Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
I’m sitting outside on my front deck in my pyjamas, drinking my second cup of coffee and peacefully watching a family of ducks, when I’m startled by my phone ringing inside the house.
Quickly, I jog inside to grab it from the kitchen counter, giving Penelope a quick pet as I pass by. I smile when I see it’s Megan. She is my only friend that would rather call than text, because she thinks texting is impersonal.
“Hello,” I answer, wandering back to where Pen is perch on her cat tree. She purrs loudly as I continue to pet her.
“Good morning, Hannah. It’s a beautiful day.”
I peer out the window at the still blue water on Crystal Lake. It looks like glass, it’s so calm.
“Gorgeous. I was just sitting outside. What are you up to?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to go to the farmers market with me. Jeff is at a conference until Monday, and I need to get out of the house for a bit. I thought I should take advantage of the Saturday market while it’s still open.
Claire is going to be there with Ben around 11:30 after his soccer game. ”
I check the time, it’s just after 10 a.m.
We have such a short growing season in Ontario that the market is only open from the end of May to the end of October.
Sadly, Meg’s husband is often working and I know she gets lonely.
They agreed that she would pursue her own dreams of becoming a teacher once he finished law school and wrote the bar.
They were young and money was tight, so she agreed.
Then he wanted to establish his practice.
Then he began to pressure her into starting a family.
It was never the right time for her to go to school or even find a job she loved.
She doesn’t talk about her marriage very often, but I can tell she isn’t happy.
“I would love to hang out with you. I’m still in my pyjamas so I’ll need to take a quick shower and get ready.”
I’m already heading to my bedroom peeling off my sleep pants and tank as I go. No need for modesty when you don’t have any neighbours.
“I can meet you outside the gallery in about an hour or I can pick you up at your place on my way.”
“I’ll meet you at the gallery. I don’t mind walking an extra few blocks.”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you soon.”
An hour later, I meet Megan in front of the gallery.
She’s sitting on the bench reading on her Kindle.
After greeting each other with a quick hug, we walk together down the main street towards the market.
Shop owners have already started decorating their stoops with pumpkins and corn stalks. I love it.
It’s a warm, sunny day and the market is packed.
Couples are out walking hand in hand, parents are pushing babies and toddlers in strollers while simultaneously keeping an eye on their older children who are playing at the playground found just beyond the vendors.
I don’t see any sign of Claire and Ben yet.
I can smell the hint of citrus and spice from a booth selling homemade candles.
“How are you doing?” Meg asks, holding up a candle to smell before putting it down and selecting another.
I don’t need to ask what she means.
“Okay, I guess. I don’t know. Shocked. Confused. I have a lot of conflicting feelings,” I tell her.
She holds out a southern peach candle for me to smell. Oh, I like that one. We pause so I can buy it, and Meg chooses a strawberry cheesecake scented single wick for herself.
When we continue walking, she asks, “Have you thought more about talking to him?”
“Not really. I saw him at Maggie’s yesterday,” I confess as we stop for a moment and listen to a young man playing Every Breath You Take on guitar. He’s really good. After dropping a couple of toonies into his case, we continue to wander through the crowd.
“That’s not surprising, she has the best coffee in town. Was it weird to see him there?”
“Yeah. He’s changed so much, but I still see the boy I grew up with.” I’m just about to tell her about the necklace/bracelet when she stops me with one sentence.
“Don’t look now but there he is.”
Of course he is. I steel myself and look in the direction Meg is nodding.
Logan is talking to a man who’s selling homemade bread, while Morgan sit’s patiently by his side people watching.
When he sees us, he begins to wag his tail and wiggle his bum.
Fuck he’s cute. When I start to turn and walk the other way, Megan reaches for my hand to stop me.
“You are going to be running into him a lot in a town this size, so you may as well get some practice while you’ve got me here as a buffer.”
“Hard pass.” I pull away so I can flee undetected.
“Too late. He’s already seen us,” she giggles nudging my shoulder with her own.
“There is absolutely nothing funny about this,” I mumble.
I momentarily consider hiding in the linen dresses hanging in the booth beside me but reluctantly choose to act like an adult instead.
“Mmmhmm.” She looks towards the ground, trying to hide her smile.
I glance back and see Logan smirking as he gives his excited dog a rub on the head before walking towards us.
He looks effortlessly handsome in blue jeans that hug the muscles of his thighs, a tight grey T-shirt, and black-and-white checked Vans.
He moves with confidence as he casually walks towards us greeting people with a few words and a smile as the distance between us dissipates.
Meanwhile, my stomach is in knots, and my heart is racing.
How does this man affect me so much after all this time?
“You’re fine,” Megan says under her breath as she smiles at Logan as he approaches.
“Morgan likes you.” Logan grins as his eyes reach mine.
“Good morning, Meg. It’s nice to see you again,” he says, smiling at my friend. “How have you been?”
“You too, Logan. I’m well, thank you. Are you here to do some shopping?” I admire how unbothered she is by him. I feel like a complete wreck.
“Nothing specific, I just wanted to go for a walk with Morgan, and this is where we ended up.” He smiles down at his furry friend then back at us.
That smile is panty melting.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Well, we will let you get back to it,” I say awkwardly and start to walk away.
“No, that’s okay. I’ll just walk with you both for a bit. You can point out the best deals.”
“Pass.”
“Sounds good,” Meg and I say simultaneously.
I turn to her and glare. Traitor.
“So, Logan. Tattooing? That’s very unexpected,” Meg muses as we wander.
“I suppose it is,” Logan replies as he rubs the back of his neck with his free hand.
I see old habits never die, he always rubs the back of his neck when he feels awkward or uncomfortable.
“Do you like it?” Megan asks, tilting her head to the side.
“I do,” he smiles. “I always doodled growing up but never really took it seriously.”
That’s true, Logan always had a sketch book with him when we were kids.
My mom would comment on how talented he was and encouraged him to pursue art.
There is no way his father would have supported that decision, though.
The world didn’t need any more starving artists.
His words, not mine. I wonder what he thinks about Logan’s career choice.
Meg continues to lead the conversation as we walk along.
I pretend not to listen as I check out the different stalls filled with fresh vegetables and preserves.
I decide to buy blackberry jam before continuing.
“How does it feel being back in your old house?” she asks as we pause to look at cut flowers.
I choose a bouquet of daisies. They always make me happy.
“It was weird at first, but I love that house. I didn’t realize how much until I came home.” He meets my eyes, and I quickly look away.
I vividly recall the last time I spent the night at that house. I feel my cheeks heat and pray he doesn’t notice.
Meg turns to me and says, “I just remembered! I told Claire that I would meet her and Ben today and I’m late. I better get going. Love you,” she says as she gives me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek before quickly walking away.
“Nice seeing you, Logan,” she calls over her shoulder.
You have got to be kidding me. Just remembered my ass, I mumble as I take a deep breath.
I watch Megan weaving her way through the crowd, and I try to figure out how to disappear into thin air.
“I should go too.”
“Where did you park? We can walk you to your Jeep.”
“That’s not necessary,” I say as I start to walk back the way we came.
“It’s not necessary, but I want to.” He reaches for the small bags in my hands, but when I don’t let go, he quirks an eyebrow in silent challenge.
“Fine,” I relent, releasing them into his waiting hand. He will probably just follow me if I don’t.
We walk in awkward silence for a minute.
I notice the curious looks we receive from the locals.
Most will remember Logan. They will also remember that we dated and our ultimate break up.
And what was happening when we broke up.
Great. We will be the topic of town gossip before the end of the day. I have to get away from him.
“Logan, I really need to go.” I reach for my purchases, and he shakes his head.
“Just ignore them, Hannah. They are going to make up stories about us regardless. I’m just walking you to your car. It’s no big deal.”
Of course, he knows what I’m thinking. We continue walking in silence, pausing occasionally so Morgan can sniff the ground.
“Tell me about the gallery,” Logan says, breaking the silence.
“Umm okay.” I guess this is a safe topic.
“My mom opened the gallery in 2005. She loves art but never actually did more than dabble in different mediums. She likes to support local talent, but we also feature well known Canadian artists. She has a deep love for The Group of Seven whose art was inspired by direct contact with nature.”
Reaching out, he gives my hand a quick squeeze, then releases it.
Smiling, he says, “I know that part, Hannah, I was here. I remember how excited your mom was when she got her first sale. I don’t want the spiel you give customers or what I can read on your website. Tell me about what you do there.”
“Why?” I ask, scrunching my nose.
“I’m just making conversation.” He shrugs casually.
I feel the exact opposite of casual.
“I don’t know what to say. I started working there full time the summer after – Dad died.” I refuse to say after he broke up with me.
“It was different than when I had worked there part time during high school. It took a while, but I slowly made changes and made it my own.”
“What changes did you make?”
“Initially, I just rearranged the displays. I wanted to make it more appealing to the younger people who visit. I removed the clutter and went more minimalist. Mom always had it packed full. Then I began to feature art that makes you feel something. You know like when you see it from across the room and you are immediately drawn to it. Art that pushes boundaries and makes you think. Of course, art is subjective so not every person is going to be drawn to the same things. That has been my biggest challenge. I always make sure to showcase a young artist from the college. I love displaying functional art like pottery and jewellery. My cupboards at home are full of clay bowls and mugs. We have amazing local fabric artists.”
I look over to Logan and see he’s listening intently.
“I’m sorry. I’m rambling,” I say embarrassed.
“Don’t’ be sorry, I want to know. Do you still paint?”
“I do, but I prefer mixed media now. I enjoy layering different mediums and textures to create something unexpected and unique. I teach sometimes,” I share shyly.
“That’s awesome, Hannah. You would be an amazing teacher. Who are your students?”
I feel my body heat. His praise affects me in a way that I don’t want to examine too closely.
“I have a studio above the gallery. I host an after-school art club on Wednesdays. I also offer art classes at the long-term care home a few times a year,” I tell him.
When I chose to study psychology in university, I was drawn to the idea of becoming an art therapist one day.
I love the idea of people expressing their feelings and processing trauma through art.
I’ve considered going back to school more than once in the past few years, especially since so many courses are offered online now. Maybe someday.
“That sounds incredibly rewarding.”
“It is. I really enjoy teaching, especially preteens. They are still curious, but they aren’t afraid to tell you what they think,” I say with a laugh.
I can’t believe how much I have shared with him in such a short period of time. I forgot how easy he is to talk to. I’ve never known another man who listens as attentively as Logan does. I’ve missed this.
Before I know it, we are at my jeep in front of the gallery. I don’t know why I feel compelled to invite him inside and show him my accomplishments. I quickly shake that idea from my mind.
“Well, this is me.” I point towards the jeep and use the remote to unlock it.
Logan steps around me to open my door, then moves back to let me get in and hands me my bags. I slide into my seat and place my small purchases and flowers on the seat next to me with my purse.
“Hannah?”
“Yeah?” I turn to look up at him.
“Thank you.” He leans in, resting his arm on the door, and softly kisses my cheek.
Then he steps back, closes it and taps the roof twice. His grin lights up his face before he turns and walks away, Morgan by his side.
“For what?” I call after him.
Turning back to look at me, he winks.
“For allowing me to walk you to your car. See you soon.” He gives me a small wave before they turn back towards the village.
I take a deep breath and puff out my cheeks on the exhale. Nope, I’m not affected by him at all. I feel absolutely nothing, I lie to myself, as I start my car and head home.