Chapter 51
LACHLAN
I sit on my front porch as red lights flash in the street, reflecting off my house and Isak’s. There are five cop cars here. My head is aching, and Isak is pressing an ice-filled cloth to my bruises. At least the cut on my forehead has stopped bleeding.
Three sheriff’s deputies are talking to my uncle. I’m telling my side of the story to two others.
“I got home, and my uncle crashed into my room not long after I got out of the shower. Said he knew I was gay. Fisted my shirt and threw me against the wall. Called me a bunch of homophobic slurs. Told me to get out of his fucking house and go be with that—well, he used more slurs for Isak. It pissed me off that he said that about Isak, so I demanded that he take it back. I told him that he wasn’t to ever fucking say anything bad about him—Isak—period.
That he didn’t deserve to be in Isak’s space.
And then he told me I had ten minutes to gather my crap and go.
I told him that if he kicked me out, I’d tell everyone in town what a bigot he was and make sure he’d lose the next election, and then he smacked me in the face. ” It still stings like a motherfucker.
But. I didn’t hit him.
That might make me look weak, but it’s the right decision for me.
“I’m just scared that no one is going to believe me. Or that he’s going to twist everything around.”
“I understand your concern,” Deputy Ramirez says.
“In all honesty, it’s going to be a big help that your friend’s mom got a recording of the incident.
But in addition to that, I want to tell you that I went into policing because I was unable to save my own mother.
” She swallows. “I made it my mission to take domestic violence seriously. Even a misdemeanor can carry jail time.”
“He deserves jail time,” Isak mutters. “And this isn’t the first time he’s hit Lachlan.”
I shake my head. “It’s not. Though it is the first time in a while. He used to do it when I was younger.”
“We’re going to confer with the DA,” Deputy Brown tells me. “Do you want to press charges?”
Fuck. I rub my nose. My skin feels itchy, and I turn away.
“If I try to get Uncle Norm sent to jail, I feel like I’m betraying my family,” I whisper to Isak.
“They’ve betrayed you,” he counters. “For years. They’ve done the bare minimum to keep you alive while showing you off to others. They haven’t earned your loyalty.”
My lip trembles. “And what is everyone going to think? The big football star couldn’t defend himself?”
“Or the football star is stronger in every way, more mature, and a better person than his great-uncle.” Deputy Ramirez gives me a pointed look.
I still don’t like anything about this.
“If you don’t want to press criminal charges, we can get you an emergency protective order that will be in place for about a week,” she continues. “That will give you enough time to file for a domestic violence restraining order.”
Isak looks to me, nothing but love and compassion and support in his eyes.
Even though my hands are shaking, I realize my mind is clear. I’m not having a panic attack. And, miracle of miracles, I don’t want to go find my X-Acto knife. “Maybe. Yeah. That might be what I need.”
Because I don’t want to be around Uncle Norm. I don’t trust him. And while I can control myself, I don’t want to have to, if that makes sense.
Deputy Ramirez walks away to talk with the officers who are still interviewing Uncle Norm. God only knows what he’s telling them. I turn to Isak and hug him again. “Thanks for coming over.”
“I didn’t do much.”
“Yes, you did. You helped a lot.”
Mom approaches us, her eyes red.
“Hey,” I say. “Um. Yeah.”
She gives me a weak smile. “I’m sorry, Lachlan.”
“Okay.” I don’t know what else to say. I’m pissed at her, but it’s complicated.
“I wish I’d done something to stop this sooner,” Isak says. His chin wobbles. “I’m sorry, too.”
“Don’t blame yourself for my fucked up family.” I lean over and kiss him, then realize what I’ve done. I glance at my mother.
She shrugs. “I already knew you and Isak were an item, even before tonight.”
“You did?”
She gives me a you-can’t-fool-me look. “I did. Same-sex relationships weren’t invented in this century, you know. There have always been same-sex couples, and there always will be. No matter what people do to try to squash them down.”
I blink at her. She’s unusually lucid tonight. “And … you don’t mind?”
She sighs. “Would I rather my son not have to deal with the prejudice of dipshits like my uncle? Of course. But that’s for your sake, not because I think you’re going to hell or whatever.
You’re a gentle kid who hates conflict, so this isn’t going to make your life any easier.
Not that you don’t have plenty of experience dealing with conflict already.
I know we yell a lot in this family. And you’ve always hated that.
” She turns to Isak. “Lachlan’s always needed more than we could give him.
Or … needed different, anyway. I think you might be right for him. ”
I can’t believe what she’s saying. “So it’s okay with you for me to be with him?”
“I’m saying you two are adults, and you don’t need me to be okay with it. But if you do, yes, you have my blessing.” She shakes her head. “I’ll be arguing with Norm about it, but what’s one more thing to argue about?”
Isak has his arm around me, and I watch as Rochelle clears her throat and looks at my mom, who gives her a tight smile.
“Can we talk?” Rochelle asks.
A muscle in Mom’s jaw jumps, but she says, “Yes, sure.”
“Kylene, I owe you an apology. When Henrik and I were divorcing …” Rochelle looks down at her hands, then faces my mom again. “It was a tough time.”
While Mom looks confused, she nods, and I see the vestiges of their old friendship in the concern in her eyes.
“It took years before it all got settled, and even after that, I was worn out. It was all I could do to go to work, take care of Isak, and go to bed.”
Again, Mom nods.
Rochelle rakes her fingers through her hair. “What I’m trying to say is, I wasn’t there for you when you were going through … when James and Denise got in the accident. And I’m sorry.”
This is clearly not what Mom was expecting. She blinks. “Okay.”
“I was just trying to get through the day. To survive. I had no energy left to be there for anyone else, not even my oldest friend.” Rochelle’s eyes fill with tears. “Again, I’m sorry.”
“Um. Thanks.”
“And this probably isn’t the time to bring this up, but I’ve been putting it off too long, so—I think you might need to get some help.
With the medication, I mean. So you can be there for Lachlan and Ivy.
For Quinton. You don’t have to agree to anything right now, but I wanted to make the offer: If you want a break—”
“I don’t need—”
Rochelle cuts her off. “I know this is coming out of the blue, but maybe tomorrow we could get together for tea or coffee and have a good chat. I let you down before, but if there’s any way I can support you now, I’d be glad to do it.”
Mom nods slowly. “Sure, we can do that.”
“And I’m going to ask Lachlan to move in.” Rochelle smiles at me. “If you want, and if that’s okay with Isak. His room is big enough for two.”
“Please,” Isak says to me. “You need a new environment. A new perspective. A new home. With us.”
I nod. “If you’ll be okay in the house without me, Mom.”
“You shouldn’t worry about me,” Mom says. And she hugs me for the first time in years.
Rochelle smiles. “Then it’s settled.”
The police take forever to leave, but when they do, they take my uncle with them. At first, he was fuming and shouting about getting the deputies fired, but by the end he seems to have exhausted himself and settled into a sullen silence. I hope he spends the night in jail.
I breathe out a sigh of relief.
Deputy Ramirez hands me papers for the emergency protective order, and I go into my house, Isak trailing behind me.
“What do you want to bring with you tonight?” he asks as we look around my room.
I shrug. “Everything? Nothing?”
Proving that he knows what matters to me, he grabs my poetry notebook, my pillow, and my favorite Albrecht College hat. I fill up a duffel bag with clothes, and then I turn off the light and don’t look back.
In Isak’s living room, Rochelle hugs me. “You’re a good kid, Lachlan, and you deserve to be happy. I love you.”
Why can she say it but no one in my family can? It brings tears to my eyes.
I hug her back. “I love you, too.”
“It’s late. Go to sleep, you two.”
She locks the front door and turns off the lights, and I follow Isak into his room.
“This is your room, too, now,” he says. He throws my pillow onto his bed, and I set my bag on the floor. He sits and pulls me to him by my waist. I step between his spread legs, and he shifts and keeps pulling me with him until we’re fully on his bed, me on top of him. He looks up at me. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I lean down and kiss him, but I’m worn out, and I think he can tell.
Isak moves us so he’s spooning me, and I begin to tremble. My eyes are burning. “It’s okay to cry,” he whispers.
So I do. I break down in his arms, sobbing.
Isak holds me through it, whispering soothing words in my ear.
Eventually, I fall asleep, cradled in his arms.
In the morning, I turn off the countdown app on my phone.