Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
The entire time I am dancing with my friends, I can feel Logan watching me.
Every time he leaves the table and walks up to the bar for yet another drink, I track his movements.
He’s beginning to lean hard to the right, but that’s not my problem.
He shouldn’t have any hold over me after all this time.
I only stay on the dance floor for a few more songs before saying goodbye to my friends. I’m hot and sweaty from dancing but my body is vibrating with awareness. Collecting Danny from the table, I ask him to take me home.
He is only in town for the night, and we always make plans to get together when he visits. I didn’t see any reason to cancel. I also didn’t think seeing Logan again was going to fuck with me as much as it does.
Like what was that at the table and in the hall earlier?
I met Danny around the same time I moved out to the cabin – at Maggie’s of all places.
At the time, he lived about 30 minutes away in a neighbouring town but was in Emerley visiting his parents.
His mom asked him to stop and grab something for dessert.
We bonded over our favourite donuts. It was destiny.
I hadn’t dated anyone since Logan, not even casually.
To be honest, I hadn’t even flirted with anyone.
In addition to having a fragile heart and trust issues, I was incredibly busy balancing my mother’s needs and my responsibilities at the gallery.
When Danny asked me for my number, I surprised myself when I willingly gave it to him.
He had a boy next door vibe with blond hair and blue eyes.
We texted and talked on the phone daily for a couple of weeks getting to know each other before he asked me on our first date.
I chose to go to him so I could avoid being the centre of town gossip.
I remember being so nervous trying to get ready that if Meg and Beck hadn’t been there to hype me up, I probably would have cancelled.
On the drive over to meet him, I considered turning around multiple times.
When I arrived at the restaurant, he was waiting for me outside with flowers in his hand.
Seeing the daisies immediately put me at ease with him.
We talked, we laughed, and I had a fun time.
He was so easy to be around. I found out the restaurant was owned by his aunt and uncle when they came out from the kitchen to ask if we enjoyed our meal.
When he asked me out again the following weekend I said yes.
Dating Danny was simple and drama free. He was kind to my mom.
He respects that I’m busy and never asks for too much of my attention.
He’s just a good guy. He helped me begin to heal, but being a good guy isn’t always enough to build a meaningful relationship.
We get along well, we are friends, my cat likes him, our sex life was good.
Good enough that we still hook up occasionally, but we lack passion.
That all-consuming, visceral desire that refuses to be ignored.
There was no great emotional pull or deep intimacy. Nothing like what I had with Logan.
When Danny got the job offer in Toronto, he didn’t ask if I wanted to go with him.
We had never discussed anything long term, so I was grateful he didn’t put me in that position.
The answer would have been no, and he knew that.
Not because of my mom or the gallery. I just didn’t love him like he deserves.
Not like I had loved Logan. Always fucking Logan.
Danny makes casual small talk on the drive to my house, but my mind is a million miles away. Like the gentleman he is, he gets out of the car and comes around to help me out.
Walking to my front door, he says, “Thank you for coming to dinner with me tonight. I had a wonderful time as always.”
“Me too.” Fiddling with my keys in my hand I look down and back up to meet his eyes.
“I’m sorry if it was awkward at the bar. I didn’t know that Logan would be there,” I trail off.
He takes my keys from me and unlocks the door but doesn’t step past the threshold.
“You don’t have to apologize. I wish you had told me he moved home, but I understand why you didn’t. I’m sure you must have conflicting feelings about it.” He smiles gently.
He is always so level-headed and reasonable.
“Yeah, something like that. Thank you for bringing me home.”
“Of course.” He places his hand on my hip and leans in to give me a soft kiss on my cheek.
“Take care, Hannah.”
He doesn’t ask to come in. We don’t make any promises or plans. I hope Danny will remain my friend, but I know in that exact moment that we will not be seeing each other anymore.
Without any words, he does too.
After Danny drives away, I drink a cold glass of water, take a quick shower to wash away the night, and get ready for bed.
Penelope has beat me there and has already found her favourite spot.
It’s late and I should be exhausted, but I keep obsessing over everything Logan and I said to each other at the bar.
Every stolen glance. The way his ass filled out his jeans.
The intoxicating smell of his sandalwood cologne.
The way my body responded when he cornered me in the hallway.
I have finally settled into bed, willing myself to relax enough to sleep, when my phone rings, scaring the shit out of me.
It takes me a minute to find it buried in the blankets.
Checking the call display, I see it’s Riot.
He never calls, only texts, and never at 2 a.m. My mind quickly goes to worst case scenarios.
Someone must be hurt, sick, or dead. I can’t help it; impending doom is my default setting.
“Riot? Is everything okay?” I ask anxiously, throwing the blankets off my body and getting out of bed.
“Hi. It’s not Riot. It’s me, Logan,” he slurs.
Closing my eyes, I will my body to relax. Everything is fine.
“Why are you calling me from Riot’s phone? It’s the middle of the night.” I begin to pace, trying to slow my racing heart.
“I stole it, because he took mine. Don’t tell him. He told me not to bother you,” he whispers.
“I’m sitting right here, you idiot. I can hear you.” I hear Riot mumble in an exasperated voice.
“Shhh! Riot, you will wake up Hannah,” Logan admonishes him sternly.
“Umm, I’m already awake. You called me, remember?”
I’m not sure if I’m annoyed or amused. It has been a long time since we talked on the phone in the middle of the night.
“Ohhh yaaaa,” he hums. “Are you alone?”
The audacity of this man.
“Seriously?! Not that it’s any of your business, but I would have been much too busy to answer the phone if I had a guest. What do you want?” I repeat with growing frustration.
“I just need to tell you something.” He pauses, takes a deep breath and lets it go in a rush.
“I think about you every day. Every. Single. Day, Hannah. For ten whole years. That’s a very long time, you know.
Like 3650 days. I can probably figure out the hours and minutes too, but I’m not sure I can do that math right now.
And I’m really good at math so you know it’s hard.
Hey Riot, where is the calculator app on this phone? ” he calls out to our friend.
“Yes, I know exactly how long it’s been, Logan.” I interrupt, rolling my eyes and shaking my head as I walk back and forth the length of my bedroom.
“I’m going to hang up now.” Pulling the phone away from my ear, I hear him yell,
“Wait, wait, don’t go. I want to tell you something really, really important. HEEEEEY, stop! Give me that!!”
Coming to a halt I hear a struggle over the line as Riot intercepts his phone. In the background, Logan is cursing and calling Riot names as he searches for his own phone. He yells something about Riot being a gnome fucker, that I can’t quite make out.
“Sorry about that, Hannah.” Riot sighs with exhaustion. “I don’t think it’s a great idea that he offers up secrets and huge declarations of love in the middle of the night while he’s completely wasted. Are you good?”
“Love? Ya right,” I snort, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m okay. Did you stay at the bar late?”
“We were there until around midnight. After a couple more shots, Logan decided he knew how to line dance. It was highly entertaining, but I thought I should pull the plug before he embarrassed himself even further.” He chuckles.
“I can imagine. Will you spend the night with him? Just to make sure he’s, okay?” I ask, chewing on my bottom lip.
I don’t love the idea of him being alone in this condition.
“We are already back at the yellow house. Ryan stuck around to give us a ride. Meg delivered everyone else. I’ll spend the night and make sure to push water and Tylenol at him before I make him go to bed.
I can guarantee he will be feeling rough in the morning.
” He pauses for a moment before asking, “Do you want me to get him to call you tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure how I feel about any of this.” I crawl back into bed and snuggle down into the blankets, pulling Penelope in close.
“I wish you had told me he was moving home, Riot. I would have been better prepared for this,” I say quietly.
“I know,” he sighs, “I probably should have, and I am sorry for that. I’m in a difficult position here because you are both my friends, and I’ve watched you both hurt over the years.” He pauses for a moment before continuing.
“For what it’s worth, he has a lot of regrets, Hannah.
He may be drunk right now, but don’t think for one minute he doesn’t know how he feels about you.
You know the saying: a drunk mind speaks a sober heart?
I think it applies to this situation. When you are ready, listen to what he wants to tell you.
Get some sleep and I’ll touch base with you tomorrow. ”
As if I’m going to be able to sleep now.