Ava
Miles and Skylar hit it off like a house on fire while the rest of us spend the evening pretending we aren’t watching them. I’ve never seen him so animated or engaged, and she looks positively gobsmacked. If this isn’t a love connection in the making, then I’ll hang up my matchmaking cape forever.
It’s a fun evening all around. Everyone loves my lasagna, and the Tildens are entertaining as always, especially now that some of the dust has settled on their parents’ breakup.
For a while there, I wondered if they would ever be the lighthearted, fun-loving group they once were, but they’re slowly getting back to normal, or what counts for normal these days.
“I had lunch with Dad yesterday,” Jules says when we gather in the living room with after-dinner drinks. “He seems really good, better than he’s been in a long time.”
“I’ve thought that lately, too,” Rob says. “Ever since Mom left and he announced he’s not running for reelection, he seems unburdened.”
“Imagine knowing for years that your wife is cheating and having to sit on that while you’re responsible for the entire state of New York,” Amy says, shuddering. “It’s a wonder he didn’t have a breakdown.”
“I talked to him about online dating,” Jules said.
“He can’t do that!” Rob says, horrified. “He’s the freaking governor.”
“Not for much longer.”
“For the better part of another year,” Rob replies. “He cannot be on those sites while he’s still in office, Jules. Seriously.”
“I hear you. I was just planting the idea for later.”
Rob relaxes, but only slightly. What he doesn’t say, but we all know, is that some of the shine has gone out of the Tilden family name since the scandal hit.
He thinks his siblings don’t know that he wants to follow their father into politics.
Their parents’ messy split makes his path much more fraught with pitfalls than it was before.
Eric told me that Rob has big plans, but he doesn’t talk about them.
“Dad’s had enough bad press to last a lifetime. The last thing we need is the Post catching wind of his online dating profile.” Rob cringes. “I can’t even imagine what they’d do with that—and I don’t want to.”
“I hear you, big brother,” Jules says. “Loud and clear.”
“Nothing says he can’t try online dating when he leaves office,” Camille says.
“Maybe he’ll meet someone the old-fashioned way long before then,” I offer from my perch next to Eric on the sofa.
His arm is around me, and my hand is on his leg.
His body heat keeps me nice and warm as the temperature drops outside and puts a chill in the loft.
We’ll have to turn on the heat before much longer.
“Too bad there’s not another family wedding coming soon.
I hear that’s a great way to meet people. ”
The others laugh as Eric tightens his hand on my shoulder.
Rob’s phone buzzes with a text that has him sitting up straighter. “Holy fuck,” he says in a tone that sends shivers down my spine. “They got Mohammad Al Khad in a Special Forces raid in Afghanistan.”
Amy jumps up. “We need the TV. Where’s the remote, Eric?”
Miles and Skylar, who were still seated at the dining room table long after the rest of us decamped to the living room, join us to gather around the TV to watch CNN.
They report that an elite team of US Special Forces infiltrated the compound in a remote corner of Afghanistan where Al Khad, his family and closest associates were hiding out.
“The Pentagon is reporting several fatalities among Al Khad’s family and associates,” the anchor says, reading from a piece of paper.
On the bottom of the screen, a breaking news crawler repeats the same news the anchor is reporting.
“We don’t have information yet on whether there were casualties on the American side. ”
I’m freezing. I’m so cold, my body trembles uncontrollably. I have no way to know for certain whether John was involved in the raid, but I tremble nonetheless.
Eric tunes in to my distress and wraps a blanket around me.
“What’s the matter, Ava?” Camille asks, her brows furrowing with concern.
I can’t speak or think. I can barely breathe as I wonder if I’m going to be sick.
“She lived with a guy in San Diego who was deployed on the day of the attack,” Eric says, speaking for me when I can’t speak for myself.
I hear the uncertainty in his tone. He’s not sure I want him to share this, but it’s okay.
I don’t mind if he tells them something I should’ve told my sister long ago.
“She hasn’t seen or heard from him since. ”
“Oh my God,” Camille says. “Do you think… Is he…”
“She has no way to know,” Skylar says.
“You knew this, too?” Camille asks, hurt radiating from her. “Was it serious?”
“Yeah,” Eric says, continuing to rub my arm. “It was.”
Camille, who was standing, sits next to Rob, her expression bewildered. She has questions that thankfully she doesn’t ask now when I have no answers.
I burrow deeper into the blanket and watch the story unfold on TV.
They don’t know the status of the soldiers who went in after him.
They don’t know how many people were killed.
Because they don’t have details, they bring in a progression of talking heads who offer speculation as the anchors ask one repetitive question after another.
“How much planning would be involved in a mission like this?”
“It could’ve been years in the making.”
Years in the making…
The anchor interrupts with an update. “We’re hearing now that at least two US service members were killed in the raid.”
My stomach surges, and I’m running for the bathroom before I’m aware that I’m moving. The dinner I lovingly prepared for our friends and family comes rushing back up, the bile stinging my throat and bringing tears to my eyes.
Eric is there, holding my hair back and soothing me the way he has from the beginning.
The trembling is so violent, it makes me feel like I’ve been plugged into a machine that makes my body shake.
“Easy, sweetheart,” Eric says when the vomiting finally stops. He runs a cool washcloth over my face and holds me tight against him. “Breathe. That’s all you need to do right now. Just breathe.”
I close my eyes and focus on getting air to my lungs. That’s all I’m capable of.
Then Camille is there, too, squatting to brush back hair that’s stuck to my face. How can I be sweating when I feel frozen to the bone? “What can I do for you?”
I shake my head. I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Was John part of capturing Al Khad? Is this what he’s been doing all this time? Is he one of the dead service members? Will I ever get answers to these or any of my hundreds of other questions?
I remember Miles is here and probably more affected by this news than I have any right to be. I force myself to pull it together, struggle free of Eric’s hold and stand on shaking legs. I brush my teeth and run a brush through my hair, my trembling hands making the simplest of tasks difficult.
Eric stands and places a hand on my shoulder. “Ava, honey… Give yourself a minute.”
“I need to speak to Miles.” On my way to the door, I squeeze Camille’s arm and step into the main room of the loft, where Miles is sitting on the sofa, his eyes glued to the television while Skylar sits propped on the arm of the sofa next to him, seeming uncertain of her role here now that the Al Khad news has upended our evening.
I sit next to Miles and rest my hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”
“I’m kind of numb, actually.” He glances at me, his gaze full of raw pain that tells me he’s anything but numb.
He’s my boss. My big boss. But he’s also my friend.
And that’s why I wrap my hands around his arm and lean my head on his shoulder.
Though we’re in a room full of friends, we may as well be on an island by ourselves, survivors in a sea of people who can’t begin to fathom the shared journey we’ve been on long before we ever met.
“Brings it all back,” Miles mutters.
I nod because I understand. We were doing better, and now we’re plunged back into the nightmare that never really left us, even as we did our best to push it into the past.
“Do you think he was involved?” he asks.
“I have no idea. I may never know.”
We watch the coverage in strained silence for quite some time before Miles clears his throat. “I need to… I need to walk, get some air.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” I ask him.
“That’s okay.” He gives me a one-armed hug and kisses the top of my head. “Thanks for dinner.”
When he stands, Skylar does, too. “Would you mind if I walked with you?” she asks.
He hesitates, but only for a second. “No, not at all. It would be nice to have some company.”
I fetch their coats and hug them both while Eric stands with me to see them off.
“I’ll check in with you tomorrow,” Miles says on his way out.
“Call me if you need to before then.”
“I will.” He shakes Eric’s hand. “Thanks for having me.”
“Any time.”
Skylar hugs me, says she’ll text me later and follows Miles out the door.
I close the door behind them and lean my forehead against it for a full minute before I turn to contend with the questions the others are sure to have.
Eric puts his arm around me.
I lean into him as we cross the room and sit together on the sofa.
No one says anything, but I know they’re waiting on me. I try to find the words, but my brain is blank, my attention drawn to the unfolding drama on TV.
“Ava was with John for two years before he was deployed, the same day as the attack on the ship.” Eric holds my hand and speaks in a low, soft tone that the others hang on. “As I said before, she’s never seen or heard from him again.”
“Ava,” Camille says on a gasp. “All this time, you suffered over this alone?”
“That was how she chose to handle it until recently,” Eric says. His firm tone puts Camille on notice that he won’t appreciate her picking me apart. Not right now, anyway.
Camille glances at the TV. “Do you think that it might be…”
“She has no way to know that. She may never know for sure.”