Chapter 19 #3
“Here’s my advice. You can pursue a relationship with her and see where it goes. Alternatively, you can spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been while being holed up in this empty house with only me visiting. I’m amazing company, but I think she’s worth the risk.”
Before I can think of a response, he says, “On that note, I’m leaving. I can’t give you anymore advice today, or I will have to charge you.”
“Thanks for coming over,” I say, meaning it. He may act like a clown most of the time, but he has a big heart, and I know he genuinely cares about my happiness. He’s a good friend to all of us.
Slapping his hands on his lap, he nods his head once, then rises to his feet. “Is she staying here tonight?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’ll take her up to the spare bed when you go. Can you lock the door behind you?”
“Sure thing.”
Carefully slipping out from underneath her, I stand and scoop her up bridal style and walk towards the stairs.
Nuzzling into my neck, she mumbles, “What are you doing?”
“Shhh. You fell asleep. I’m taking you up to bed.” It’s still early, but I’m exhausted from the stress of the past twenty-four hours, and she clearly is as well.
“Okay,” she whispers.
When I reach the top of the stairs, I don’t even consider taking her to the spare bedroom despite what I told Carson. Not because she’s sick—she’s already feeling much better—but because I want her close for at least one more night.
Carson is right about so many things. The more time I spend with her makes me realize I was a fool to push her away.
She makes me feel happier than I have felt in years.
I love how enthusiastic she is when she talks about the things that bring her joy.
How she wasn’t afraid to tackle renovating her tiny home.
Her love of good music and true-crime documentaries.
How important her found family is to her.
I also see the hurt in her eyes—even though she thinks she is hiding it—when she talks about her relationship with Braden and her parents.
She doesn’t trust easily. I hear it in her voice every time she questions why I’m helping her.
Like she doesn’t believe she deserves it.
But I think she is learning that she can count on me. At least I hope she is.
There are things we need to talk about sometime soon if we decide to explore whatever is going on between us.
Things she needs to know about my past and how it affects the man I am now.
Last night scared the shit out of me. I know why, but she doesn’t.
Sure, she is picking up bits and pieces, but I know that the only way we could have a healthy relationship is to enter it with complete honesty.
Even the hard parts that I have trouble putting into words.
“Do you want to change into something more comfortable to sleep in? I can give you a T-shirt or something?” I ask as I set her carefully on the floor.
“Yeah, that would be great. I’m sorry I fell asleep on you,” she says with a yawn. “When did Carson leave? I never got to say goodbye.”
“Not too long ago,” I say, walking into my closet and grabbing her a soft T-shirt. When I return, I find her on the side of the bed. She has removed the scarf from her hair and is loosely braiding it over her shoulder. Looking up at me, she stands to take the shirt from my outstretched hand.
“That’s perfect,” she says, gesturing towards the en suite. “I’ll just go change.”
Retreating into the closet, I strip down and grab sleep pants to change into.
“Ryan,” I hear her call from the other room. “Do you have an extra toothbrush I can use?”
I chuckle when I enter the room and find her rummaging through the drawers of my vanity. She glances up at me under her bangs and stands up straight when she hears me enter the room. Coming up behind her, I place my hand on her hip and open the top drawer and grab one.
“Is this what you were searching for?” I ask, holding it in the air.
“I don’t know how I missed it,” she says sheepishly, meeting my eyes in the mirror. I see emotions quickly pass over her face. Embarrassment, shyness, longing, desire. All those things and maybe more.
Pushing down my own yearning, I step beside her, and we brush our teeth. A simple act that feels intimate and familiar, as if we have been doing it together for years.
We need to go to sleep before I do something stupid, like strip her down, bend her over, and fuck her in front of that window she loves.
What is wrong with me? I need to get a handle on these feelings quickly.
“Come on.” I lead her from the room when we finish. “I bet you’ll feel completely better after another night of sleep.”
Pulling back the blankets, I encourage her to get in.
“You know what I think?” she asks as she watches me round the bed and climb onto my side.
“Tell me.”
“You lured me here with the promise of a bath just so we could have another sleepover. I think you enjoy using me as a human pillow.” She laughs, giving my chest a soft push.
I clasp her hand and hold it in place. “Maybe that’s it.”