Chapter 14
Fourteen
Ryan and I got back to Emerley just before noon.
I’ve spent a lot of time with him this week, but this was the first time we talked about anything of substance.
I find myself enjoying getting to know him.
Combine that with all the touching last night at the bar and waking up in his arms this morning, and I’m feeling a little out of sorts.
I know it means nothing in the grand scheme of things, but there’s this tiny piece of me that wonders if it could.
Could a man like Ryan ever be interested in me?
We’re so different. What did he mean when he said I’m a “temptation he can’t afford”?
I had just enough time to shower and get ready before I had to drive over to Hannah’s cabin for book club.
Calling it that is a bit of a stretch. Claire originally started it as a teenager as an excuse to get out from under her strict parents’ thumb once a week. For three years, they kept up the ruse.
It went on a brief hiatus while Hannah was away at university and Claire was travelling around the country with a camera and a backpack. She brought it back to life when she returned to Emerley unexpectedly pregnant with her son, Ben, and back living in her parents’ house again.
Sure, we all read and talk about the books we love, but we mostly use it as an excuse to hang out, eat good food, and catch up. It’s also our code word when one of us is in crisis.
This happens more than one would think.
When I roll up to Hannah’s cabin on Crystal Lake in Nana’s old car, everyone is already here.
There was no way I was showing up empty-handed, so I made a quick stop at the bakery on my way and picked up assorted donuts and cookies.
Aunt Maggie already had a box ready for me when I arrived.
We’ve never had a conversation about how bad my financial situation really is, but she knows.
I worry endlessly that I am taking advantage of her kindness.
When I get back on my feet, she’ll be the first person I pay back.
I’m keeping track of what I owe her. I hope she knows how much I truly appreciate her love and support.
“I’m here. I hope I haven’t missed anything juicy,” I call out, juggling baked goods as I walk through the door, almost dropping them as I slip off my shoes.
“I’ve got you.” Meg comes and unloads my arms, placing everything on the counter. Her curly auburn hair is up in a high ponytail, and her freckled face is makeup-free. “I’m making tea. Do you want some?” she asks, pulling pottery mugs down from the open shelving. “Or there’s wine.”
“Tea would be perfect, thank you.” I’m not hungover, but I’m pretty sure I have reached my alcohol quota for twenty-four hours and longer.
Hannah comes into the kitchen and pulls me into a hug. “Hi, pretty lady. I heard you had a tough week. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”
“You don’t need to apologize.” Releasing her, I give her a reassuring smile. “I got through the worst of it. Things are turning around.”
“Don’t worry, Hannah. Beck had lots of help.” Meg winks at me as she pours hot water into the teapot.
“Yes, I did,” I agree, narrowing my eyes at her before looking back at Hannah. “Carson lent me his nana’s car, so I still have wheels.”
“That thing must be ancient,” Claire calls from her place in the corner of the large sectional. She has wrapped herself in a heavy fleece blanket, and she is holding a mug in both hands.
“Beggars can’t be choosers, and it will get me where I need to go,” I say as I sit down on a cushion in front of the fireplace. “Are you okay?” It appears like she hasn’t had a good night’s sleep for days.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she says dismissively. “I have a headache.”
“How’s Ben feeling? Does he still have a cold?” The poor kid missed a few days of school earlier in the week.
“He’s much better. Riot is staying with him this afternoon. They are having a Marvel movie marathon. I think Carson and Logan are going to hang out with them.”
Riot is five-year-old Ben’s uncle. He stepped in to support them both when his brother, Ransom, decided he wasn’t interested in becoming a father. We kind of hate him. He doesn’t know what he’s missing. That kid is amazing.
Hannah and Megan join us in the open concept living room with tea and goodies.
“Why don’t you get your truck back from Braden?
” Hannah asks as she places a charcuterie board loaded with donuts, cookies, and a variety of nuts, chocolate, and strawberries in the middle of the coffee table.
“You pay for it, so why should he get to drive it?” she says, sitting on a cushion beside me.
“It’s not that simple,” I say, breaking off a piece of cookie and popping it into my mouth.
“It’s been months. As long as he has your truck, he controls you.”
“I know how long it’s been, trust me,” I grumble. Taking a calming breath, I ask, “How has your week been? Are you and Logan working things out?”
“Yeah, we’ll be okay.” She grins as she takes a scrunchie off her wrist and ties her blonde, curly hair up into a messy bun.
“They sure are,” Claire pipes up. “He’s currently apologizing with orgasms.”
“Nice,” I chuckle. “Definitely preferable to all those apology pizzas he was bringing you when he first moved home.”
“I happen to like pizza, thank you very much. And you’re just jealous,” she exclaims, pointing at Claire.
“You’re right, I am.” Claire snickers, resting the side of her head on the back of the couch.
“How was your road trip last night?” Megan’s eyes meet mine over the rim of her cup before she takes a sip of her hot tea.
“It was good,” I say, letting my gaze pass over them. “The hotel is beautiful, and the bar was a lot of fun. The music was great.”
“I heard you had a friend join you,” she says, rolling her lips in to suppress her smile.
“Seriously?” My eyes widen. First April and now Megan. I really don’t need all of them questioning Ryan’s and my…friendship?
“What friend?” Claire questions, pulling her blanket closer to her chin.
Before I can answer, Meg leans forward and says, “Ryan was there. Apparently, he is good friends with the owner.”
“I haven’t even been back in Emerley for two hours, Meg.” Crinkling my nose, I ask, “How do you know?” Grabbing a second cookie off the tray, I take a bite.
“April texted me this morning,” she says simply.
Since when did April and Meg become best buddies? They barely know each other.
“Oh my God.” Claire closes her eyes and rubs her temples. “Let me guess. He spent the night scowling at you, and you antagonized him on purpose. The pair of you can’t be in the same room sometimes.”
“No, no, it was nothing like that. I can’t speak for him, but I had a really nice time. I promise I was on my very best behaviour. Cross my heart,” I say, making an X over my chest.
Could I tell them we shared some intimate moments at the bar? Yeah. Or that we shared a hotel room, and I woke up with him attached to me like a spider monkey and with a hard dick? Sure. Am I going to? Nope. That would only lead to even more questions.
I wonder if Vaughan told April about my missing room key or if he kept that to himself. I know I’m not going to bring it up.
Since Ryan didn’t mention the bar or our sleeping arrangement on the drive home, I’m going to assume it didn’t affect him as much as it has affected me. We can just return to the status quo and continue to annoy one another now that we are home.
“Beck and Ryan have spent a lot of time together this week,” Meg continues. “He drove her to town every morning, and he even sent lunch to her at work. I feel like there is a romance brewing.”
“Knock it off,” I give her a warning. “He sent me lunch one time; he was just being nice. There is no romance—trust me.”
“Oh, I need to hear more about this.” Claire perks up a little.
“This information should have been immediately shared in the group chat,” Hannah scolds me playfully. “Especially since you denied there was anything going on between you two when I asked you on Thanksgiving.”
I forgot Hannah thought she caught a moment between us when we arrived. It was no big deal; my hands were full, and he pushed hair away from my face. I should have just told her Ryan picked me up, but I got flustered when she asked if we came together. It’s not my fault he was equally awkward.
“There’s nothing going on and there’s no information to share,” I insist, shaking my head.
“Come on, let me have this,” Meg groans dramatically. “My house has been romance-free for months.”
We all turn to her and wait silently. Megan married her high school sweetheart, Jeff, right after graduation.
Over the years, she put many of her dreams aside while Jeff continued to pursue his.
She doesn’t talk about it very much, but it has become clear over the last several months that she’s unhappy.
Too many empty promises and unexpected absences.
I suspect there is more to it, but she hasn’t confided in any of us.
I would be a hypocrite to ask more of her than I’m willing to give.
We all have secrets, sometimes even from each other.
“Did something happen?” Hannah asks Meg with concern, resting her hand on her foot.
“Actually, I have barely seen him this week,” she says, looking down into her mug. “You know how it is. He’s busy with a big case right now, so he’s working late nights and staying in the city. It’s fine.” She gives us all a weak smile, trying to reassure us.
“Is it, though?” I ask gently. “You spend a lot of time at home alone.”
“No, it is.” She waves us off. “It gives me all kinds of extra time to work at the bookstore. Therefore, more money to buy more books. What more does a girl want? Except for a rolling ladder, of course.”
We spend the next couple of hours snacking and catching up with each other and town gossip.
Whenever the topic of Ryan and me comes up, I steer the conversation in a new direction.
By the time we are all ready to leave, I am exhausted.
The stress of the past week and the late nights have wiped me out.
Claire and Meg have already said their goodbyes and are in their cars when Hannah stops me on the front step.
“Beck, what’s going on?” she asks, wrapping her pink cardigan around her body. “I can tell something is bothering you. Is it Braden?”
“No, I’m just tired,” I brush her off with a self-deprecating laugh. “It’s like I turned thirty and now I can’t stay up past ten p.m. without taking a nap the next day.”
“Are you sure?” she asks with concern. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“I know,” I reassure her, stepping forward to give her a quick hug.
Hugging me back, she whispers into my ear, “Even about what’s going on between you and Ryan. I know you told me nothing is happening but…”
“Not you too,” I groan, stepping away and down the stairs. “Let it go. Nothing is going on between us,” I deny emphatically.
“When you believe it, so will I,” she calls after me. “You forget how well I know you.”
How do I tell my friend that I’m developing a crush on a man that I have zero chance with?