13. Assistant 23
I felt like I was about to throw up.
After I burst out of Farr’vye’s hut, I ran like a madman.
My guts hurt. Those bites of fruit were a mistake, no matter how sexy it was that Farr’vye fed them to me. Now they churned in my stomach like tar, threatening to make an ugly reappearance.
The village was almost empty. Only a few straggling Maeleons remained outside, and they were distracted by doing last-minute fortifications on their homes. That was a minor blessing. Everyone was too busy to notice the debut of my exposed face.
But being exposed wasn’t why I felt sick. It was because I was a stupid cowardly asshole.
I couldn’t muster the courage to tell Farr’vye the truth. I realized now that it took bravery to be honest. Bravery I didn’t have.
I ran past the huts until I reached the edge of the village. I doubled over and braced myself on my knees, panting hard. Going back to my own hut wasn’t enough. Farr’vye would check there first. I had to go someplace he wouldn’t find me.
Where he wouldn’t see me completely unravel into a pathetic weeping mess.
The cloudy sky was dark and motionless. No thunder, and not a drop of rain. I still had time. Maybe if I were quick, I could fall apart and put myself together again before running back to Farr’vye…
That is, if he still liked me after my stupid outburst.
Anxiety twisted my chest. I couldn’t stop it. It felt like a giant fist was crushing my ribs. All my progress with Farr’vye’s help felt meaningless. He’d helped me come so far, and for what? So I could panic and flip out on him when he was only trying to comfort me?
God, I’m so dumb!
If I were smarter or braver, I’d turn around and go back.
Instead, I kept running until I was past the last hut.
The high stalks of the Sweetfields provided decent cover.
Trembling, I wove into them and sat down on the dirt.
I hugged my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth in a lame effort to soothe myself.
Compared to Farr’vye’s comfort, it was bland and useless. I didn’t know why I bothered.
But I had to get past this incoming spiral. And it had to be done alone. Because if anyone saw the sobbing, snotty mess I’d dissolve into…
I buried my face in my knees. I didn’t want to imagine that. My existence was embarrassing enough.
A distant boom of thunder made me yelp.
The storm was coming.
Please, just get this over with quickly…
My heart was beating so hard that it was painful. Closing my eyes didn’t help. It only dragged up old memories of him.
Unit 44.
My former coworker. The human who’d manipulated Kur’tok. The man who saw me for what I was: a pathetic loser meant to be berated and belittled.
Thinking of Unit 44 almost felt like a relief. He was right. I was a loser. A sniveling weirdo. I didn’t deserve any of Farr’vye’s attention or care. It was better spent on anyone else. The sooner he realized that, the better.
Thunder boomed again. Closer.
I began to shiver, and it didn’t stop. Storms moved faster on Eukaria than they did on Earth. It rained frequently on this planet, but thunderstorms were rare—and when they came, they hit hard.
The last one I’d experienced was eight years ago. The night Unit 44 was killed. The night I ran away from the Maeleons in a desperate, terrified panic. I ran into the wilderness, expecting to die there, alone and unimportant.
I didn’t. Somehow, I was too useless even to do that.
But that night, a wild storm broke over the area. The small cave I’d taken shelter in flooded. I wasn’t resourceful enough to think quickly under pressure. I crumbled. I just shook uncontrollably and wept as I was nearly washed away.
The whole time I remembered Unit 44’s charming grin and chiding remarks: The only reason you’re here is because of my research. You’re just an assistant, and I can have you replaced. But you’re nothing without me. Remember that.
That night, the storm raged. And by then, Unit 44 was dead. He couldn’t help me. But it didn’t erase his smirk burned into my memory or his words haunting me like ghosts.
I’d spent months working alongside him. Every waking moment was dedicated to helping him and trying to be useful. I couldn’t just press a button and eject him from my mind. He wasn’t easy to forget.
In many ways, Unit 44 was similar to Farr’vye. Smart, passionate, relentless. They didn’t stop until they got what they wanted… even if it caused harm.
Maybe that was why I found it easy to be around Farr’vye. The dynamic was familiar. But Farr’vye never made me feel stupid, or insulted me, even though I deserved it.
His orange stare was warm. His touch was gentle. And despite all my flaws and shortcomings, all he ever did was make me feel wanted.
My eyes clenched shut harder until it felt like they’d pop.
God, I’m an idiot.
What was I thinking? Running away and worrying him wasn’t going to solve my problems.
I scrambled to my feet, suddenly desperate to run back to Farr’vye and apologize for my stupid behavior.
A bright flash streaked across the dark sky, lighting it up like a white-hot brand. The lightning was followed instantly by a cataclysmic boom of thunder.
I shouted in terror, dropping to my knees. The thunder was terribly loud. It penetrated down to my bones. I was reminded of my weakness and how frail my body was compared to the local Maeleons.
A fat drop of water hit my nose. A second later, rain poured down.
I don’t have time to run back, I realized with a stab of dread. I was too far from the village. I’d be drenched by the time I returned to Farr’vye’s side.
If the torrential rainfall didn’t wash me away first.
A small part of me wanted to sink into the mud, curl into a ball, and cry. But the rest of me desperately wanted to run into Farr’vye’s arms. Then, in the safety of my alien lover, I could curl into a ball and cry as much as I wanted.
That sounded nice.
Spurred on by the idea, I scrambled to my feet and ran back to the village. Rain fell in sheets that blurred my vision, and the mud sucked me down with each step, yet I pushed on.
I didn’t get very far. I tripped on a thick root and fell on my face.
Spitting out mud, I gasped for air. Heavy rain pelted my back, pushing me down like a boot on my spine. My clothes were already waterlogged, and I couldn’t see past the rain. Even if I did stand up, I’d lost sight of the village.
I was alone, soaked, and directionless.
And the storm had only just begun.
Oh no. I might actually die out here.
Regret chewed me up inside. I could’ve been cuddled up in Farr’vye’s warm arms, but of course I’d acted like a moron and would spend my last moments in a cold bed of mud.
Lightning and thunder cracked simultaneously right above my head.
“AHH!”
I screamed, hiding my face.
Suddenly, something touched my arms.
I jerked. It must’ve been the tall stalks falling on top of me.
But then I was lifted. My eyes snapped open, squinting painfully past the rain.
Like a guardian angel, Farr’vye stood in front of me.
He grabbed my body with the ease of somebody picking up a wet rag, then pulled me against his chest. I was pinned in place by his powerful arms.
“Farr’vye?” I cried.
He said nothing. He cradled the back of my head and gently pressed my face into his chest so I couldn’t see anything but him.
If that was his way of telling me to shut up and sit still, I was happy to oblige.
Farr’vye braved the storm. For what felt like hours, he trudged through the overwhelming rain. My heartbeat was tight and strained. I was safe in his arms, but what about him? Was he okay?
“Farr’vye,” I said, barely loud enough to be heard over the rain.
“Shh.”
That was all he said. I meekly obeyed.
Finally, the pouring rain came to an abrupt halt. A door was shut behind us.
I raised my head and blinked the raindrops away. My onesie was soaked and heavy, clinging to my skin like a sopping rag. It was suffocating.
Farr’vye glanced down at me. His gaze was intense, even more so than usual. It sent a shiver along my skin that had nothing to do with the cold.
I wanted to ask if he was okay, but my throat felt constricted. His burning stare reduced me to a silent, wet lump in his arms.
Was he angry? Was he disappointed? Did he still like me after the bullshit I had just pulled?
The final thought wrenched my stomach. I couldn’t live with myself if I’d lost him.
I had never felt this way about anybody before, human or otherwise. The idea of life without him opened a void inside me, an awful and sickening emptiness.
I needed Farr’vye.
Please don’t leave me…
Farr’vye said nothing as he placed me on the ground, then got down on his knees, nearly on top of me. Terrified of saying something stupid, I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to lower Farr’vye’s opinion of me any further.
I searched his expression. His eyes looked distant and a bit glassy. I felt a stab of guilt. Did he feel unwell because of the torrential rain? Oh, god, and it was all my fault…
In a swift and sudden motion, Farr’vye raked his claws down the front of my clothes.
I was too stunned to even gasp. I watched, wide-eyed, as the fabric was split open. The two main pieces fell on either side of my body, exposing my pale chest.
I licked my lips and tried to muster the courage to speak. “Um—”
Farr’vye slashed again. I winced as his claws shredded the lower half of my clothing.
My naked body was exposed.
And Farr’vye was leering at me.
His nostrils flared, and his feelers rose behind him like a churning cloud, flashing in bursts of color. They were beautiful. He was beautiful.
Thunder boomed outside, so loud and powerful that it rocked the hut.
I should’ve been scared, but I was too focused on Farr’vye’s intense stare.
It was almost hypnotizing. Good thing Maeleons didn’t have that ability, or I’d be totally screwed.
I did not have the mental capacity to resist suggestion from a hot alien, nor did I want to.
I ejected the inappropriate idea from my head. Farr’vye was about to scold me for running off like a damned fool. This was not the time to get hard from thinking dirty thoughts.
Glancing up from beneath my eyelashes, I met his gaze abashedly. I was ready for my punishment.
But what came out of Farr’vye’s mouth was: “I am going to fuck you now.”