Chapter 54
My mate was agitated.
I could see it in the way she stalked across the ship, her osae sliding in and out of her knuckles like they wanted to grab onto something or someone.
She needed me.
"What if I just destroy every governmental building on the planet," she said, the tenseness of her body radiating in her voice. "Get rid of all the people who have been failing everyone on the planet. All they care about is their own power. What if I just take it all away? I can do that, right?"
"Yes," I rumbled. "You can do whatever you wish to this planet."
I reached out and ran my hand down her arm, taking her hand in mine. Her osae wrapped around my wrist, trailing up my forearm. The sensation was unusual. It sent a surge of desire through me, causing my maleness to swell and thicken as it extruded.
I ignored it and the discomfort it caused as it rubbed against my trousers.
My mate needed me in more ways than just the physical.
"I ask you, though, is that what you truly believe will help?
" I ran my fingers along her osae and she shuddered slightly, licking her lips, her eyes dropping down to where we were touching.
"Do you feel like the team you gathered to advise you on this matter is not useful to the point that you are ready now to act without considering them? "
She stiffened at my words, her eyes jerking back up to my face.
"You said I can do whatever I like," she said.
"As you can," I reasserted. "My fleet, their firepower, my soldiers - they are all yours to command."
"Then what are you saying?" she asked, her voice soft.
I gently tugged on her osae, drawing her close to me. I wrapped my arms around her. She relaxed into my grip, falling into me as she tilted her head up to look up into my eyes.
"The way you feel now, the energy that is coursing through you - has it served you well to act impulsively with it in the past?" I asked her.
She shook her head.
"I know what you're asking me," she said. "I know that making rash decisions that I can't take back, that impact so many people, likely won't turn out for the best, but what is my planet to you? Does it matter to you if I mess things up with Earth?"
"No," I replied. "If you wanted to destroy the planet, I wouldn't stop you. But that would influence what powers of mine I share with you - I could not put you in a position to harm my people whenever you felt the urge."
"I don't want the power to hurt your people," she said.
"But you want to hurt yours?" I asked.
She was silent for a long moment.
"Yes," she replied.
Then she stepped back, pushing herself out of my arms. I let go of her. She gave me a tentative smile, then began walking through the ship. I walked beside her, letting her lead me in silence as she focused inward, deep in thought. She led me into our bedroom.
As the door slid shut behind me, she turned to me again.
"I don't know what to do with all this anger I feel," she said.
"I thought it would go away with the death of my enemy, but it didn't. Instead, it is still boiling over, and all I can feel is hatred towards the systems and people that serve these monsters, that led to their violence in the first place.
This hatred overwhelms me, but it isn't what I want to make my decisions.
I don't want to be consumed by it. I don't want let my anger dictate those choices.
But it is powerful. I want to use it. I want to use the power it gives me. "
"You want to feed off the energy generated by your strong emotions?" I asked.
She nodded.
"But sometimes it just runs away with me." She looked up at me with huge eyes, glimmering with the shine of critical self-awareness. "How do I stop that?"
She was so beautiful.
I took a moment to look at her, to really draw her in, and see the woman I'd chosen to be my mate, who had been chosen by the symbiote that extended my lifetime and strengthened me to the core of my being.
She could see herself.
More importantly, she was willing to see herself.
Facing inward, seeing the inner trials and tribulations of the mind that chewed on the heart, was impossible for many.
It was easy to face outward and blame the world and others - because they were often the cause of suffering.
But at the same time, knowing that suffering was caused by external factors and acknowledging your own power to control how you reacted to them were two different things.
It was easy to hit back.
It was also easy to turn the other cheek and refuse to fight back due to fear.
What was hard was to recognize that there were more options. The energy generated by fear and anger could be utilized, could be shaped, could fuel a larger effort that had the chance to change things for the better.
Letting the mind be directed by that energy just guaranteed the creation of more of it.
"You are the ruler here," I said. "You can destroy, but with every destruction, you create new wounds, new seeds of hatred like the ones you have carried in your heart.
If you are going to destroy, you need to plan carefully and make sure you take out the parasite at the root, rather than feeding new growth.
If all you do is destroy the head, the body will grow a new one. "
She took a deep breath, pulling that information down into the base of her being.
The expression on her face changed.
Her entire body language changed.
Instead of being stiff and tense, she relaxed, flowing into movement as she paced across the room, her eyes fixated on the thoughts in her mind as she sorted out what she wanted to do next.
"What I really need to do is change public opinion so that it is in alignment with the long term survival of the human race, rather than the rapid consumption of, well, everything, and the destruction of a comfortable climate," she said.
She let out a sigh as she walked over to the bed and flopped down across it on her back, staring up at the ceiling.
"To do that requires a lot more than just killing off my enemies and destroying the major companies that are causing the large portion of the problems,” she continued.
“I need knowledge. I need to figure out what those gray aliens were doing here.
I have to deploy full time disruptors, both public faces and people who can set up bots to leave comments on all of the platforms." She covered her face with both of her hands. "It is going to be so much work."
This was the woman I craved.
The kind of woman who could go from a state of internal conflict to self-awareness to large-scale planning.
"You don't have to do the work," I pointed out, giving her the out.
This was not work she had to do. It would be an essential practice for her if she intended to involve herself in the politics of my species, but none of it was necessary.
She could sit on a gilded throne and let me take care of her if she desired.
"You can just leave. We can go back to my homeworld, and I can show you the beauty my people have to offer. "
I sat down on the bed next to her, leaning over her with a smile.
She moved her hands away from her face, heat flashing in her eyes as she took in my position above her.
"Yes," she said. "Once I feel like I've done all I can. I can't just let this go and walk away from the planet that created me. You and all your space Emperor mojo gave me the power to do something about all of this, so I'm going to fucking do something about it."
She reached up and pushed my chest lightly.
I placed my hand over hers, trapping it against me.
"Is there anything else you want to do with your power, my Empress?" I asked. I cradled her hand in mine and lifted it to my face, running my lips over the delicate skin on the inside of her wrist.
"Yes," she replied, narrowing her eyes. "Stand up for me and take off your pants."
I rose to my feet, stripping off all my clothing.
Her eyes fell down between my legs at the still-hard evidence of my desire.
Talking to her about what choices she would make going forward hadn't diminished the heat I felt for her.
She was carrying my child. She was a partner who was willing to talk through her difficult moments and listen to my advice, even when she was riled up and wanted to destroy things.
Now I wanted to see what she did with her power over me.