Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
The balcony door creaks open behind me. I don’t turn; I’ll always know the weight of those footsteps anywhere. “Well,” Bear says warmly. “That looked like it hurt.”
I huff a weak laugh. “You always show up right after the implosion.”
“Timing is my only talent sweetheart.” He steps beside me and offers his hand. “Come on. One dance. I’ll make it fun, Flossie.”
I hesitate, glaring at him in warning, then take his hand. He spins me, not gracefully, but just enough to make my skirts flare and pull a laugh from my chest I didn’t know I still had after all of that. We sway under the moonlight, barely dancing. It’s the carelessness of it that eases me.
“You know,” he says casually, “there’s a rumor going around that you’re terrifying.”
Bear wraps his hands around my waist and lifts me onto his polished loafers.
It reminds me of the first time my father tried to show me how to dance, my little feet on his boots, swaying in the living room.
Except, Bear is not a fatherly figure, and his shoes look like they’re about to combust from the pressure of his abnormally large feet.
I snort. “Lies.”
Bear nods seriously. “Mm-hmm. But personally, I think you’re a menace.”
I laugh, swatting his arm.
We turn once more, slower now. Then, he sobers just a little. “Real talk, of why I’m out here— I do enjoy your charming company, but we have business to discuss.”
“Okay, go on.”
“You don’t need anyone,” he begins. “You never did. You’re a badass all on your own. You really are the all-mighty alpha woman. You may fall from time to time… but you always rise. Like one of them dang whack-a-mole rats that just won’t stay down.”
I can’t help but burst into laughter, feeling the energy of his tone.
“But,” he continues gently, “that doesn’t mean you have to do everything alone forever.”
I don’t answer, I just sink into him, allowing him to carry me in our dance. Bear nods toward the window. Nyx stands now in the shadow, exactly where he belongs. Not watching the room, but watching me. “He doesn’t want to tame you— I don’t think anyone ever could.”
I follow his gaze as it returns to the city.
“But he’d be a hell of a man at your side…
I’m not saying choose him right now,” Bear says quickly.
“I’m saying, don’t let the wrong love teach you that all love costs you yourself.
” He squeezes my hand once. Brotherly. “The right love doesn’t make you smaller,” he says.
“It gives you somewhere to land when you come back from the fight. Something tells me you’ve never had anywhere to land. Even before T.A.L.O.N.”
The music blares inside again. Bear grins. “Besides,” he adds, stepping back as he sets me down, “if it goes sideways, I’ll owe Nina fifty bucks.”
I laugh again, punching his shoulder. “Thank you,” I say quietly.
He winks. “Anytime, Angry Bones.”
Bear releases me and turns to walk back inside. “My idea backfired by the way,” he chuckles, hovering in the door.”
I cock my head. “What?”
He sighs. “The women won’t approach me because of you.”
I snort, covering my mouth as the ugly sound escapes my throat. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s the reason.”
He blows me a kiss and then disappears back inside, leaving me with my thoughts.
The music from the ballroom fades behind the glass doors, dulling to a heartbeat instead of a roar. I grip the railing, grounding myself in the cool stone and sprinkling rain. I stare out at a city that has no idea how close I came to disappearing from it.
“I don’t know how to do this part,” I whisper. The words begin to flow out before I can stop them.
My throat tightens and suddenly, I’m not talking to the skyline anymore.
“Mom?” I breathe. The name feels like a bruise I keep pressing, hoping one day it won’t hurt the same way.
“They keep calling me strong,” I murmur.
“Like it’s something I chose.” My chest aches, deeper than the despair I felt strapped in that collar.
Deeper than the dark I’ve allowed to consume me for so long.
“I was so tired in that warehouse,” I admit.
“I was scared, but it was, simple. Survive. Breathe. Get through the next second.” I shakily exhale.
“Now I’m free and everything somehow feels heavier. ”
The wind lifts my hair gently, almost familiar.
Like fingers running through it. “I asked God for one more day,” I whisper.
“Just one.” My hands curl into fists now as I begin to pace.
“And he gave it to me.” The tears come quietly now, slipping without permission.
“I told him I wouldn’t waste it, but I also don’t know what to do with it. He didn’t tell me.”
I swallow hard, lifting my face to the rain.
“God, I don’t want to waste this,” I whisper.
“I don’t want to survive just to keep fighting forever.
I don’t want to harden myself so much anymore that I can’t love.
I don’t want to disappoint you. Or them.
” My voice cracks on the last word. “I know there has to be more to this pain and war inside me, more to being the one who never breaks.”
A tear drops onto my knuckles as I settle against the edge. “So, please,” I whisper. “Be my shepherd. Help me to trust you with tomorrow. Show me the way.”
The wind shifts again, lightning cracks in the distance, followed by a loud boom of thunder. Not a voice. Not a command. Just peace.
The door suddenly swings open behind me, and Nina steps out. Her lips move rapidly as she spews Italian curses into the night. “I’ve been looking for you! We need you!”
I quickly swipe away the tears, my senses tingling at her urgency. “What is it, what’s wrong.” I reach beneath my dress, drawing a blade from my ankle.
Nina halts, her face frozen in horror. She slaps a hand over her mouth, stifling a laugh. “Put that thing up and get in here—actually, give me that,” she demands, swiping it from my hand.
I sniffle. “I have more.”
She rolls her eyes, grabbing my hand. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
We enter the ballroom and she links her arm through mine, planting us at the bottom of the stage stairway.
“What’re we doing?” I ask, looking around to all the units seated.
Scott stands at the podium, his voice booming through the speakers. Talia stands beside him with a plaque positioned in her hand.
“Good evening,” he begins. “Tonight is meant to celebrate unity, progress, and the agents who stand between order and chaos, often without recognition. Most of the work we honor in this room happens quietly. In places no one sees. At costs few ever understand.” He scans the room confidently, meeting everyone’s skittish gaze.
“There are leaders who command from above. And then there are leaders who stand in the breach.”
He pauses, as if collecting himself. “Florence Belcher is the latter. She does not lead by volume or bravado. She leads by presence. By instinct. By an unshakable refusal to back down. In the field she is decisive, relentless and unyielding. But what sets her apart is not her lethality, it’s her loyalty. ”
The air evaporates from my lungs, my knees weakening.
Nina squeezes my arm, holding me upright. “She carries the Greyline Unit the way others carry weapons. With intention. With full knowledge of what it costs. Under her command, units don’t just complete missions. They come home.”
Scott turns to me, gesturing for me to come forward.
“Florence has faced circumstances that would have broken most people in this room. And still, she chooses purpose over fear. This commendation is not just for surviving. It is for leading when survival was the easy part. For standing when retreat was justified. Florence, this organization is stronger, because of you. And so are the people who serve beside you. It is my honor tonight, to present you with the Vanguard Leadership Commendation.”
Each table rises, whistles and applause roaring throughout the room. A table in the corner of the room abruptly screeches across the floor. Bear steadies it as his chair falls backward, lifting a hand for me to go on.
Talia hands me the plaque, her smile proud and pleasant. I turn back to Nina; her iPhone held high with Cici’s sobbing face plastered on Facetime. I lift my gaze to the audience, inhaling a sharp breath. I grip the plaque with one hand, and my stomach with the other.
“Thank you,” I begin, my voice even. “For the trust, not the applause.” I swallow, glancing down at the podium.
“I didn’t come here tonight expecting this—I honestly had no clue.
I don’t do this job for recognition. Most of us don’t.
When I took this position, I was warned the work would be dangerous.
That it would cost me things. They were right. ”
A pause. Voices begin to murmur across the room in waves.
Scott shifts on his feet behind me, but I continue.
“What no one warned me about was that it would give back.” I breathe, collecting myself.
“I was brought in to help save these wolves in need. To protect something wild that couldn’t protect itself.
But somewhere along the way, the work did something unexpected.
” I swallow as my throat begins to tighten.
“It saved me too.” I turn toward Scott and Talia, grounding myself.
“Scott. Talia. Thank you, for seeing something in me years ago when I didn’t have the language for it yet.
For choosing me before I was ready to choose myself.
I’ve never forgotten that.” I face forward again.
“This award doesn’t belong to me alone. It belongs to the Greyline Unit who went into the dark with me when there was no promise of return.
To the ones who stood their ground. To the ones who came back, and to the ones who taught me what it means to lead without trying to own what you protect. ”
A door at the back quietly swings open, and Jett cautiously steps in, using a cane for support.
Ana follows behind him, her tender smile comforting my heart.
They shuffle along the wall until they find a spot to lean against it and nod for me to continue.
“Strength isn’t what kept me here. Purpose did.
Responsibility did. And the belief that some days are given to you for more than just surviving them. ”
I lift my chin confidently. “The wolves taught me something I didn’t understand back then, that you don’t survive by standing alone. I’m thankful tonight, that I serve with a team who never let me.”
A wretched sob echoes throughout the room, Bear stands, his eyes bright red, and face scrunched tight as his tears begin to pour. His applause is slow but meaningful. The others stand swiftly, half alarmed, following his lead.
“Thank you.” I step back, my chin held high as the thunder booms behind me, swirling with the echo of applause.
It rings in my ears as I step down from the stage.
The plaque in my hand feels heavier than it should.
Not in a bad way. Just… true. I slip through the crowd and set it down on the table.
Nina trots up to the table and wraps her fingers around my arm.
“Well earned,” she says as she slides her hand down, snatching my wrist.
Ana sneaks up, latching onto the other.
“Oh no,” I warn immediately. Their smiles are dangerous as they lug me to the open floor.
Before I can protest, the DJ abruptly abandons the slow waltz and crashes the system into something upbeat, with brass and rhythm that sends a ripple of surprised laughter and hoots through the ballroom. Nina slips off her heels.
“Don’t you dare,” I laugh, looking back to our table as if it can grow legs and carry me out of here.
“Too late,” she replies. Ana giggles as they drag me farther to the middle.
I’m trying to maintain some level of dignity, nodding to the other dancers as we shoulder past them.
Ana attempts some kind of spin that nearly takes out a passing diplomat and Nina laughs so hard she doubles over before yanking me into the music.
I hesitate, looking for an exit. But across the room, Nyx’s eyes find mine.
He’s leaning against the column, arms folded, with a short plastic cup dangling in his hand.
He only watches, but it’s the curve of his lips that make me pause.
The chaos seems to melt away as he raises his cup, and nods once. That’s all I need.
I’m laughing before I even realize it, resuming myself to the moment. The heavy skirts of my gown twist around my legs as Nina twirls me fast.
“Well hell,” A voice booms from across the room. I point at Bear immediately as he plows through the crowd.
“Bear, no—” But it’s too late. The massive man barrels to our circle on the dance floor like a freight train and scoops me clean off my feet.
I yelp as he spins me once before setting me back down.
My gown flares around me as Nina sings and Ana claps to the beat the of the music.
The women move like flowing water, effortless and mesmerizing.
I try my best to mimic them, rolling my hips and my shoulders to the beat.
Within seconds, the four of us have completely abandoned any attempt at grace.
Bear’s hands are on his knees, twerking away.
I spin an invisible rope above my head, before lassoing Ana toward me. She hops my way, squealing as we collide. I sneak a glance toward our table. Jasper sits back in his chair, talking quietly with Jett, both of them watching our chaos with amused expressions.
For a brief second, our eyes meet. He offers a small nod.
It’s not sad… it’s understanding. My gaze drifts past them back to Nyx still tucked into the shadow of the column.
He hasn’t moved, eyes still locked onto my figure like the rest of the room doesn’t exist. The kind of look that says he’s exactly where he wants to be.
Watching and waiting. Letting me have this moment.
The music swells again as Nina grabs my hands and spins me back to them.
An ugly laugh escapes me as I tilt my head back, breathing in the night.