7. Lennon
Chapter seven
Lennon
When I woke up today, Shelby told me she was taking me somewhere, and to not ask any questions. That usually ends up badly for the two of us, but I went with it. What else was I going to do? The somewhere was the hair salon. It had been so long since I was allowed to maintain my appearance; my hair has grown to my lower back, and I never liked to have it quite this long. Two hours later, I had my hair cut just past my shoulders, styled in beach waves, and a manicure. We finished our excursion at Target where I was able to get my own clothes and hygiene products. When I got home, I wrote down the amount so I could pay Shelby back. I know she won’t accept cash, so I will buy her something that she can’t say no to.
Now I’m helping my brother get dinner ready when Shelby walks in with the kids. Cash was never that great in the kitchen, so I end up taking over so our dinner doesn’t get burnt. No one wants to eat a dry, over-cooked chicken breast. My heart warms when instead of going to say hi to their dad, they run straight over to me, grabbing my hands, and pulling me into the living room. I’ve missed out on so much of their life, and I don’t want to miss another second of it. Listening to them excitedly tell me about their day, makes me think of Rosie. I want to check on her to make sure that she is okay, it is never too soon to learn self-confidence.
Maybe I should work on my confidence, before I try to instill that into a five-year-old.
“Aunt Lennon?” Crosby is such a mini-Cash, if you put their baby pictures together, you wouldn’t be able to tell who was who. They both have dirty blond hair, Crosby’s being slightly darker, and blueish grey eyes. My brother and my best friend really said copy and paste because Saylor is Shelby’s twin with her almost black hair and bright blue eyes. I let out a small laugh because these kids are going to give their parents a run for their money when they are teenagers .
I can’t wait to sit on the sidelines with my popcorn.
“Yeah, buddy?” Crosby scoots closer to me, looking over into the kitchen at his parents before he directs his attention back to me. “Are you going to stay with us? I don’t want you to get hurt anymore and if you stay here, me and Daddy will make sure no one hurts you.”
Crap. I do not want to break down in front of the kids, but my nephew just obliterated what is left of my heart. If I didn’t know before this, I will never be able to leave Pine Creek again. I refuse to leave my family again. Granted, my plan was to always come back.
“Oh, sweet boy. I promise that I’m not leaving again. And I will feel so much better about you and your daddy watching out for me.” Saylor climbs into my lap, while I wrap one arm around her and the other around Crosby. I don’t know how long we sit snuggled on the couch, but it is the first time I have felt content in a long time.
We eat dinner, and I’m so glad that I don’t freak out like the last dinner we ate together. Crosby tells us about the new student in his class, and that Rosie wasn’t in school today. I hope she is okay. Once everyone is finished eating, I start to clean up dinner while Cash starts bath time with the kids. Once the kitchen is cleaned up, Shelby pours us a glass of wine and instructs me to follow her. I do what my friend says and follow her to the rocking chairs on the back porch.
“Remember when the librarian forgot about you, and you got locked in at the library? You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t want to call Cash. So, you called me. I thought that I could pick the lock.” We both burst into laughter, reminiscing about our fifteen-year-old selves.
I contain my laughter and take another drink of Pinot Grigio before I pick up where she left off on this ridiculous story. “Instead of going to the back door, you tried to pick the lock on the front door. Where anyone could see you! And you just so happened to be doing this when the chief passed by on his way home…with Scottie in the car.” That was not a fun night. I was fifteen and went to the library to work on my term paper and got sidetracked in the romance aisle, and Ruth, the seventy-year-old librarian, forgot that I was in the building when she left. When the chief got me out of the library, he called mine and Shelby’s parents, and Scottie texted my brother and Hayes. Everyone had a good laugh at my expense, while Shelby got grounded for a week for her attempt at picking the lock.
Shelby takes my hand in hers and gives me a light squeeze. “We used to tell each other everything. Knew everything about each other. Why didn’t you tell me how bad it was? You know that I would have been there, and you also know that I will hide a body for you.” My friend doesn’t sound mad, she sounds hurt. Which is worse. And I know she would do anything for me, including hiding a hypothetical body.
That is the question. Well, one of them. Why was I so stupid? Why did I wait so long to leave? Why did I allow myself to fall for someone like Connor? Those are loaded questions. “I wish I knew how to explain everything. He sucked everything good out of me. I had no way to tell you or Cash. But I was brought out of the fog this last time. I knew that if I didn’t leave that he would kill me.”
We drink our wine in silence until Cash comes outside and joins us with a beer. Never one to sit in silence, he wastes no time to start a conversation, “Kids are down. They have now teamed up and are both asking for another dog. Rosie is rubbing off on them.” We all laugh at the statement, because from what I’ve seen of the young girl, she can be very persuasive. Shelby and Cash lost Hershey, a twelve-year-old lab that Shelby brought with her into the relationship last year and haven’t been in a hurry to get another dog yet. But I guess the kids have decided that it is time.
Am I going to have to buy all the kids puppies? Probably.
It’s nice sitting out here, having wine, having a conversation that doesn’t end in yelling or a punch being thrown. I get to hear about Cash’s heating and cooling business, and all the changes Shelby has made to the diner. I am so proud of them. They have done amazing for themselves and their family.
While I have no idea what to do next with my life, they are somehow thriving in chaos.
After about an hour, I head to the apartment while Cash and Shelby go inside to get ready for bed. With two kids, two businesses, and a house to keep running, morning comes fast. Once I am showered and in my cozy pajamas, I grab the laptop and climb into bed. I haven’t slept well since my parents died, so ending my day reading and writing calms my mind.
It’s surprising how fast this story is coming together. As soon as my fingers touch the keys, I can’t keep up with the words that are escaping. I’m not writing about my experience, but the pain and heartache…I know how to describe that. If my words touch one person in a positive way: that’s good enough for me. I know what is like to feel like you are alone in your pain. That no one would understand, when in reality, there are a maddening number of people that have been hurt by the person they thought they loved.
Why is it that the people closest to you, who should handle your heart with care, often end up hurting you the most?