Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
Ristretto
Celeste
After my week of crashing on Delaney’s couch, by Friday early afternoon I’m down two mimosas as Ariel starts singing Part of Your World.
“Okay nails are done, what colour do you want on your toes? Maybe pink for Pinky on your pinky? Get it?” Delaney coos at me while shoving three different shades of bubble gum pink nail polish in my face. A smile cracks my lips despite how gloomy I still feel inside.
“I want black.” I level her with a stare, daring her to say anything to change my mind.
“Fine, but I’m doing accent designs on your big toes.”
I sigh and wave off the suggestion. In all honesty Delaney could do whatever she wants.
She’s a giver, and I know that it hurts her to see me so upset.
We take turns pacifying each other through nail polish, drinking, and Disney movies.
She’s missing Ellora and I’m…well, we’re just there for each other.
The credits roll and Delaney pops out the old VHS tape she’s kept in stellar condition and delicately slots it into the rewinder. The nineties were truly a time.
“What would you like to watch next, Pinky?” Delaney asks as she pulls out the bin of the other hundred old school VHS tapes she’s kept in pristine condition since her childhood.
She has reiterated several times today that watching movies from their original VHS version releases some sort of visual magic that the kids these days just wouldn’t understand.
To be honest, sometimes I don’t even understand what Delaney is referencing, but the nostalgic clunking of the player attached to the chunky TV brings me a comfort that is unmatched.
“Anything Mary-Kate and Ashley pre–Holiday In The Sun,” I reply, topping up my grapefruit mimosa.
I have an inkling that because the word “pink” is in my last name, Delaney believes that I need to be surrounded by pink things while I wallow.
It’s also the last of her alcohol in her bid to rid the apartment of anything that might trigger Ellie.
I have to say the pink drink is definitely more uplifting than a lot of other colours, like all the muddy ones that reflect my insides.
I pull the fuzzy pink blanket up to my chin with one hand, while my other hand tips the plastic champagne flute to my mouth as I take a large gulp.
I feel another one of those moments I’ve been having all week, when my heart hurts and I want to sob but don’t have any tears left.
“Tell me more about you and Ellie. How exactly did you meet again?” I ask, trying to absorb some of Delaney’s glow as she lights up at Ellie’s name and the opportunity to talk about her.
“Well,” Delaney starts, pausing the VHS for full effect.
“We were both attending a theatre retreat on the east coast. Collectively the attendees put on a production and then run through the various ways to improve through vocals, lighting, design, costume, et cetera. I was with the other divas getting a costume fitting and was paired with Ellie. I had seen her mulling about with the set design crew so I hadn’t realized she was a seamstress.
She’d made that dress fit me like a glove.
” Delaney hugs herself and closes her eyes, seemingly reminiscing on her and Ellie’s meet-cute moment.
When Delaney opens her eyes again, they’re softer.
Warmer. “Ellie came up to me at the end of the retreat and said how impressive my vocals were and that I had something special in me. At first I thought she was just a fan of my range, but then she asked me on a date.” She shrugs, a sheepish smile tugging at her lips.
“It was clear we were both very into each other and wanted it to continue. She said we could talk about moving closer to each other once she was done with her program in costume design over there, and she could look into a set design program over here. The rest is history. Well, current affairs anyway.”
“A real fairy tale,” I remark, even as a hint of sadness washes over me. I’m so happy for Delaney and Ellie, I just wish I had even an ounce of that fairytale magic. Delaney gives my hand a squeeze then turns back to the TV and presses the play button on the VHS player.
Just as the FBI warning on piracy flashes across the old television screen my phone buzzes on the bed between Delaney and me.
Dominic’s nickname flashes across the screen.
I look up to meet Delaney’s face, down at the phone, then up at Delaney again, continuing my indecisive ping-ponging until it goes to voicemail.
“You okay there, Pinky?”
“Yeah…I, um, I’m okay.” I stumble over my words, my heart catching in my throat.
This is the first time Dominic’s tried contacting me in a few days since Delaney messaged him to give me space.
“I just wasn’t expecting his call so quickly.
” I stare at the phone. “We haven’t spoken yet.
I-I don’t know what to say.” I feel a few tears welling up on my bottom lash line as I look at Delaney.
“Oh sweetie, that’s okay.” She takes my glass and puts it on her side table before taking my hand in both of hers as she folds her legs underneath her, scooting closer. “You don’t need to have anything figured out or know what to say. Do you want to hear what he has to say and then think on it?”
She passes me my phone to show me the red notification mark of an unheard voicemail.
I sigh, taking it in my hands. I want to hear his voice.
I want to go back to joking about the genre-hopping he does with his books while he makes fun of my clumsiness.
I want squash this insane urge to eat ice squid ink cream.
I want…I just want to be around him again.
We fell into familiarity so easily it became habitual.
I felt more authentic with him, like I didn’t need to pretend to be happy when I wasn’t.
Even if we only ever stayed as friends I’d appreciate what we had in that friendship. Would that be enough though?
“Delaney, I think I—” my phone buzzes in my hand again. Dominic’s nickname flashing across the screen like neon lights. It buzzes twice before I slide my thumb across to answer. Clearing my throat and swallowing, I bring the phone to my ear.
“H-Hello?” I try to answer as calmly as possible but the wobble in my voice gives away my trepidation.
“Celeste, your mom, it’s your mom. She’s in an ambulance going to the hospital. She just collapsed, I… I’m so sorry.”
I think …What? What did he just say?
“What did you just say?” I whisper back into the phone praying to anything that will listen that I heard him wrong.
That he did not just use the words “mom” and “hospital” in the same sentence.
I can’t breathe. I feel a cold, clammy sweat break out over my entire body.
I’m holding my breath waiting for what feels like a millennium for Dominic to respond on the other end.
My ear is pressed so hard into the phone it aches.
“Hoot,” his voice comes out soft, distant, and so sad.
“Don’t. Just tell me what you meant about my mom.” I hear him taking a deep breath on the other end, but my panic is rising. “Quickly, please, Dom!”
“I’m sorry, we were just having tea. We had done some gardening, no. That was yesterday. I did the eaves…before, but then she wasn’t looking so good.”
He’s rambling. He never rambles.
“Dominic! Tell me what the fuck is going on!” I yell through the receiver.
“She collapsed, Celeste. We were talking then she just collapsed. I called 9-1-1 and we’re on our way to the hospital right now.
I’m so sorry, Hoot,” Dominic continues to apologize, but I’ve already put my phone down on Delaney’s bed, scrambling out of the fluffy comforter and blanket nest trying to find my wallet and keys.
“Celeste, what’s wrong? What’s going on?” Delaney follows after me in a panic.
Stunned and suddenly frozen in place, I desperately try to suck in a deep breath, but I feel like I’m trapped below the surface of a frozen lake.
Unable to break through the surface. My eyes shift to Delaney’s face, her brown eyes wide in worry.
She’s asking me something but all I hear is static fuzz.
No. You’ve survived worse. Fucking get it together, Celeste, for Mom.
Slowly the world around me comes back into focus.
“Mom. My mom, I have to go.” Reaching for my purse on Delaney’s coffee table I’m trying to think of Dominic’s words.
“She collapsed. Dominic was there?” I question, more to myself, because how my two worlds are colliding right now is not making sense in my brain.
Why would Dominic know my mother or be talking to her? Having tea with her?
Not important Celeste! Focus!
I run to the foyer and grab my keys from the heart-shaped dish at the front door.
“…it’s your mom…hospital…collapsed… sorry.”
Dominic’s words play on repeat in my head over and over again until the overlapping words form a constant buzzing in my brain as if I shoved my head inside a beehive. I bump into something and drop my keys. I try to reach down, but my cheeks are wet and hands are on my shoulders.
“Celeste, stop for one second, please. You can’t drive, you’ve had like three mimosas.
I’ll drive you.” Delaney tenderly wipes tears from my cheeks that won’t stop falling.
“Give me your keys, keep Dom on the line so I can figure out where we’re going okay?
Can you do that, Pink?” She’s speaking softly to me like I’m the most delicate porcelain figurine and even a whisper would send me to shards.
Breakable. I’m breaking.
“You’re not breaking, sweetie, I’m right here and we will go see your mom right now.”
I didn’t realize I said that aloud. I follow Delaney in a haze, walking to my car. The only sounds are my hiccups and soft sobs, Dominic’s words play on loop in my head.
“Celeste, your mom, it’s your mom. She’s in an ambulance going to the hospital. She just collapsed, I-I’m so sorry.”
It’s your mom.
It’s your mom.
It’s your mom.