Ava
Rob and Camille follow us up the dock, and we join Amy, Jules, their parents and mine on the deck.
Camille sits next to me on a wicker love seat. “Looking rather cozy with my BIL.”
“Am I?” I’m intentionally vague because I know it’ll drive her nuts.
“You know you are. I’m not going to say anything more than it’s nice to see you both happy and having fun.”
“Awww.” I lay my head on her shoulder. “Is my baby sister growing up?”
“Nah, that’ll never happen. I’m still curious as all hell, but Rob told me I need to leave you alone.”
“Thank God for him. He’s now my favorite brother-in-law.”
“Very funny.”
Our mother gets up from her spot on the other side of the deck and comes over to sit next to us. “I love seeing my girls back together again.” She’s petite and shares my coloring. Camille got her almond-shaped eyes.
“It’s nice to be back together,” I say.
“Do you see a lot of each other in the city?”
“As much as we can,” Camille says.
“With my job starting on Monday, I’m about to get really busy again.”
“Me, too,” Camille says. “The party is officially over on Wednesday when I start my new job and classes to prepare for the bar exam.” She wrinkles her nose in distaste.
“Daddy and I are proud of you both for landing great jobs that you’re happy about.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I say.
“Do you know yet who your clients will be?” Camille asks me.
“Not yet, but I’ll find out more on Monday. I can’t wait to dig in and be busy again.” Staying frantically busy at work was my salvation after John left, not that I tell them that.
“I don’t mean to pry, but you seem close with Eric,” Mom says, leaning in so she can’t be overheard while prying. “Have you seen him since the wedding?”
“Here and there. My sister is married to his brother.”
“I know that, silly. I was just wondering if maybe there’s more to it than your sister being married to his brother.”
“We’re friends.”
“Honestly, Ava,” Mom says. “You can take your need for privacy a little too far sometimes.”
I stare at her, incredulous that she would say that out loud when I know she’s been thinking it for years.
But since this isn’t the time or the place to argue with my mother about boundaries, I choke back the retort that would tell her to mind her own business.
“When there’s something to tell, you’ll be among the first to know. For now, we’re friends.”
“Leave her alone, Mom,” Camille says. “She has the same right to privacy we all have.”
“I never said otherwise. You misunderstand me. Both of you. I just want you to be happy, Ava. That’s all.”
“I’m doing well. It’s all good. No need to worry about me.”
“Carol,” Sarah Beth says to my mom. “Come see the pictures I have from the wedding.” Sarah Beth has brought her iPad onto the shaded side of the deck.
My mom gets up and goes to sit with her.
“Thanks,” I say quietly to Camille.
“No problem. I meant what I said to her, but I still get the feeling there’re things you’re struggling with. If you need a friend, I’m always here for you.”
I look at my sister with all-new respect. She’s grown up a lot in the years we spent apart, and I want to be close to her now that we’re adults. “There is something I’d like to tell you about. When the time is right.”
“I’m here whenever you need me.”
“That means a lot. Thank you.”
Camille has always been my beloved baby sister, but sitting together on her in-laws’ deck, I feel like we just became friends as well as sisters.
I will tell her about John, but not until I’ve had the chance to talk to Eric.
It’s funny to me that before last night, I hadn’t told anyone about him, and by the end of today, three people will know, and soon I’ll tell Camille, too.
I’m relieved not to be carrying my burden alone anymore. I can only hope that what I need to tell him won’t drive Eric out of my life.
I can tell he’s going crazy trying to get through this casual day with his family. After we eat the burgers his Dad cooks on the grill and enjoy a relaxing lunch, Amy and Jules want to play volleyball, but Eric declines.
“Hey, Dad,” he says, “would you mind if Ava and I took the boat out for a sail?”
“Of course not. Have at it.”
“Thanks.”
“I want to go,” Rob says.
“Not this time.”
“Eric, I was hoping for some family time,” his mom says, seeming antsy.
“We won’t be long. Ava?” He holds out a hand to me and doesn’t seem to care that everyone is watching us.
I take his hand and let him lead from the deck through the yard to the dock. “Way to be subtle. For a guy who doesn’t want everyone up in his business, you just made a heck of a statement there.”
“I don’t care.”
“All right, then.”
He gets on the boat and reaches for me, surprising me when he picks me up and deposits me on the deck. “I don’t mean to be abrupt, but I’m going a little mad wondering what you want to talk to me about. This was the best way I could think of to get some alone time with you right now.”
I’m completely charmed. How could I not be? “Well, why didn’t you say so?” I ask as I place a hand on his chest and look up at him.
He’s got his sunglasses pushed to the top of his head, so I can see his eyes and the flash of heat directed at me. “Are you enjoying tying me in knots?”
“Not at all. That wasn’t my intention. I’m sorry to have done that to you.”
Right there, out in the open with everyone probably watching us, he kisses me. It’s a quick kiss that packs a major punch and makes me want more.
“Hold that thought,” he says. “Make yourself comfortable while I get the boat ready.”
“I can help.”
“Sounds good.”
Working together, we remove the sail cover, prepare the mainsail, untie the tiller and prepare the jib.
When we’re ready, Eric asks me to remove the bow line while he sees to the spring and stern lines.
I watch with fascination as the current carries the boat into the channel, which is when Eric releases the stern line and raises the mainsail and jib.
When we’re under way, I join him in the cockpit, sitting across from him. “Very smooth, Captain.”
“I’ve done it a few hundred times. That’s how many times I had to do it before my dad would let me take her out by myself.”
The sails catch the wind, and we take off, the boat slicing cleanly through the calm water. After a long silence, he says, “You wanted to talk. I’m listening.”
I dig deep for the fortitude to share my story again. This time, the stakes are so much higher. Even though my relationship with Eric is new, it has real potential. He’s given me the best possible reason to move on, even if he doesn’t realize it yet.
“When I lived in San Diego, I was in love with a man named John. He was in the military, and we were together for two years.”
His hand is on the tiller, and his gaze is fixed on me. “What happened?”
“The Star of the High Seas happened.”
He gasps. “He was on it?”
I shake my head. “No, but he deployed the day it happened, and I’ve never seen or heard from him again.”
“That was more than five years ago.”
“Believe me, I know.”
“Ava… God. All this time… You were alone and waiting?”
“Pretty much. I gave myself until the fifth anniversary, and that’s when I decided it had to stop. I needed to let it go—let him go—and move on, and that’s what I’m trying to do.”
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
“I’d understand if this is too much for you to take on, especially after what happened to you.”
“I’m surprised I haven’t caught wind of this already. My family isn’t known for its reticence.”
“No one knows. You're the third person I’ve told, all within the last twelve hours.”
“Why now?” He no sooner asks that when he says, “Because of what happened last night.”
“That was the first time since him, and it was… I was…”
“Can you come over here?” He reaches for me, and I take his hand to move to his side of the boat, where he settles me next to him, his arm around me. “I’m so sorry if anything I did caused a setback for you.”
“It wasn’t your fault. It was bound to happen, and it actually led to a soul cleansing of sorts.” I tell him about unloading on Skylar and her referral to Jessica.
“Did you feel better after you told someone?”
“Strangely, I really did, even if I was wrecked emotionally.”
“Why did it take you so long to tell someone?”
“I’ve always been a very private person, and John was, too.
I know now that he was probably more secretive than private, but after a while, it seemed like too much time had gone by to involve my family, and most of my friends in San Diego were work colleagues.
One year became two and two became five, and I just didn’t tell people. ”
“I hate to think of you being so alone with something so painful for such a long time.”
“It was my choice to be alone with it, but it’s easier to manage now that I’ve decided to share it with a few select people, including the roommate I just met, who was amazing, by the way. I have you to thank for connecting me to her.”
“I’m glad she was there for you when you needed someone, but you could’ve called me. I would’ve come back.”
“I know, and I so appreciate what a good friend you’ve been to me, but I think it happened the way it was meant to. Skylar led me to Jessica, and I already know she’s going to be a great help to me even if some of what she had to say was hard to hear.
“Like what?”
“For one thing, she said that while John is a hero for presumably going after the people who blew up the ship, he’s not a hero for how he handled me and our relationship.”
“I can sort of see what she means. Can you?”
“I guess. After all this time of loving him and longing for him, it’s hard to think of him as less than what I’ve built him up to be in my mind. But she’s right. It was wrong of him to get so involved with me, knowing it was possible he might have to leave me the way he did.”
“Although it’s hard to fault someone who may be off fighting terrorists.”
“Which has been at the heart of my dilemma.”
After another period of silence, he says, “We need to come about.”
I look up to see we’re a long way from where we started out. The dock in front of the Tildens’ home is a speck in the distance behind us.
Eric turns the boat, and we switch sides. “Come back,” he says, raising his arm to put it around me.
I settle in next to him and enjoy the feel of the warm sunshine on my face and the rare moment of contentment. He knows, and he still wants me close to him. That feels like a victory. “You must have questions.”
“A few.”
“You can ask me anything, Eric. I promise to be honest with you.”
“That means a lot to me, as you can imagine.”
“When you first told me about Brittany, I realized there were similarities between your story and mine.”
“Except the one you loved didn’t launch an intricate plot to exit your life.”
“Didn’t he? When you think about it, that’s exactly what he did.
He knew the whole time we were together that it was highly likely he could get called to duty that would take him away from me indefinitely, and he never told me.
Probably because he couldn’t, but that doesn’t make it right.
Perhaps his reasons are more honorable than hers were, but the carnage left behind is quite similar. ”
“Yeah, I guess it is.” After another long pause, he says, “Are you ready for something new, Ava?”
“I want to be.” I promised him the truth, and that’s what I give him.
“Me, too.”
“Well, to quote a country song I used to like, that’s a real fine place to start.”
“Yes, it is. What do you see happening now?”
“I’d like to spend more time with you and see how it goes, but only if that’s what you want, too.”
“It’s what I want.”
“Even after everything I told you?”
“Even then.” He runs his fingers through my hair, making my scalp tingle with awareness.
“When I woke up this morning, my mind was full of thoughts of you and last night and how much I enjoy being with you. It’s such a welcome relief to be thinking about something positive.
It’s a welcome relief to have found you. ”
“I feel the same way.”
“Almost all I’ve thought about since kissing you last night is how long I’ll have to wait until I can do it again.”
“What’re you doing right now?”
“Right now as in right now?”
I laugh at his boyish befuddlement, which I know is all an act. He’s a man in every sense of the word. “Unless you’re too busy, of course.”
“Never too busy for you.” He leans in slowly, keeping his eyes open and fixed on my face as he touches his lips to mine in the lightest possible caress.
Pulling back, he studies me intently for a long, breathless moment before he comes back for more.
He hooks a leg over the tiller so he can keep the boat on course while he uses both hands to frame my face and kiss me more intently.
I’m not thinking about anything other than him when I open my mouth to his tongue and moan from the desire that reawakens within me.
As if a switch has been thrown, I’m suddenly dying for more.
With all my senses on full alert, I realize how numb I’ve been for all this time until Eric kissed me and touched me and made me feel alive again.
Our kisses are desperate and needy and deliciously carnal.
After sharing my story with him, I’m no longer burdened by the things I’ve kept to myself.
I’m set free from my painful past. I’m ready for this. I’m ready for him.
“God, Ava,” he says when we finally come up for air. His face is flushed, his heated gaze full of emotion. “Where did you come from?”
“I believe it was your brother’s wedding.”
He smiles and caresses my cheek. “I’m feeling a sudden, urgent need to get back to the city.”
“Funny, because I seem to have the same urgent need.”
The sound that comes from him is a cross between a tortured groan and a fierce growl. “Who the hell had the big idea to go sailing?”
I can’t help the gurgle of laughter that comes out of me, earning a glare from him as he directs the boat toward home.
He keeps his arm around me, but we don’t say anything in the forty minutes it takes to get back to the dock. Working together, we drop the sails, secure the boat and clean up as quickly as possible. With each minute that passes in charged silence, the tension between us seems to multiply.
I’m buzzing like I’ve consumed an entire bottle of champagne, but I’m remarkably clearheaded when I take his hand and let him help me off the boat.
He keeps a tight grip on my hand as we walk up the dock to rejoin the others.
I keep waiting for him to let me go before we get to where they can see us holding hands, but he doesn’t let go.
I’m so caught up in what’s happening between us that I don’t immediately notice that something’s amiss on the deck.
Eric stops short and releases my hand. “What’s going on?”