightly willing to hurt me, but because of who he was.
He was a person in a position of power. He had to be surrounded by cronies and, yes, other aliens, swarmed by his people at all turns who wanted a piece of his power, who wanted to be friends with his position rather than with him.
The thing is, he wasn't just a person in a position of power.
He was also in a position of power over me.
I’d given myself to a powerful man.
I was on a spaceship, separated from everyone, with an alien man who had full control over the ship and everyone in it. I couldn't just run away if I wanted to. He had made it extremely clear that he was not interested in me even looking at another person.
Outside the ship was a literal vacuum.
And I had chosen to come here.
When it was just me, it didn't seem to matter. I hadn't really thought about it, but I'd been living carefree, every moment to the next, making my choices on a whim.
But now, it was no longer just my life.
I had someone to protect.
And that was terrifying.
The one thing I learned from the last several years of my life was never to show fear.
It was better to act like you were confident at holding a whip than to beg someone not to hurt you.
Though, I couldn't act like anything if he was running around the ship avoiding me.
The worst part about it - I wanted to spend time with him.
I was afraid, but also longing. He’d treated me well, was phenomenal and so familiar in bed, but then avoided me. His hot had stoked the flames of desire inside of me and his cold burned my heart.
There was a good chance I could fall for him.
I knew that already from one night together.
But he was avoiding me.
"No, I mean, why don't you talk to Zale about it?" she asked me. "You need someone on your side who knows the culture. There might be a socially acceptable way to handle this that won't anger the Emperor."
"Can you get him for me?" I asked. "Is he still guarding you?"
She shook her head.
Her next words caused my heart to shrink and expand all at the same time.
"He's on the ship with you," she said. "Makrus mentioned it when I asked him. Do you want me to ask Makrus to tell Zale to go talk to you? He might be avoiding you since you're with the Emperor."
I was stunned.
It wasn't just the Emperor who was avoiding me on this big ass space bucket.
Zale had been here the whole time, and he was avoiding me, too.
I nodded.
"I'm going to look for him, too, but having Murder Kitty call should help," I said.
"Especially if he has been here this whole time and just hid from me."
"Murder Kitty?" She asked.
"It's an upgrade from Boy Toy," I grinned.
"Boy Toy?" Arnina laughed. "Seastar, do NOT tell me you've been calling Makrus Boy Toy in your head this whole time!"
"More recently I've been calling him Murder Kitty," I grinned.
I loved it when she called me Seastar. It reminded me of what we used to be and something more, something this whole abduction thing had given me a hint of.
Our friendship could become something stronger than it was before.
But first, we had to talk about the thing I both did and didn't want to talk about.
It was as though she read it on my face.
"Hey, so, I wanted to say something," she said. "I'm really sorry that I didn't believe you before, you know, two years and several centuries before. My ex, he was so adamant that you came on to him and-"
"I'll call you later," I said before she could say anything else, and ended the call, my heart pounding in my chest.
Her need to understand what happened didn’t overwhelm my need to feel safe when I was ready to talk through a trauma.
Despite how much I thought I wanted this, I realized I still wasn't ready.