Chapter Forty-One
Gabi
Gabi was just on her way home from physio at the gym the next day when she spotted Etienne, Fox and Alex going into the local coffee shop.
She couldn’t help but check behind them for Walker, but maybe he was on shift.
She hadn’t seen him, or heard from him, since the game launch at The Bolthole.
That was probably for the best, seeing as he thought he could tell her how to live her life.
So, why was she still looking for him? She decided to pop in and say hello to the guys.
The men were seated in a corner booth nursing coffees by the time she got to the counter and placed her order.
Etienne exclaimed and pointed at her, which was a bit odd, saying, ‘Hi, Gabi! We’ve been meaning to come and talk to you.
’ Fox looked up from the message he was writing and slipped his phone in his pocket.
Alex collected her coffee for her and carried it to their table.
They all scooted around to make room for her, propping her crutches against the wall.
‘Looking for me?’ she said, feeling strangely pleased, but then she noticed their furrowed brows and frowns, and the way Fox ran his hands distractedly through his hair, rather than showering her with his usual flirty banter. ‘What’s up?’
‘Have you heard from Walker?’ Etienne asked abruptly.
‘Not since he carried me and my crutches out of The Bolthole,’ she said, trying to make a joke of it, but they didn’t laugh. ‘Why?’
They exchanged sombre glances and Alex sighed. ‘Because he’s not been seen since.’
Etienne showed her his phone. ‘He’s not responding to any messages. From anyone.’
Fox shook his head. ‘Walker’s just . . . disappeared.’
Gabi’s stomach sank. A bad feeling crept in.
‘So, have you heard from him?’ Etienne asked again.
‘We’re not exactly talking right now . . .’ Gabi said. Etienne’s fingers drummed the table.
‘After he carried you out, he didn’t come back into the party. We presumed that you guys may have gone home together,’ Alex said.
‘Believe me, he didn’t want me anywhere near him.’ Gabi blew on her coffee, remembering the set of Walker’s clenched jaw, the look on his face as she left him on the pavement.
‘When I went in his room the morning after The Bolthole to see if he was home, the duvet was on the floor, and there was a glass knocked over on the carpet,’ Alex said.
‘That, in itself, doesn’t sound like much, but Walker likes a tidy room.
He makes his bed every time he gets out of it, so that it’s nice to get back in after a late-night shift.
It’s one of his things.’ Gabi remembered the quiet order of the bedroom, the sense of calm she had felt there.
‘And since then, he hasn’t been home. It’s been more than twenty-four hours. ’
Gabi glanced from one to the other of the men and saw her concern mirrored in their eyes. Her chest tightened and she knew deep inside that something wasn’t right.
‘I messaged his sister and she’s not heard from him,’ Fox said.
‘And Rosie has tried him several times too and he’s not even replied to her,’ Etienne said. ‘And they’re best friends.’
‘What happened with you two after you left?’ Fox asked.
‘Because it looks like you were the last person to see him,’ Alex added.
‘You’re making it sound like a crime scene,’ Gabi said, not wanting to tell them. Feeling suddenly ashamed of the things she’d said, the way she’d acted. All three men leaned their elbows on the table. There was nothing else for it: she had to confess.
‘We had a fight,’ Gabi said with a grimace. ‘I was pissed off that he’d carried me out in front of everyone and told him so. In return, he told me what he thought of me.’ She dropped her eyes under their scrutiny, but when she glanced up again, they were all still staring at her.
‘What exactly was said?’ Fox asked gently. She bit her lip until it hurt before replying.
‘I called him a frightened little boy and told him to fuck off,’ she whispered.
‘Fuck off and sort himself out, rather than keep trying to save everyone else.’ She saw a ripple of shock pass over Fox’s face and started to gabble.
‘It sounds awful now. I just said it in the heat of the moment to hurt him.’ She could feel the heat of a flush on her neck, her cheeks, and she put her hands to her face in shame.
A silence settled across the booth as the men exchanged glances. Eventually, Etienne spoke.
‘Unfortunately, I think he’s taken you at your word and fucked off,’ he said. ‘It’s not like him at all.’
The anxiety between them was rising. Alex turned to Gabi again.
‘What did you mean – when you called Walker a frightened little boy and told him to sort himself out?’
Gabi paused, seeing the total confusion on his face. She wasn’t sure how much they knew about what Walker had been through.
‘Just because I think he’s caught up in the past . . .’ she said, measuring her words. Not wanting to discuss Walker’s secret without him there.
Fox shook his head, confused. Alex and Etienne looked at each other blankly. They didn’t know. Not about his past, or how deeply he hated himself. Walker had only told her, and she had thrown it back in his face.
‘It doesn’t make sense . . .’ Fox said. ‘He’s normally so reliable.’
‘Something’s definitely not right,’ Alex agreed.
‘Call us – or tell Isabella – if you hear from him?’ Etienne asked and Gabi collected her crutches and stumbled out, assuring them she’d call them immediately with any updates.
She hobbled home, hating herself with every step. She had a bad feeling about this. What if Walker had done something stupid? Would it be her fault? She’d basically taunted him into it.
She’d known how haunted Walker still was by his friend’s death.
She’d felt it after she’d seen him wake after that first nightmare, and then he’d laid his heart bare in his bedroom when he told her the full story.
She should have taken him more seriously, spent more time checking he was okay.
But no, she’d just been terrified about what she’d told him: the secrets about her childhood, the loneliness of her past. All she’d cared about was hightailing it out of there first thing in the morning, before he even woke up, because she was a bit freaked out, feeling she’d shared too much.
She’d shared too much. The irony was not lost on her any more.
She couldn’t bear to consider how he might have felt waking to an empty bed after that.
No wonder he wanted nothing to do with her.
He’d told her his worst fears and she’d swept them aside.
She was the worst kind of person there was.
It made it worse when she realised that none of the guys knew about Murray. The weight that came with knowing Walker had chosen her to share something that important sat heavily on her chest.
If she could be in one of the films she’d starred in where they travelled through time, she’d go back to that moment when he was standing by the window.
She’d encourage him to talk more. She’d lead him back to bed and, most importantly, she’d be there when he woke up.
She’d talk more in the morning. They could look at counsellors together.
She would plan a road trip with him to Scotland to visit the grave if that would help.
Anything, anything would be better than what she had actually done in real life.
Run away, like she always did. Put herself first – because nobody else ever did.
Wait. She stopped, key in the front door at Amber’s, tracing her own thoughts back a step. Plan a road trip to Scotland if it would help. And just like that, she knew where he was, with a certainty inside her that took her breath away.
‘Scotland,’ she said out loud. ‘Of course.’
She wracked her brains for something more specific and heard Walker’s broken, tired voice telling her the secrets of his nightmares.
Our house was on the edge of Loch Leven, overlooking St Serf’s Island.
She looked at her boot on the doorstep and then glanced at Amber’s car in the driveway. She sighed in frustration and weighed up her options. She couldn’t drive. But she could call a taxi. She started to dial as she picked up her overnight bag.