44. Darcy
Darcy
The ref blew the whistle, and my team ran to the sidelines, where I was waiting.
My middle school soccer team was squabbling—mostly Lashana and Otis.
Because of it, they were losing to another team that wasn’t as good as them.
This was the first soccer tournament on the new West City grounds, and I’d spent months organizing this event.
I’d been looking forward to it even longer.
But I wished I were somewhere else. Beside a woman with curls and curves and enough edge to keep me in place. She was across town in an office I vowed never to enter, but right now, I’d have given anything to be at that meeting.
“Whose mother is that?” Otis pointed to the sidelines, where parents were lined up. “She’s looking for someone.”
I glanced up, wishing he would focus on the game, and my heart stuttered.
The woman’s curly hair was whipping around her head in the afternoon wind.
She was wearing a white shirt and jeans, searching around or lost. Based on her curly hair and her long strides, she looked suspiciously like Lizzy, but it couldn’t be her.
I’d certainly imagined her, because I was obsessively thinking about her day and night.
She curved a hand over her eyes. Now, she was looking down the sidelines at all the parents, as though searching for someone. Me? The wind blew her hair over her face again, and impatiently, she took a scrunchie off her wrist and thrust her hair into a messy bun.
I knew that gesture. She was definitely Lizzy.
That awareness of her struck my heart, swift and urgent.
I hadn’t told her yet about Seb taking on Jane’s case.
I was worried Seb would mess up or quit out of spite, and I didn’t want to get her family’s hopes up.
Maybe Seb had already botched things for us and Lizzy was here to tell me off.
Or she was upset I didn’t fill her in on my plans.
Come to think of it, I hadn’t said much of anything to her about Jane’s turmoil.
I’d been so focused on helping her, on facing Seb in the process, that I’d kept quiet.
Probably the wrong choice, and she needed to know that.
I took a step toward her. Then I looked at the kids and reminded myself I couldn’t run to her right now.
She strode behind the lineup of parents, still searching.
I’m right here, Lizzy. Can’t you see me? I raised my hand, but she was looking in the other direction.
I turned to the two parents who were deputy coaches.
“Have you got this?” I pointed in Lizzy’s direction. “I can see my, um, friend is lost. I’m going to tell her I’m here.”
Lashana peered in the direction of where I was pointing. “Your friend who you want to be more?” she asked.
A faint prickle of embarrassment crept along the back of my neck. I was pretty sure Lizzy and I were a lot more than friends at this stage, as long as she wasn’t angry with how I’d behaved since Jane’s incident. “I—”
“We’re coming too,” Lashana said.
“No, no. You have a game to play. You stay here with the refs.”
“Nah. We’re all coming,” Otis said. “We’re going to make sure you do this right.” For once—the absolute wrong time—he and Lashana were in agreement.
“No, keep playing,” I insisted.
Now, Lizzy was running around the end of the pitch. All the nerves in my body screamed, She’s getting farther away! No time to argue with the kids.
Panic pumped furiously through my legs, and I pounded across the pitch faster than I’d ever run. I needed to be close to her, see her, talk to her. Now.
I could hear the kids behind me. I turned as I ran. Both teams were behind me and the coaches too. Usually, I would have been mortified that I was racing so desperately to Lizzy with an audience, but right now, I couldn’t give a shit.
My legs pushed hard, my breath came deeper.
Why was I running so fast?
I ran faster.
My chest burned, sore and spiking, and my brain raced as fast as my pounding legs.
I worried she felt I’d overstepped, even if I’d had the best intentions.
Shit. I should have told her the specifics of what I was planning.
Worked with her, instead of trying to solve her problems on my own.
I needed to apologize for how I’d dealt with things and explain. And…I’d kill Seb if he fucked this up.
I focused on reaching her. I could vaguely hear the kids cry out, complaining about the pace.
I waved as my legs ate up the turf. “Lizzy, I’m here,” I called out.
She turned toward me. She put a hand over her eyes again. Then she took off, running to me. Her legs were a blur, her hair flying, both of us running toward each other now.
And then. Then she was a couple of steps away. She stopped. I slowed my pace toward her but kept going until we were a couple of feet from each other, puffing. I could hear the kids behind me swearing and the deputy coaches telling them off for cursing.
“Darcy.” She slumped over, hands on her knees, visibly trying to catch her breath. “Oh, Darcy. I know what you’ve done for Jane. I don’t know how to thank you.”
She’d come to thank me. Only thank me? Not yell at me for keeping her in the dark?
I drank in this woman I didn’t deserve, her face shining with a sheen of sweat, the wind in her hair, still trying to collect herself, the most wonderful sight in the world.
How could I have only known her for a matter of weeks and already feel so much for her?
Life-and-death, Lizzy had told me. When you were in love, it felt like life-and-death.
I knew what she meant to me? but did she feel the same?
The thought of her rejection felt unbearable.
“I remember her from the show. I was hoping it was her,” Lashana said behind me.
Girls’ voices murmured, agreeing.
“She’s very pretty,” another girl said.
“Nice too. Very polite, she’s thanking him,” Otis chimed in.
Lizzy looked at them and smiled. Even though I was annoyed the kids were listening in, Lizzy’s smile made me grin. Hard.
“Hello there,” she said to all the people behind me.
“This is my team,” I said, motioning behind me. “And the coaches. And the other team.”
She peered around me. “Nice to meet you all.”
“Hello, miss,” they chorused, and I turned around. The other coaches waved to her, wheezing and clutching their chests, leaning over their knees.
I turned back to her and pulled at my shirt, damp with sweat. She was so close. My aching palms longed to reach out and slide over her shoulders and pull her into me where she belonged.
My chest went up and down, but not from the running. She deserved a man who could be better.
“Lizzy, I’m sorry for not including you in my plans. I’m used to operating on my own. That’s why I acted that way. I’ll try to be better. I want to be better for you.”
She put a hand on her heart, visibly touched.
“I appreciate your saying this. Darcy, I can’t imagine what going to your old friend cost you.
It must have brought up so many awful feelings.
That was a lot to go through. Thank you so much for what you’ve done—the whole family thanks you.
Yes, I need you to trust me and talk to me.
Yesterday morning when I told you about Jane, I thought you were utterly embarrassed by my family again.
I thought you didn’t want to have anything more to do with me.
For us to work, we need to start communicating better.
It’s going to be hard—we live far apart, and we haven’t known each other long—but I’m willing to try if you are. ”
I raked a hand through my hair and screwed up my face, infuriated with myself. Of course she’d thought I was embarrassed of her family after how I’d behaved.
“Yes, I want to try. I’m sorry for my reaction to the news of Jane when we were at Pemberley.
I was so angry at what had happened to her, and I was thinking immediately of what could be done.
I was trying to find a solution.” I took another step toward her.
“My role in life is to be the one in the room who keeps a cool head and finds answers to problems, makes things right, reminds everyone of the practicalities. People come to me all day long with issues, and my job is to make decisions and take action. But I know now I need to do better with you. Forgive me. My reaction was poorly done. I’m sorry.
Embarrassment wasn’t what I felt at all. ”
Relief seemed to relax her face. “I wondered at the time if your upbringing played into your reaction. I thought you were annoyed and angry over having to hear about our problems. But you came through for us. You don’t even know Jane—which makes your actions even braver and more generous.”
She still thought I’d done this all for Jane. She had no idea of my feelings for her.
I felt my whole face soften as I stared into her eyes. “But don’t you see, Lizzy?”
“See?” She drew her brow low, confused.
“I did it all for you,” I said.
I watched her expressions, hyperaware of her reaction, but her face was still screwed up, puzzled.
“I don’t think I understand,” she said.
“You must know. Surely you must know—it was all for you.”
“For me?” Her eyes went wider, bright green flecked with yellow.
As much time as we’d spent together the past week, as intimate as we’d been at the estate, we hadn’t expressed how we felt. It was time for me to open my heart, risk everything. There was no other course now.
“Since Pemberley, I’ve hoped as I’ve scarcely allowed myself to hope before.
If you have no feelings for me, tell me so at once.
One word from you will silence me forever.
But…I…” I swallowed and took a deep breath.
“I love… I love, love you, Lizzy Bennet. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”